What is normal anyway?

Friday Night Leftovers

2012-01-20T11:22:00.001-05:00

I started working on another program at work because mine is sooo slooowww. It was initially met with apprehension, but I think things are going well and I am enjoying it.

My husband is finally back from a 10 day trip. Things went pretty well. Victoria watched a lot of Dora. Doing both drop off and pick up to school stunk though. I felt guilty about the TV but she is at school all day, I’m pregnant and tired, and it’s 7 degrees out. And we did lots of other things too.

Before I had kids I didn’t believe in TV, unhealthy foods, my kid would be potty trained prior to two. Whatever.

V’s newest obsessions are dancing, watching Umi Zoomi and Dora, clementines, ice packs (for imaginary injuries), and jumping on beds.

Trying to decide if I should run out to Whole Foods at lunch. I have lunch but it would save me a trip there on a weekend for some Gluten Free stuff I need. But it 10 degrees.

The “boy” has been moving like crazy. Especially as I get ready to fall asleep. Can’t believe I’m 25 weeks into another pregnancy! WHAT?!?! P says I need to stop referring to myself as “infertile”. I don’t know, do I? Am I not considered infertile anymore?

Food....

2012-01-18T20:29:00.002-05:00

I am constantly hungry. I eat breakfast and 90 min later I am hungry. This morning in the hallway at work I smelled cinnamon. So I started craving cinnamon rolls. It has to be 6 years since I had one. Then someone was heating up Italian for lunch and I started craving spaghetti and meatballs (which I never have, because of gluten I have to make from scratch). At lunch I was craving a ham and cheese sandwich. Then later in the day I wanted some coconut rice and right now I desperately want some proper British fish and chips.

My mouth is salivating just thinking about food....

Friday Night Leftovers

2012-01-06T15:46:00.001-05:00

• It is warm out today! 48 F. So far it has been a mild winter. It was this way last year as well, but February almost made up for it.
• Going back to work this week after being off for 10 days has been rough. On all of us. Including Victoria. Early rising coupled with an inability to sleep due to some crazy pregnancy thing makes me tired and cranky.
• I read five books over the holiday break and it was so nice! I read two about North Korea – one about the last American defector from the Korean War and one called “Nothing to Envy: Ordinary Lives in North Korea” which follows six people that trace their lives in North Korea and eventually end up defecting. It’s very, very insightful and well written. I also finally read “The Hunger Games” trilogy. I loved them all, but the first book stood out as the most outstanding.
• I went through all of the infant clothes for V to see what was salvageable for the BOY. Those things were a stained, worn out mess. I ended up trashing a good many of her 0-3 month stuff (she didn’t have a lot), giving the less worn to GoodWill, taking few things to the consignment shop, and giving some things to a friend. Time to start shopping for the BOY.
• Did you notice BOY clothes are all brown and green and have a lot of sports themed stuff on them? My husband isn’t very sporty, so this may be a problem.
• I am eating leftover tortilla chips from yesterday from Chipotle. They are so good. How do they get that lime taste on them?
• Went to the OB Tuesday. I’ve gained 9 lbs at 22 weeks. She said it was “appropriate” but to watch it.

For more Friday Night Leftovers, see Danifred.

A glimpse back at 2011

2012-01-03T14:28:00.007-05:00

December

AUGUST

JUNE

OCTOBER

APRIL

SEPTEMBER

JUNE

SEPTEMBER

OCTOBER

MARCH

DECEMBER

APRIL

JANUARY

JANUARY

SEPTEMBER

FEBRUARY

AUGUST

JANUARY

JULY

It's a boy!

2011-12-26T22:18:00.002-05:00

Wow. That's a big surprise. We were sure it was a girl. Time for the big dispersal of Victoria's clothes 2012.

2011-12-20T15:16:00.002-05:00

Back from the fetal survey. Everything looked "perfect" and my risk of DS was 1 in 230 based on my previous testing. Today after the fetal survey the MD changed it to 1 in 460. The risk of amnio was 1 in 400. We decided not to to do the amnio. I had a pretty rough morning - tons of cramping, dry heaves, and nausea. Just resting currently and watching the new fish tank. More on that later.

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers. We found out the sex too.

pregnancy

2011-12-14T09:38:00.000-05:00

This pregnancy has been so different that the first one. ( It is very surprising that I get to experience this again). I felt rotten from the get-go. Lower energy, severe acne, terrible night sweats, insomnia. I was 100% sure menopause was calling my name. There were food cravings of Pad Thai, mashed potatoes, Indian, pizza, cereal, salads with Ranch (don’t usually use it), apples, soy milk and mainly cold Diet Coke. Very icy cold Diet Coke. Last pregnancy I had nausea a little bit in the mornings, and a little bit before bed. This time, I had a LOT of nausea, headaches, and feeling totally hung over. I ended up using Zofran sporadically that my OB gave me just in case. Zofran is fabulous.

About week 14 I started feeling better and had more energy. I think being pregnant and four years older than I was previously (now 38) is much, much more tiring. Plus I have a little one to look after. I think that is a biggie. Now, I’m almost 19 weeks. Tuesday we go for our fetal survey and a possible amniocentesis, of which I am terrified X1000. Resting afterwards, taking it easy, this will be difficult. Plus, I am afraid of the complications from Amnio. The people I’ve spoken to make it seem like a walk in the park, which I guess it is in most cases, but there is always that small chance of something happening. People have asked why do it unless you are going to do something with that information?. Honestly, I don’t know what I would do if there was something wrong. But I think it is important to know. I did not have one with V since I was 34, but now I’m 38 and it is an entirely new ballgame. Thankfully, all my markers to this date have been normal.

As far as sex, I really, really don’t have a preference. Health is the most important to me. However, I am going to find out the sex. I find that so exciting! One day I’m convinced it is a girl, another day, a boy. I think my husband would like a boy for balance, to carry on the family name (whatever), and because he is a boy too. I do know girls better, I grew up with a sister, almost all girl cousins and friends. Plus we already have all the girl stuff.

Please pray that my amnio goes well and that there is a healthy little one in there!

very bad morning

2011-12-06T09:41:00.001-05:00

P is out of town. He usually does the morning get ready stuff and drops off Victoria. I go into work for 7:30 and leave by 4:00 or 4:30 and pick V up by 5:00, leaving me very precious time on some days to run errands unencumbered. Today, I didn’t get into work until 8:30. I put on all the lights and let V get herself out of bed. She refused to use the potty or get out of her pajamas. I finally had to turn off the lights and pretend to go downstairs and then she cried, but got on the potty. She demanded books to be read. I told her we didn’t have time. She cried. I tried to change her shirt, etc while she was sitting on the potty. She whined and cried and protested.

I got her downstairs. She refused juice and water, shouting, crying, and whining. I put a banana in my bag and she started bawling and crying for it. It was the only one and really didn’t have anything else much to eat. Plus I knew I would give it to her and she wouldn’t eat it so it would be wasted. I am fairly obsessive about making lunches the night before, but last night I didn’t. I was making her lunch and took her water bottle and mixed in some water and diet ginger ale (it masks the taste of the miralax). She bawled and cried that “she didn’t want water”, AT LEAST 40 times. I ended up yelling at her twice to be quiet. I couldn’t take anymore. Finally I went over to try and get her dressed. She bawled about the choice of shoes and protested. I told her I was going to wear them then and she screamed and cried. I put her hat on her and she bawled and yelled because she “wanted to do it by myself”. She then fell off the chair and bawled. She kept asking for chex in a cup which I gave her. She kept on whining because the quantity wasn’t sufficient. I kept adding more. I helped her put her coat on and finally she would accept the shoes. I moved her Chex cup and she was so upset and grabbing it that she fell off the chair again. More bawling. I took one chex out of the cup and ate it (Have you tried the chocolate chex, they are good!) and she got so mad she hit me in the face. I was so angry. I sat her down in the chair, ripped her hat off, and made her look at me while I told her never ever to do that again. She cried and cried. She wanted to put the coat “on herself!” and pulled it off after all of my work and coaxing. I finally was seeing red and took out the bags to the car where again she followed me bawling that she needed “her coat zipped” and crying.

This entire 45 min I spent with my child today was made up entirely of her yelling, bawling, crying, screaming, and me yelling. I feel like a jerk. I finally got her into the car and strapped in. She said, “I love you momma”. I started to cry. I apologized for yelling at her, but told her she needed to listen and be a helper for mama.

Activities

2011-11-23T11:23:00.001-05:00

Growing up in a small town in the 70’s and early 80’s there were not the number of organized children’s activities that there are now. In the spring and early summer we played girls’ softball in a community league. In grade school and junior high we played basketball in the fall and winter. I belonged to the community Girl’s Club (back when the Boys Club and Girls Club were separate), where I did ceramics, roller skating, pool, crafts, and cross country skiing. I finally got to play an instrument (clarinet –yick) in junior high. My family did a lot of hiking, biking, swimming in the summer, tons of roller skating, and cross country skiing. My older sister was super athletic. She got to do swimming for a year, then ice skating for a year (they didn’t have anything for the younger kids like they do now), guitar. She mostly did softball and basketball. I didn’t play these sports in high school because I wasn’t good enough to make the team. The bad thing about not being that great is that I did a lot of bench sitting. I wish they would have had things like soccer, volleyball and dance and karate because I would have really liked those. We had a small dance studio in town but it was super expensive, so I never got to go. There was no co-ed soccer.

I put V into a young child’s class of gymnastics back in June. She loves it! It’s 45 minutes once a week split up into balance beam, tumbling, bar work, trampoline, and free play. Is she good at it? I don’t know and I don’t care. I’d love for her to be good enough to continue. It’s so amazing to watch the other girls there and see the flexibility and strength. She took dance for 8 weeks and loved that even more. If I could find a time that worked for us, I would have her in both. I think it’s so great that she gets exercise, is gaining confidence, learning to take turns, and having fun. I also would like to start her in Piano when she is four.

Plus she is so darn cute in the leotard and dance dress.

Newsflash!

2011-11-21T15:57:00.002-05:00

Here’s the scoop.

I’m pregnant.
Yes it happened the old fashioned way.
I found out September 11th and was AGAIN in total shock that I could be fertile. AGAIN.
I’m currently 15 weeks.
I was in some sort of funk about it (every though I am happy and blessed) for a month. I blame hormones, nausea, and fatigue.
The nausea was much worse with this one than with the first one. OMG. Actually been having to use some Zofran.
The breast pain is worse with this one than with the first one.
Biking at 7 weeks in a national park when you are exhausted is not recommended.
I try to tell V that there “is a baby in Momma’s belly” and she says there is a “baby in HER belly”. Named Ainsley.
Being four years older than last time and late 30’s really makes me tired and pregnant.
I hope the medical establishment is totally happy they have me freaked out about “advance maternal age”.
Didn’t want to say anything until I am sure things are going well. I was counseled early on about a high risk of miscarriage.
It’s so weird that I am pregnant. AGAIN. I had a 5% chance of conceiving on my own 8 years ago.
This time AGAIN I was on regular iron and I had dropped five pounds (PCOS) after my jaw surgery. Think those two things knocked the old egg right out me.

1st Haircut

2011-11-17T10:40:00.002-05:00

Victoria’s hair was looking even worse than usual. I understand that is negative, but she does indeed have some really kooky hair. The front is untouched, sparse, and short. The back is long and straggly, thin, frizzy, different lengths. We were out by the mall for her Pediatric GI appointment (more on that later), and afterwards I took her to play place in the mall. We passed by a Regis on the way out with no customers. We went in and I asked for a haircut. We got a friendly girl named Amber. She said, “Ma’am, there really isn’t anything to cut here.” I agreed, but she conservatively trimmed the back so it was all one length and it did look better. V never moved a muscle or said a word. It cost $11. Afterwards she told me, “I got my hair cut”.

I’ve tried to make her hair less flyaway and crazy. I’ve tried baby gels, leave-in conditioners, etc. It works for a few hours after the bath and then done. We do carry the AXIN2 gene in my family that causes thin hair. I think V may have it.

1st haircut at 3.3 years. Next one will probably be another 3 years. I got choked up a bit when I saw how big my baby is.

The fallout

2011-10-28T10:04:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I was supposed to have the final surgery in my “dental transformation”. It was cancelled for other medical reasons (more on that later). Today is exactly 7 months since my jaw surgery. Wow, my recovery has been complicated, fatiguing, disappointed, and sometimes exciting. Do I look different. Yes, I very much do. Does anyone else think I look different? No, not really. Except my boss. Do I like the way I look now? No and yes.

I had planned on being off three weeks and was off closer to six. First the good: My teeth come together for the first time in my life. My pointy witch’s chin is gone (mainly from the first surgery). I have teeth on the lower bottom center now (mainly from the 2nd & 3rd surgeries). I can gently bite into things. When I smile you can see both my upper and lower teeth like a normal person. The main thing or “fallout” if you will from the surgery was that my left inferior aveloar nerve was cut. In half. By the saw used to cut through my jaw bone. It rests in the middle of the spongy bone, which is packed by hard bone on each side. Apparently I had no spongy bone and it was something they had never seen before, so they didn’t know to expect it. When they told me this after surgery, I was drugged up and just kind of blew it off, thinking it would be numb-ish for a while. And it was. Now it burns and tingles, prickly through the numbness. It’s painful to touch. I think another facial nerve was injured too, because I have some burning/itching up into my left ear on that side. I pray to God constantly that doesn’t turn out to be TG (I don’t even want to say the words).

The chin is a pain. I can’t really put on lipstick or chapstick because it is so uncomfortable to touch it. It is uncomfortable to kiss. I drop food out of my mouth when I eat and often when drinking out of a bottle or can, the fluid dribbles right out of my mouth. It is difficult to chew with my mouth closed. I am constantly checking my chin & lip area to make sure there is no food stuck there because I can’t feel anything. I can’t whistle. I can’t blow bubbles. My speech was pretty slurred for a while. I discussed this with the surgeon, and he wanted to start me Neurotin, because he thought it would help. I didn’t start it yet. This really stinks and I try so hard to be positive about it. They think/hope it will get better with time.

Would I have the surgery again? Honestly I don’t think so.

Halloween

2011-10-18T09:52:00.002-05:00

Halloween is rapidly approaching. V has a large number of activities this year to attend. This weekend a neighboring town has Trick Or Treating downtown (Oct 23rd) Her school usually has a little party where you go to each room in costume and get a prize (no candy) (Oct 26th). There is the community center Trick Or Treat parade (Oct 28th), which we waited in line for over an hour last year and she loved, and the neighbor’s church is having a little party (Oct 30th), and regular Trick Or Treating (Oct 31st) of course. I don’t know if we will make it to everything. V is much more into candy this year, but it is not about the candy, it is about having fun, and she likes to do that as well.

I loved Halloween as a kid. It really wasn’t about the candy (really!). The time of year was always nice, I loved feeling special dressing up in costume (even though many in the 1970’s were those cheap plastic get ups and I longed for a mother that would sew elaborate costumes), there was usually a party at school, there was always a community pumpkin decorating contest which I managed to win a prize in every year grades 1-8 (seriously), and my mother was usually in a good mood that holiday (since she hates holidays and this has ruined many). My dad would take my sister and I trick Or treating and we just would always have such a nice time.

V’s really warm pumpkin costume still fits from last year. It was freezing here on Halloween last year and I was glad to have it. I also found this chintzy looking Jesse costume at a mom’s sale that she loves to wear around the house. It’s too big and not cute enough IMHO, but I have another costume that she will model shortly.

Trying Times

2011-10-09T17:49:00.002-05:00

Last week was... well, a week. We got home from vacation on Saturday night. Sunday we regrouped and put away suitcases and all that stuff. Monday was Monday. Tuesday afternoon I spent at the doctor - the entire afternoon discussing some stuff. Stuff that I cannot share just yet, but I will in the near future. I missed lunch that day and was in full meltdown mode by 4:30. I promptly drove to FiveGuys Burgers and Fries where they have bunless burgers and gluten free fries. OMGosh that place could become an addiction. When I picked up V at school, she had episodes of diarrhea that day. Remember, she has had diarrhea almost every day since September 21st. On vacation, she was having up to 8 soilings a day. School was pissed. I took her home and she seemed tired, but okay. We still have no fridge but I bought my junky, dented dorm fridge home from under my desk and now at least WE HAVE SOME CHEESESTICKS AND SOME DAMN COOL DRINKS.

Wednesday I kept her home (this is the 3rd day in three weeks due to this damn diarrhea). It will stop for two days, but just keeps going on and on. The doctor was useless and I had to strongly suggest to test the stool samples I brought. Thursday she was good, but Friday had a massive, diaper filling soft stool (she is potty trained, but I have her back in diapers because she cannot control this diarrhea). I called her allergist and they didn't think it sounded like a food intolerance. When we went to the ER in Maine, they thought it sounded just like a food intolerance. I'm afraid it is celiac or something. She hasn't grown much in the past year and actually lost 1.5 lbs at her three year visit. She has been diarrhea free this weekend but I guarantee it will be back tomorrow. Oh, all the stool samples (culture, CDiff, gram stain, etc) were all negative.

To top it off, she has had this majorly horrible cough at night. She has difficult to deal with, super whiny, tantrumy, sassy, lots of hitting. Also, terrible breath.
Thursday I finally made it to work. Friday was somewhat better. Then my husband went out of town this weekend. I am really looking forward to things calming the HELL down over here.

Friday Night Leftovers - Vacation Edition

2011-09-30T16:23:00.002-05:00

* I ate so much Lobster this week. I love Lobster! I would have eaten more fried seafood, but with the Gluten Free thing and all, it makes it pretty difficult. P ate fried clams a lot lately. He says the East Coast is the only place to get fried clams, other places they are fried frozen clam strips. Not the same thing at all.
* V has been so ill this week, but acting normally. She got sick last Wednesday and Thursday with horrible diarrhea, stayed home from School Friday and seemed fine, was sick on the plan on Saturday, and had episodic diarrhea continuing through Tuesday. We ended up taking her to ER on MDI and they were just so darn nice. They too thought it was a virus and said that I was doing a great time of keeping her hydrated. Thankfully she has improved and no diarrhea has been absent for the last two days.
* Now that the diarrhea has stopped, V has a terrible, hacking, choking cough.
* Maine is so incredibly beautiful. Craggy, rocky, and watery. I grew up in Northern Michigan and I bet the winters are pretty similar here. Yuck. 80+ inches of snow a year is too much!
* We haven't been at the cottage much since we've been out doing things. It is very nice. I brought along Toy Story 2 for relax time and frankly, I can't take any more of it. I can quote it by now. I should have brought Toy Story 3 as I've only seen it once.

On Vacation

2011-09-28T17:40:00.002-05:00

We are in Maine! And the weather has been wonderful, with the exception of today I've felt decently, I've eaten Lobster six times, I've seen some absolutely gorgeous scenery, and our cottage is really lovely.

The biking today almost did me in, I've gotten more mosquito bites then I have had all summer, and Victoria has had three days of diarrhea.

It's really been nice being on vacation though and I'm just sitting here resting.

Friday Night Leftovers

2011-09-23T18:46:00.005-05:00

broken

2011-09-20T14:42:00.003-05:00

I was gone for 4.5 days to visit my mother up North. P was gone to backpacking. When I got home around 7:00 pm on Sunday night the refrigerator was making a loud noise. P though the (already broken) ice maker was trying to make ice. It wasn't. The fridge contents felt cool, but not cold. I didn't think to check the freezer.

Yesterday I called and found someone to come over "sometime between 2-6". Okay then. I got him to narrow the window to 3-6 and I left work today at 2:30. Right now I'm waiting for him. The fridge is only four years old.

Last night I opened the freezer and it was basically a soup. I didn't have a ton in the fridge but the freezer was loaded. I had a large bag of tilapia and shrimp in there along with carefully cut and frozen fresh Farmers' Market vegetables. They all were a mushy mess. I threw everything away plus all our condiments. P brought dinner from the Coney Island last night. I didn't have anything to put in V's lunch really. I gave her a warm juice, warm carrots, a non peanut granola bar, and a Graham cracker with soy butter.

There are also no cool drinks and three trash bags of rotting food.

September 11th, 2001

2011-09-11T13:59:00.001-05:00

Today is September 11th 2011. Ten years ago our world was horrifically, inexplicably changed by hate. P and I had been living in England for over a year. It was in Grad School and stayed home that day (a beautiful, mild, sunny day) because the tree trimmer was coming to trim out chesnut tree in the back garden and I needed to let him in through the locked gate. I can't remember what alerted me to what happened and when as we were five hours ahead of New York. The tree trimmer was taking a tea or smoke break or something and made some remark like "bloody Americans deserved it". I called P at work and immediately turned on CNN, which I watched the rest of the day. P came home and watched with me and several of our relatives back in the states called us that evening. It was frightening to be so far from home and witness the events. Several of our fellow expats called each other and expressed our feelings.

THe next day I went back to my University Department and not one person said a word to me except our cleaning/tea lady. (At university, there was a lady whose job was to set up "tea" every day promptly at 11:00 am which includes two pots of tea, yucky biscuits, and three press coffeepots, sugar and milk. She washed all the mugs afterwards -just water- and wiped and put everything away.) She was an old British lady and said, "I know who did this, the Japs did it". She had lived through WWII. I was so disappointed that not one person expressed a condolence to me for the tragedy that our country went through. (What hurts was when there a big earthquake in Greece, and we had a student from Greece, they all expressed sympathy and took up a collection for the victims). The majority of people in that department were jerks.

The following week I was in a large British SUpermarket and Prime Minister Tony Blair (I really liked him) decreed a moment of national silence for the victims. Every single person in that supermarket stopped what they were doing for three minutes and were silent out of respect. That was so touching. I don't think one person knew I was American and how much it meant to me. I was touched. When we came home that holiday season, I was awed by the large displays of patriotism everywhere. THe next year on September 11th, I hung up a giant american flag in our window (we lived at a main intersection).

Labor Day Weekend

2011-09-06T12:10:00.003-05:00

I took Friday off (school was closed) and since it was a billion degrees out (actually 98 F) I did laundry in the a.m. while I let Victoria watch Snow White in the morning. She really liked it, kept asking me what was going on, but seemed frightened by the man trying to kill Snow White and the Wicked Witch. P came home early and then took us out for Mexican for lunch. Then we left (traffic was really heavy) and stopped at the Outlets on the way west. I got to stop at the GAP outlet, my favorite place. It was pretty picked over with it being back to school, but I bought a pair of skinny jeans for myself, and a pair of tan work trousers pretty cheap. I got V a pair of their leggings and a long sleeve matching top and few other items. Then I ran into Gymboree outlet and they had their plain long sleeve T-shirts for $5.99 in basic colors. I bought cream and lt pink in a 4T plus a tiny onsie with a giraffe for P's niece as a baby gift The Children's Place didn't have too much, but I got V two pairs of super nice winter tights for $2.99 each and a Halloween shirt for $3.99. P bought a new belt at the Leather Outlet. My, we are exciting?

We made it to dinner w/P's brother in GR. It was his 40th Birthday and he was a bit down. We didn't make it to P's mom's until 9:30. Everyone slept in. The next afternoon we went to the playground next to Lake Michigan and V met another little girl and played and played with her. It was nice to go to the playground and enjoy without having to run home to make dinner, etc. We went to the ice cream parlor after that and then watched the Lake Michigan CarFerry come in from the lighthouse pier.

On Saturday we again got a late start. P wanted to take V on a Go-Kart ride and I was worried about the danger, but they were the only ones on the track and she loved it! and went to the Mac Woods Dune Rides at Silver Lake. Silver Lake is absolute stunning with the white dunes and blue sky. V loved the ride and would put her arms up down the hills like she was on a rollercoaster. We then went horseback riding. At 3, they preferred that V ride her own pony tethered to the leader. I was concerned about her falling off and having the thigh strength of a long ride. She did wonderfully!!!!! Her pony was named Ladybug and she sat for the entire hour ride without making a peep. Unfortunately, my horse "Fred" was kind of a jerk and kept stopping to eat. Towards the end of the ride he took off in a completely different direction and I finally got him to turn, but then he decided to run off and join a completely different group and follow them back to the stable. Afterwards the owner said I wasn't stern enough with him! It was the end of the day and I think he was just starving. We went to P's grandma for dinner and she insists on cooking and she is 90. We had local fish fried with no spices. Half the fish was burnt and half was raw. I started doing the dishes and she was mean to me because I "didn't use the correct side of the sink and I was using too much water". Then we walked down to the Lake.

Sunday we decided to come home so we could sleep in our own bed. V insisted on crawling into the bed with us and the bed was super soft and we all slept terribly the duration of the trip. We stopped at the Zoo in GR where we discovered that V's fear of dogs and cats has extended to all animals. Super great. No zoo's or farms for a while. We had dinner with P's brother and his girlfriend and finally arrived home at 9:10 pm. Didn't sleep well and ended up taking off today to catch up and rest. I'm tired. I wish the pics were better, but it's all I've got!

Wal-Mart adventure

2011-08-28T19:24:00.002-05:00

I really don't care for the wal-mart in our town. I usually do Kroger, Target, and Costco. A big new one was just built south of town and is really clean and not crowded. I went saturday to recycle cans and get a few staples. I was pushing a heavy cart (soda), and corralling V who was walking next to me and heading for the checkout when a middle aged women with no groceries and no cart approached me.

Her: (smiling) how are you?
Me: (still pushing the cart and walking) ok. (Jehovah's witness?- I've been approached by them at a bus stop and also in a restaurant bathroom)
Her: I am involved in a business venture where I am supposed to meet five new people a day.
Me: what, are you selling Kirby vacuums? ( I once had someone knock on my door selling kirby's at 9:30 pm on a dark January night)
Her: (chuckles) no.
me: is it Amway?
Her: (excitedly). Yes!
Me: No. Way. Not interested. (pushed the cart even faster)

I can't help thinking:
What signal am I putting out that it is okay for these people to approach me?
How do people get hooked into to this ridiculous pyramid scheme?
How desperate or not intelligent is this lady to get involved in this crap?

Happy 3rd Birthday Victoria!

2011-08-10T08:23:00.001-05:00

Oh Victoria, You are three years old today. Wow. My little baby. Things I want to remember about this time (bad and good):

1. You frequently ask for a little sister.
2. You are so happy when the entire family sets out in the car together. You like going places with both of us.
3. You love to put on whatever shoes of yours you find around the house, usually two different and the wrong feet and run around in the yard like that.
4. Sometimes when you put on your shorts “by myself” you put both legs through one hole. So cute.
5. Your hair is longer on the sides than in the back and you still don’t have much bangs. It’s still super fine and thin too.
6. If there is something on your plate that you don’t like, you insist it be taken off immediately. You don’t want it anywhere near you.
7. Bedtime has become quite difficult for you. You cry and cry about being left in bed alone. You’re so upset. We don’t why it developed or how to stop it. It’s ended with you staying up too late and us not getting any alone time like we used to.
8. You LOVE to swing. For a long time. And you want to “go higher” so you bounce in the seat because you are so high. That is “how Daddy does it”. You won’t use the slide however.
9. When I pick you up at school you yell “Mama!” and run and give me a hug. I love it.
10. When I give you a chip or cracker or anything you always used to demand “I need two” one for each hand. Now you say “I need three” and I really have to give you three or you are upset.
11. This year you have been so excited about your birthday saying, “ it’s my birthday”. All. The. Time.
12. You’ve developed a fear of dogs.
13. We are in the throes of “Toy Story” mania at our house. You constantly say “what happened to Buzz, mama? What happened to Buzz?” when he falls and his arm breaks off and “where is Woody’s hat mama?” when he loses his hat.

Conversation

2011-08-07T20:26:00.001-05:00

V: that's my little sister
P: no it isn't.
V: that's my little sister.
P: no, unfortunately it isn't
P: (to me). It's kind of breaking your heart, isn't it?

Friday Night Leftovers

2011-08-05T14:59:00.004-05:00

*Vi's birthday party went pretty well. Two people RSVP'd and didn't show up. How annoying. The kids had a blast running around like hanyaks. And Strongblonde - we missed you!
* Here is a pic of three little kids at the party. V is on the right. A bit blurry, but they were running around so much it was difficult to obtain pictures.

* I decided not to go to my 20th class reunion this weekend. I really wanted to go, but P worked insane hours all week(s), my house is in chaos (really and truly), and no one I would hang out with was going. I'm kind of sad about it. I'm not sure why that is since it is mostly a bunch of people that were not that particularly nice to me for four years and that I don't really care about. Plus a 10 hour round trip.
*It's been four months since my jaw surgery and the last month has been really difficult. Because I have a nerve injury in my inferior aveolar nerve (it was cut during surgery), I am having tons of burning in my lips and chin. Like they are on fire. It is worse at night. I also drool a tiny bit still and my speech is a bit slurred. My surgeon wanted to put me on Neurontin, but I've held off.
* P's niece is young and pregnant and already announced the baby's name on Facebook. She's only 19 weeks. Weird.
*Thanks everyone for the tips about cropped trousers for work. Got a pair at NY and Company and one at Kohl's. :)
* V's hair is so weird. I need to post pics. The sides look like those long curls the Orthodox Jewish men wear, there is no bangs expect for one long piece that touches her nose (i just trimmed it), and a bunch of short, thin, frizzy curls in the back. We got back her 3 year pics and P thought it looked a bit mulletish. I still think she is adorable. But her hair is weird. And she still doesn't have much.

2011-08-01T18:06:00.003-05:00

We are sitting and resting yesterday after victoria's birthday party. P says to me:

p: Victoria would be such a great big sister. It really sucks.
Me: yes it does. Should we get an egg donor? I forget sometimes that infertility affects you too.

First Dental Visit

2011-08-01T12:00:00.000-05:00

I finally took Victoria for her first dental appointment a week ago. The ADA recommends visits starting at 12 months, which I just can’t imagine. Victoria only had two teeth at 12 months. Because of my complicated (EXTREMELY) dental issues, and her lack of general cooperation regarding sitting still and anything medical, I thought a super fun pediatric dental practice would be the best way to go. I received a recommendation via my Prosthodontist and it is a pediatric only practice approximately 17 miles from my house, close to where I work. Basically, I had to drive home, pick up V, and drive back. I got her all ready to go see “Dr. XXX”. We came in and right away I wasn’t impressed with the waiting room. There were no little tables or child seating or cartoons on the wall or anything to make “kid friendly and exciting”. They had books and a few older blocks, and an old dollhouse with all the pieces missing. Really? Really? I was disappointed.

There were another two little kids in there playing and their mom was super sweet and kept asking Victoria to play. She sat apprehensively next to me on the couch (I hope she doesn’t have mama’s anxiety disorder). We went in 25 minutes late and she starting bawling and clinging to me. The Dentist had me sit crossways in the chair with her legs wrapped around my waist and her head on his lap so he could hold her. She would not pick out a toothbrush, so I picked her out a Diego one. He was very gentle and quiet and she made a crying sound, but no tears. He thought her teeth looked great, but that she had a pretty severe overbite (I”VE BEEN SAYING THIS FOR MONTHS), that would definitely need braces and possibly surgery. Let’s hope she doesn’t have my teeth or lack of them (Problem 1), or my jaw structure (Problem 2). I don’t know if you can have normal teeth and my jaw structure, I thought it was all one genetic mutation. I was pleased she settled down, but he wasn’t impressed with her behavior. I THOUGHT HE SPECIALIZED IN SEEING CHILDREN!

The visit was over in like 5 minutes. I tried to tell him multiple times and ask questions about my jaw/teeth issues. He appeared to not care, and didn’t ask any questions. IT TICKED ME OFF! It is really relevant. Victoria stopped squirming when they showed her the prizes and even gave the cute male dental assistant a hug  She was so relieved that was it. They didn’t clean her teeth with the brush and it still cost me $75. I’m now on the hunt for a new dentist for her.

The funny thing is that the next day she would walk up to kids at school or parents and shout “I went to the dentist” right at them!

Friday Night Leftovers

2011-07-22T11:53:00.004-05:00

• I”ve been meaning to write soo much lately, and life is just spinning out of control this week. My husband is back to working tremendously long hours, so that affects all of us a great deal. He works a fifteen minute drive away from the house, so last night Vi and I brought him dinner. The drive over she was singing and kept asking me about “the train”. “Where is the train, mama?” because we just bumped over some poorly maintained train tracks. When we got there, she was soooo excited to see daddy come out of the building. We went up to his desk area and she was just so pleased. She also ate a bunch of his tic tacs.
• On the way home I went through the Dairy Queen drive-thru (hey, it was 97F here and I haven’t had any in a long time). I got Victoria a small twisted chocolate/vanilla WITH sprinkles. The entire block drive home she keep repeating “I want my ice-cweam” . I set her up at her little table to watch Toy Story (I am SOOOOOOOO tired of that movie) and about 5 minutes later she turned to me with a chocolate beard saying, “I need more sprinkles mama”. She had eaten all the sprinkle parts. She ate a little more than half and I put the rest in the freezer.

• The heat has been relentless. I know my Texas and Florida friends are laughing at me currently, but it has been crazy hot here. High 90’s and 100 for the past entire week. We’re just not used to this. It’s too hot to swing outside, or walk, or go in the little pool. It’s like the air conditioning in my car doesn’t exist. HOW DO YOU PEOPLE STAND THIS???

• I’ve felt like complete garbage this week. It started with some vertigo on Monday night , very suddenly, then a three day headache, then the past two days of severe, burning acid reflux. I haven’t had reflux like this since I gave up wheat. Mylanta has become my best friend and I cut out my morning cup of coffee and late afternoon Diet Coke in the hopes that it will help. Of course, I’m blaming it all on the weather.
• Last week I took Friday off and Vi and I met my mom halfway between our houses. I rented us a deluxe hotel for the night and we did some shopping and some swimming. It was really fun. Vi was a complete angel. We went in Sam’s Club and the only thing she wanted was the industrial size box of tic tacs. She clutched them the entire way through the store. In the car in the way on the way home, she clutched them while she was sleeping. And she walks around the house clutching them. She hasn’t tried to open them, which is good.

• I need some capri pants for work. Kohl’s is always out of my size, JcPenny only had casual, Marshalls had none, can’t get to the Gap Outlet. Anyone have any suggestions?

Talking

2011-07-11T14:30:00.001-05:00

Conversation with Victoria, Sunday 10:20 a.m. Enroute to Farmer’s Market and Target
Victoria is not a huge conversationalist, more of a babbler and responder, so this took me by surprise.

Me: Your birthday is coming up. Do you want to have a party?
V: yeah
Me: Who do you want to invite?
Vi: names some other kids from her class.
V: Yeah
Me: Do you want a cake?
V: Yeah
Me: what kind of cake – a Ladybug or a Wall-E cake?
V: I want a Yo Gabba Gabba cake
Me: (Groan) Ladybug or a Wall-E cake?
V: I want a Yo Gabba Gabba cake.
Me: What kind of cake- vanilla or chocolate?
V: Chocolate
Me: chocolate with vanilla icing?
V: No. Chocolate.
Me: ooookkkaaayyyy.
V: I get presents.
Me: How old are you going to be?
V: three ( I have been coaching her, but she’s never told anyone before)

We got into Target and she told an older man – “It’s my birthday”. I explained that no, it wasn’t yet.
All through the store she kept asking where the kids were and where her party was?
Not yet sweetheart. 

scenes from the 4th of July

2011-07-05T09:42:00.003-05:00

We did some swinging:

We did some boating:

We lit some sparklers (which I did not like):

We spent some time on Lake Michigan:

Toddlerville

2011-06-28T09:05:00.000-05:00

Oh my goodness, since approximately March (when I had my surgery), Victoria has been a bit “difficult”. I really don’t know any other way to put it. Currently, her bad behaviors are walking up and hitting me (Usually only me), screaming ‘no’ at the top her lungs, stomping on my feet, throwing things, and yelling “I don’t like that”. Last night, I didn’t feel the best, my jaw hurt, my body hurt, and I felt like garbage. She screamed and cried about not being able to go outside, she screamed and cried about coming in the house, she cried and threw toys about putting her pajamas and lotion on. Multiple times she just walked up and hit me. She received multiple time outs for hitting me and really she didn’t give a damn. They had zero effect on her. I’ve tried talking to her in a whisper about how hitting and screening isn’t nice. I’ve tried taking away privledges (like WallE movie, and her one coveted juice box per day), I’ve tried hugging, and redirecting. I just don’t know what to do. I’m terrified that she has become a little bratty terror, and concerned why the majority is targeted at me. There is so much to do in the evenings (and I am just doing the miniumum folks), that I can’t give her hours of undivided attention. I sit and talk to her while we eat. I spend time reading or trying to do a puzzle with her. I talk to her while I get ready for bed. We do things like play catch and use sidewalk chalk, take a ride in her little car, walk to the mailbox, and water the plants together, sometimes she helps me cook.

Somehow I feel like I am not giving her the right kind or amount of attention.

Wasted $$$

2011-06-15T19:04:00.002-05:00

Yesterday morning I was in th kitchen at work and someone was toasting a cheese bagel. The smell made me run to the bathroom and throw up. When I was out at lunch, the smell of tar in the parking lot made me have dry heaves. I've felt fatigued and nauseous and run down yesterday and today.

I had to go to Wal-greens on the way home. V picked up and carried her usual assortment of treasures around the store and keeps replacing them with whatever suits her fancy. In this case, started with a kite kit and plastic drinking glass. This was exchanged for a plastic baton and a bag of chocolate pretzels, then a baby bottle. We ended up with a Nestle Crunch on sale for 39 cents. We each had a small square in the car.

Anyway, you probably know what happened. I bought a test. It was negative. Of course.

Friday Night Leftovers

2011-06-10T20:35:00.002-05:00

Well, let's see. Sesame street is out, Yo Gabba Gabba is in. I wonder if I should get rid of the Elmo chair?

I was asked to be a "Bonding between Mothers and Children" study". Part of the study involves an MRI. I have so much metal in my head that it definately isn't a good idea.

Tonight we went out to dinner and when I got home at 7:30, something happened. I got into work mode! I painted the bathroom ceiling and trim, did all the dishes, washed the counters, and scrubbed the kitchen floor. Wow. What happened?

I went to Secretary of State (our version of DMV) to renew my license. Ugh. I've never seen so many people that looked like the crawled out from under a rock. Lots of mullets, a older woman with absolutely filthy clothes, tons of very LARGE tattoos, people that stank like smoke, and people that were just totally clueless.

My teeth are so yellow. I hate it so much.

My birthday is next week. While I'm grateful for another year of life, it is difficult to turn older!

When I picked up V yesterday the teacher said that she hit, scratched, and shoved the other children and had to sit in time out on the playground. I'm so embarassed. I don't want my child to be a bully.

Crazy Day

2011-06-07T15:02:00.001-05:00

Life has been so topsy turvy lately. So, so busy.
People say, “how can you be that busy. You can’t handle having one kid”. Geez thanks lady.
Let me tell you about my day yesterday. Some people may find this boring. Victoria’s behavior was actually really good yesterday (it hasn’t been at ALL lately, but that is fodder for another post).

6:00 am Got up (usually snooze until 6:30). Shower, including hair shampoo (this takes more time).
6:30 – 7:00 – get dressed. Leave my hair natural (aka bad) Hunt around downstairs for Vi’s shoes and comb. Leave out for daddy. Get lunch and various foods from fridge/cupboard for work (I bring a LOT of food to work).
7:05 – leave. Think I should water my plants before work, not after. Put foundation on face without looking in the mirror (I’m that good) and other makeup at stoplights.
7:30 – get to work.
12:00 – run out and get food for lunch. Usually I exercise for lunch and eat at my desk later.
4:00 pm – leave work.
4:25 pm – get back into town. Run over to Marshalls for new sandals for V since daycare has decreed all toes must be covered.
5:10 pm – get to daycare. V’s class is outside playing on the slides. Wait for 20 minutes and talk to the other kids while she ignores me. Lift her onto the bench outside the baby room so V can see the babies and wish for a sister. Drag her away to the car. She demands snacks and whines for juice. I give her high fiber crackers and water and ignore the whining about juice. Notice her shirt is absolutely filthy.
5:30 pm – Leave and drive a short distance to the Gymnastics studio. (Yes, V is taking gymnastics!). Take two wrong turns plus heavy traffic. Pay my cash and fill out forms while V takes her shirt off (in front of tons of parents and kids) and whips it around, then throws it across the room. I’m juggling writing a check (who doesn’t take credit cards anyway?), wrangling her and talking to the lady. We watch the older girls on the floor exercise and V is entranced.
6:25 pm – Hungry, tired, have to pee, etc. Get home. The neighbor and her 3 year old are standing at the porch waiting for us to “play”. Try to tell them that we are tired and exhausted (at least I am). End up letting V play for 20 minutes while I chat and water my flowers. Finally keep saying we have to go in so they will leave (they are not big on social cues). Pour applesauce and some turkey lunchmeat for V. I throw together rice, beans, salsa, plain yogurt, cheese and eat it with some whole grain chips. It’s 7:15 already.
7:15 pm- 7:45 pm – take V upstairs and start bath. As I’m pulling her out, constant knocking at the door. Take her downstairs dripping and naked and it is my neighbor (a different one) and her 10 year old son. She walked her (red –eyed and upset) son to Dairy Queen and left her keys there. Can I give her a ride? I asked her to let me get V dressed first. She says she can take my car (she doesn’t have her license with her she adds) so I don’t have to load up everyone. Vi shows the son a toy (still naked of course) while I get her medicine and pajamas ready.
8:00 pm – Neighbor comes back accompanied by my husband. He pulled in the drive form work just as she was taking off, so he took her to get the keys. She leaves and he is hungry. Toddler still naked. I point him in the direction of the food I left out. I get her lotioned up and in pajamas. Get snack and milky. Then I start making lunches while she bugs Daddy while he eats. Then we all finally sit down and watch “Wall-E”, her new favorite movie until 9:00 (late). And put her to bed. I don’t do dishes because I’m just too tired. They are waiting for me tonight.

What a crazy, hectic day.

Growing Up

2011-05-31T10:48:00.000-05:00

My kid is growing up. And while I’m glad about it, I’m also sad. Because I only have one child, I have to cherish each and every milestone with her since I don’t get to enjoy again it with additional children. In no way would I take it for granted, but I don’t get to spread the enjoyment out over multiple children. We infertiles grab on to every day with such appreciation for our kids.

She’s been sleeping in a big girl bed for the last week. It actually is a very big bed – a full one. She never made a peep about her beloved crib, including when Daddy took it down yesterday and put in in the garage and mama cried. She did fall out of bed twice on Sunday night, but Daddy heard and dealt with it both times.

Potty training has been going well. I can’t believe I finally got to say that! About two weeks ago, I noticed I had greater success if she was naked from the waist down. (She runs around our house in various shades of undress and loves it). So I took away the diapers, except for at night. She’s been in underwear with some accidents (a poo-poo at the park yesterday included) and a few more at school, but overall is doing great! She usually tells us when she needs to go and runs to her little princess potty that is currently in the corner of the kitchen (how KLASSY), but our bathroom is still under construction. Then she gets two M & M’s or two Sixlets.  She also has gone in strange bathrooms when we were out places.

By the way – what is going on with Blogger? I can’t leave comments : 

The Petting Farm

2011-05-24T20:20:00.002-05:00

I took V for the 2nd time to a nearby petting farm. We met a friend, M, who used to be in V's class, but is not now that V moved up (she is a little bit younger). There was carrots to purchase to feed the goats, sheep, rabbits, cows and alpacas. V would not feed them, she was too afraid. M was fearless. V had so much fun running around! The last time we did the hayride (which was surprisingly fun, but V coughed all night from allergies), but they weren't running this time. I bought her a pony ride and because M went first, she actually went. And liked it!

It is times like this that I am filled with gratitude and love over having a child and getting to be a mother.

Friday Night Leftovers

2011-05-13T20:33:00.003-05:00

* I'm back at work now. Everyone thought I looked terrible and very swollen. They didn't see immediately after the surgery. Also, I tend to be more swollen in the morning after being horizontal all night during sleep.
* V has been peeing and pooping in the potty most evenings. The key is NO DIAPER. She has to be in underwear, nude, or commando. Then she will use it with prompting. Then get candy. Which makes her giddy with happiness.
* It was 85 degrees the last two days here. We have the a/c on. Next week the high is supposed to be 55.
* Looking for bedding for V's new big girl bed. Love Pottery Barn but don't want to pay the price. Kohl's is a big gaudy. I like Target, but no sales there. Sigh. Did buy a set of great pink and white sheets at Pottery Barn Outlet for $17 marked down from $59.
* Someone at my place of employment is young and pregnant. They got pregnant "on the first try". Ughhhhh. Happy for them, but I feel like a sad sack.
* Totally into "Game of Thrones" book since I watched it on HBO. Not usually a fan of fantasy genre, but fabulous!
* Bristol Palin is claiming she had jaw surgery. Hmmmmmm. Maybe. But I think she had a chin implant too. I want to see to before/after X-rays to be sure.
* My jaw surgery blog is: dentaltransformation.blogspot.com

Happy Mother's Day

2011-05-08T19:57:00.002-05:00

I am so fortunate to be able to participate in this day as a MOTHER!!!!!

Here is a (bad) picture of the the Monkey Doodle (No, I don't know where this came from and why I call her this lately) at a Wedding on Saturday night. It was the first I've gotten dressed up or worn makeup since my surgery. Doesn't V loook adorable? The dress is a sample from a British Dressmaker marked $65 dollars that I paid $10 for and all hand embroidered. Pictures don't do it justice.

Also, my mother is a terrible picture taker. That is all.

Easter Recap

2011-04-27T18:44:00.003-05:00

This was a pretty quiet Easter. Everyone was off Good Friday, and we actually got out and had a nice day. Sunday was really, really warm and we spent most of it outside. P was still sick and ended up back at Urgent Care for new antibioics and inhalers. I couldn't eat much. I made risotto which turned out meh. I was too ill to travel and missed church because of it as well :(

Victoria loved her Easter basket and bit the ears right off the chocolate bunny. She also was very excited about the egg hunt. Some were empty, and some filled with pretzels or cereal, which she liked.

Here are some pics. I've attempted to crop them, so hopefully they don't turn out too crummy.

V and I with my frozen upper lip after the egg hunting.

Singing and dancing.

I"m here, honest

2011-04-21T08:45:00.002-05:00

I think this has turned into the Victoria blog. I'm okay with that. As you may know from my other blog, I've been going through a lot lately. It stinks. I've been pretty miserable too.

Victoria had a hard time at first. She wasn't allowed to sit with me and I couldn't read to her or take care of her or anything. I used to pick her up every day and spend the evenings with her, while her Daddy that worked a lot of hours came home quite late most evenings. He has been wonderful getting home on time and picking her up most evenings when I don't feel well. He does baths, pajamas, lotions, bedtime.

I miss it so much you guys. V has very much cleaved onto P and is very clingy with him. She knows mama isn't well (Mama has a boo boo) and pretty much tunes me out. Its hurts so much, but I know it is a natural reaction to the entire situation. Last night she hugged and kissed P and I asked her for hugs and kisses (could be dangerous) and she kept refusing. It broke my heart.

Just want to get back to normal!!!!!

My kid

2011-04-04T13:42:00.002-05:00

Do I love that kid or what? Even though I have been miserable (see my other blog), my child makes me laugh. I did get a little snuggle time with this morning; I've had to keep her at a distance.

She came up to me and "I have a boo boo mama. I need an ice pack".

I wonder who she got that from?

Success!

2011-03-29T20:48:00.002-05:00

Made it through surgery today. Extremely successful, doctors were very happy. Avoided needing bone grafted from hip, avoided vomiting, the biggest fears. Only real complication was nerve damage for the lower lip, which could result in permanent numbness. One significant outcome was a change in nose shape from pushing it up. Doctors said it was a very desirable look, one that people pay thousands for plastic surgery to obtain. Difficult to tell how everything will look in the end due to all the swelling, which will only get worse over the next few days. Will be in the hospital at least one night, perhaps two.

It's time

2011-03-28T14:09:00.003-05:00

I am home getting ready for surgery tomorrow. I am terrified. My stomach hurts, my head hurts, I'm dizzy and feel nauseous. I'm 85% convinced that it is due to stress. Ugh.

I took half a day off because I could not concentrate and I had to supply shop and grab some groceries for the family. P is taking me at 5:15 tomorrow morning. That is so early. I will probably be in recovery all night.

Please pray for me. It will be so difficult to keep my little V away from me for a period of time.

Pictures with stories

2011-03-23T18:49:00.003-05:00

P was gone for a long time. A weekend, home for an evening, off to Wisconsin for three days, home for three days, off to the UK for 8 days. V missed him. I took this picture when he had gotten home. V is proudly wearing the crown she made in school, wearing her new London T-shirt, and hanging with Daddy and her doll "Alice". I asked her what her doll's name was, and surprisingly she said "Alice". We don't know anyone named Alice.

This is V at Red Robin (I can eat their fries and we were out and about and I was starving) pretending to talk on her Cinderella "cell phone". Like mama.

We were determined to get V to pee on the potty after she had woken up from a three hour nap dry. We both entertained her for OVER ONE ENTIRE HOUR until she could not hold it any longer. P drew her pictures on the Magna Doodle. The picture of us is what he drew. I love it!

Crappy day.... er Week

2011-03-17T19:51:00.002-05:00

Ugh.

Rotten day. Part of a very rotten week. But anyway.

It's been warm this week. Yesterday was 58 F and today was 70F! We took the jogger out yesterday (I walked) and I plied her up with snacks for the ride.

It felt great to be outside!

My new Blog

2011-03-13T20:53:00.001-05:00

The new blog for dental surgery has started:

www.dentaltransformation.blogspot.com

It has mug shots on there. And they are NOT flattering. I really don't look that bad in person. Honest. :)

Shopping

2011-03-07T11:26:00.004-05:00

P was still away this weekend, so V and I did some shopping! We were supposed to meet my mother in another town and stay overnight, but they received 16 inches of snow (!!) and the 2.5 hour drive would have been intolerable for her. We were both disappointed.

I did get some deals though!

Kohl's -

Had $20 Kohl's cash and a 15% off total purchase coupon.

Vi is currently obsessed with shoes. I don't know where she gets this from, because I am not a shoe person. Every store we go in, she wants to put on shoes, admire herself, take the obligatory lap around two aisles and come back. Then she tries to throw the shoes in the cart. I let her try on 11 pairs in Kohl's. She really likes those rubber rain boots that you see kids wearing. In England, we called them "wellies". They just don't seem that comfortable for a kid to run around in all day and would make your feet sweaty. So we didn't buy those. She tried a mini pair of Faux Uggs. They were tan and marked down from $39.00 to $20.00. I told her that it was too much. She fussed and I let her put them in the cart thinking I would put them back at checkout. We were at the price check scanner and they rang up $3.99! They are a size 8T and a little bit large, most likely too small next year, but the old softie bought them anyway.

Also at Kohl's - two bras for me (Yipee). I felt badly spending $22 each on them. Another super deal - (I tend to shop Clearance if you didn't realize that) - Water Babies Newborn Twins. V has been kind of bored with her toys lately, but has been playing with her "baby" that a neighbor gave her last birthday. She loves the pacifier that comes with and is always putting it in her mouth too. I wanted to buy her some of those baby bottles with juice or milk that disappear when you 'feed' it to them. Target didn't have any and all their baby accessories were at least $10 for a bunch of junk. So I held off. At Kohl's there was two babies and two bottles on Clearance for $9.99.

The only one left. I snatched those up so fast. She played and played with them all day Sunday. The original price at Kohl's was $24.99 and on Amazon $38.00. Wow! We didn't put the water in them and I don't want her to know about it because she will want to dump and refill them constantly. And mama is old and tired.

I went to a Mom's Sale on Saturday am. And it was crummy. I did find a Fisher Price Noah's Ark for $5 in great condition.

V had played with this at someone's house and I knew she liked it. It seemed to have a lot of animals with it and Noah, so I wasn't too concerned for the price if some were missing. When I got home I looked up on Amazon and it sells for $25. All the animals were there. Great find.

ALso on Saturday we went to Target. DIdn't find much clearance. But this is a bigger, newer Target than our usual and they had a great food section. Lots of frozen veggies and yogurt were way cheaper. We spend $113!! But $35 of that was on diapers. When o when will that end?

So what is new - Tidbits

2011-03-01T10:41:00.003-05:00

It's been so long since I've done a Tidbits post. I wish they were the donuts.

I'm home sick today. Again. Between P and since the beginning of the year, we've been sick six times. Six times. P had two influenza type bouts and a cold. I had a cough and body aches two weeks ago, and in January, a stomach virus when visiting my mom. Yesterday I got to work (early I might add), did a few things, then felt like I was hit on the back of the head and saw stars. The dizziness hit me, oh geez, the dizziness. I started dry heaving, then had diarrhea. I managed to get myself home - a 20 minute drive. Was sick when I got home, and went promptly up to bed with an excruitiating headache. I slept for two hours then felt a little better, went downstairs, and dry heaved until 4:00. I had to get it together to pick up V at 4:30. P is in the UK for an entire week. Sometimes I feel totally alone. P works so much, and we have no family nearby. My neighbors that would help don't drive or work themselves. Our good friends live 30 minutes away. Ugh. I'm home again today. Feel much better, but stayed home today because I have a horrible nausea inducing headache. How do people handle migranes? I can't even imagine.

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My jaw surgery is scheduled for March 29th. I had my preworkup visit last Friday. I'm so excited!!!!!!

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Someone told me if your child is sad, it breaks your heart. Absolutely! More like tears it in half. My V hit the 2.5 year mark and moved up to the new classroom. She is one of the youngest kids there, but moved up with another little friend from her class. There are also four of her old friends in the new classroom. Can I say I don't like the teachers? They are not warm and friendly like her old teachers. V has been transitioning for the last two weeks and had an easy time of it. But now that she is in the new classroom full time, she is NOT happy. She cries in the morning and told me today "no new classroom". It breaks my heart. It is so different there because there ARE SO MANY KIDS. There was 12 in her old class and three teachers. Now there are 16-18 and two teachers. She doesn't get a lot of attention. I know she had had difficulty adjusting to her last two moves and this is normal. But it breaks my heart to see the spring gone for her step. She misses all her little friends and her old teachers.

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Watching "I didn't Know I Was Pregnant". The girl gained 70 lbs and drank (she was in college) the entire pregnancy. Oh. The kid is fine. No father is every mentioned. These girls!!!

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We sure haven't seen too much of my husband lately. He was gone last weekend, then was in Wisconsin for three days. Then worked super late and the following weekend, then left for the UK. For 10 days. Sigh. We miss him.
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P being in the UK makes me envious. We lived there for three years and he went back to all of our old places. I want to go!!!

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We are so ready for Spring!!!!!!! Every time we drive by the school in the sub, V cries "Slides" and begs to go. We are planning to buy V a swing set and she will be able to play in the backyard :)

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This whole Charlie Sheen thing. I don't watch Two and Half Men, but I know people love it. It never surprises me the human penchant for self-destruction. Especially when you have it all.

Surgery Date

2011-02-21T20:37:00.002-05:00

I now, after four years of treatment, have a surgery date. March 29, 2011. It was originally scheduled March 22nd, but I received a call from the resident asking permission to move it back a week. He said they have two other cases scheduled and they only had 2 hours alloted for me, didn't want to rush, and think they needed at least six hours on me.

Last Thursday, I went to my Prostodontist and received my temporary partial lower denture. It was screwed into my lower four implants and is very comfortable. It looks really high right now; that will not be the case after my surgery. I had to buy a WaterPik to clean underneath it. The BIG BIG negative is that my jaws and bite are so messed up that there is a large space between my upper and lower molars and it renders basically unable to chew since my teeth don't meet. How frustrating! I told him about it, but I felt like he kind of shrugged me off.

That night I got home and was tired and hungry and frustrated. I felt like I had enough of all of this dental stuff. Enough!! I emailed my surgeon about it, and he emailed me back immediately, copying my prostodontist. Augh! The prostodontist called me the next day and asked me to come in on Monday. sigh. He made me a thick plastic 'wafer' that sits across my mouth and over my back teeth to make molar contact. The chewing is easier, but not what I would call "easy".

It seems like all I can think about is my surgery lately. I'm petrified and I HATE being out of commission.

I'm thinking about starting a new blog to chronicle my jaw surgery.

Hoarders called.....

2011-02-13T19:37:00.002-05:00

and they think you have too many hangers. P installed a new closet system for me this weekend and I realized that I have a lot of hangers. A VERY lot of hangers. I didn't realize it, (They were buried under piles of stuff), so that means, I am not a hoarder, correct? There is a very large box sitting by the door with approximately 75 hangers in it waiting for trash day. I'm happy to say that my closet looks great now (also courtesy of two garbage bags of stuff for Goodwill).

2 1/2 years old

2011-02-08T10:51:00.004-05:00

2 1/2 years old!

What I want to remember:

When mama or daddy go to the bathroom, you say" You get a M & M. You get an M & M". (It is not enough to make you go however)
The way you waved your little arm off at Zoe at Sesame Street Live
How you put on the tutu on and declare "I"m a ballerina".
that you push kitchen chairs all over the kitchen, climb up, and reach whatever your heart desires. (mom can't keep contraband on the counter any longer).
Building 'castles' with Duplo blocks.
twirling your hair when you get tired
climbing up on my knees when I bend down to give you a big hug
pretending to take bites of things you aren't sure about and drinks out of empty cups
getting your broken winnie the pooh phone to "call grandma".
Asking to go outside when it is 5 degrees and blizzard-y (we miss warmer weather!)
Your light up shoes - oh my goodness how we (and everyone we meet) loves your light up shoes
When we are all in the car and getting ready to get out and you say, "I wanna go. I wanna come too".
You demand "ring around the rosey"
sitting on Daddy's lap eating his cereal even though you just finished breakfast
trying to turn on/off the TV with the remote control
Your glee at realizing that you can turn the lights on/off

Other things:
Asks to go potty, goes through the motions, but never produces anything in potty or toilet
won't eat something one day, loves it the next week
The "NO" phase, in which the answer to everything is "NO". If it is something you want, you turn around and cry until you get it, even though you just said "NO".
No naps at home. At all. Done. :(

sister

2011-02-04T21:05:00.003-05:00

This week at school, I had V sitting on the bench outside the infant room to put on her coat & hat (she wouldn't cooperate in her room). I let her stand on the bench outside the window because she wanted "to look at the babies". The conversation went like this:

V (pointing): there's my little sister
me: whaatttt?
V: there is my little sister
me: no it isn't silly. That's G____'s sister (a boy in her class. (He must say that when they walk by the room)
V: where is my sister?

I don't know kid. I was wondering the same thing myself.

Shopping Day

2011-01-30T15:26:00.003-05:00

P was hosting a Diplomacy gaming day at the house today. I decided to take V out to burn off some energy and do some shopping.

We left the house (and skipped church.. :( around 10:30 and drove 20 minutes to Babies R us. I am looking for a new lunchsack/box, etc for Vi. Hers is yucky looking on the oustide. We walked around and V played with all the toys. I didn't think their sales or clearance were very good. We bought nothing.

Then we went to Costco. I love Costco. The only person that loves Costco more is my mother who is a rabid fan of Sam's Club. When I took her to Costco, she was in heaven. Anyway, it was super crowded in there, but they are so fast at the checkouts. I spent more than I wanted to because I had to renew my membership ($50!!!). I bought these applesauce squeeze packets (no added sugar and organic) that V loves, frozen shrimp, frozen "Naked Nuggets", bananas, Columbuis lunchmeat, mozarella cheese and an exercise shirt for me. We sat and ate lunch there - 2 hotdogs (mine minus the bun) and two sodas for $3. I let V have a little Sprite and she loved it.

We then drove back and stopped at Old Navy because I heard their clearance was 30% off. V was terrible in the store, running around and shreiking. I bought her one little T shirt and that was all. Nothing for myself.

Next store was a Famous Footwear. It's not a place I would ordinarily shop since they carry most of the same brands as Kohls. I ended up breaking down buying V the pair of light up shoes that I thought were so adorable on all the little girls in Florida. They were waaayyyy more that I would usually spend, but still $10 off the norm. She loved them and carried them up to the counter and everything. Here they are!

This morning

2011-01-27T19:54:00.003-05:00

I went to the Prothodontist for the next step in my treatment. The appointment went like this.

I got two shots of novocaine, which were the easiest I've had, but it did not feel like my mouth was numb at all. Sometimes older dentists are more experienced with this stuff. Then he took this curved scalpel and cut/dug each implant out under the skin (this did not hurt, and the asst was good at sucking up all the blood so I didn't taste it). Then he unscrewed the implant caps (which felt weird, and my implants started throbbing and hurting). It felt like someone was unscrewing something down deep in your chin bone. Then I bit on two different wax bites, then a model thing was attached to my ears ( to articulate my bite). He screwed in these really long posts into each implant (I was in throbbing pain by then) and put this hard acyclic stent like thing that fit over the long posts. he kept trying it on and taking it off and drilling the holes to make it bigger, sometimes with it still in my mouth. Then he pushed red wax over each and every bracket (gosh all my teeth hurt). Then he took the longest impression I've ever had pushing down on the area the entire time. This was followed by two X-rays of the area. Then he unscrewed each long post (remember I have four), then screwed in each longer healing cap followed by several excruciating twists to tighten with an additional wrench.

I was in substantial throbbing pain by this time. His asst gave me three Advil. I started crying when I got in the car, the pain was so bad. When those took effect I was much better. My chin and cheeks are still sore from holding open for 1 hour 15 min. But I'm not really in as much pain anymore.

This surprisingly turned out to be an ordeal.

Grateful

2011-01-24T19:46:00.003-05:00

I (am) well, was, sitting here with Vi on my lap, having her eat cereal, watching an Elmo video in front of the fireplace (until her dad came in and she deserted me).

Mrs. Spock had posted about another fellow infertile - one I didn't actually know about, so I was not familiar with her story. She became pregnant after 6 years of trying and this week she gave birth to her daughter Lola. And Lola died after birth. Words cannot express how awful this is. How horrible and terrible and rotten and crappy and it makes you downright lose your faith in all that is good in life.

I haven't really ever written about it, but Victoria was quite poorly at birth. Her Apgars were 3-6-9. Three is pretty low. She was rushed off to the ICU and frankly, I'm surprised (but thrilled) that she was not intubed. She recovered nicely. Once P said to me, "can you imagine if we didn't go home with a baby?" He admitted when she was born, it was pretty scary.

I had over 24 hours of labor, two epidurals, a spinal, arrest of dilatation, Victoria went into respiratory distress and I had to have an emergency C-section during which NO ONE would answer me regarding the condition of MY BABY that didn't cry and was wisked off to the ICU after a glance. It was all traumatic and hard to talk about even now, but I WENT HOME WITH MY BABY. I can't even imagine and I do not ever want to if that did not happen.

Please everyone, keep Wiseguy and her family in your prayers and thoughts.

Hot Flashes

2011-01-20T12:46:00.002-05:00

I have suddenly become very "Hot" all the time. Because I am in and out of early menopause (high FSH, diminished ovarian reserve, etc) - I usually have hot flashes/extensive sweats in the 2-3 days leading up to my period. I have to chuck off my pajamas in the middle of the night, change the pillowcase, put down a towel. It was bad enough in the past years that my husband bought me some Wild Bleu pajamas, made for women in menopause. Old women. Sigh. We call them my "sweaty pajamas" because they help with the hot flashes at night. Last night I am on Day 8 of my cycle and surprisingly had severe hot flashes. I ended up sleeping with nothing on. (TMI) I've been having them all day. Where I worked used to be cold, but people complained and now it is 77 in my area. I am roasting and hot and sweaty all day. Hot flashes + warmer temperatures = crabby and lethargic.

Ugh. Menopause.

2011 goals

2011-01-15T13:36:00.003-05:00

Even thought it is a few weeks into the new year, I haven't had the time to really sit down and articulate what exactly I would like to achieve, accomplish, experience, etc in the upcoming year. This does require some thought, because "those that fail to plan, plan to fail", right?

Many of my goals are practical. I would like to get Victoria potty trained this year, all from a cost/convenience/growing up standpoint. I would like to teach her to write her name (I know, a little young), brush her teeth on her own (with supervision from mama), and have her be secure enough on stairs to remove the baby gates. Take her to the playground as much as I did last year.

Our house needs a large amount of cosmetic updates. We need to make decision about flooring, painting, light fixture, etc. Get a closet door for the upstairs hallway. Finally redecorate my downstairs tiny bathroom. Plant more flowers this spring. pick out a new front door. Keep the weeds out of the driveway.

On an emotional level, I want to lay down more non-negotiable boundaries with my family. I want to be direct (both personally and at work); to say what I mean and mean what I say. I want to handle conflict well. When people are emotionally dumping on me (this happens ALL the time), I want to be able to handle it gracefully AND cut it short. My spouse needs more extra special attention, more date time, more adult time. Worry less and live in the moment more!

ON a physicial level, I need to keep up my current rate of exercise or else I will be crippled up. And I would like to be able to do just ONE sit up. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK? A PUSH UP WOULD BE NICE TOO. I'd like to find something that doesn't make my hair so frizzy lately and lose 10 lbs before my class reunion in August. If I go. That is an entire other post.

Infertiliy. Of course I would like to be incubating a future member of our family. Hopefully in 2011 I can come to terms with what exactly to do.

Potty

2011-01-12T20:47:00.003-05:00

TOnight, for the very first time, my baby made POO POO on the potty!
I admit..... I cried!

I was giving her a bath to which she repeatedly said, "No bath", "No bath".
She started looking like she was going to the bathroom (it wouldn't be the first time). I tried to pull her out of the tub, and she wouldn't let me. I let the water out and then put the Dora seat on the big potty, set her on it, gave her books, and left the room. It should be noted that she was wrapped in a towel and I think that made her feel very secure. I kept checking in on her and it was clear that she definately wanted the privacy. She kept pushing me out of the room. I continued to let her know I was nearby, and after 30 minutes, she had poo-poo'ed and wiped.

She has been very obstinate, negative, tantrum-y, and crabby lately. This made me so super excited about parenting again ;)

Not a good way to start the year

2011-01-10T15:38:00.001-05:00

I'm up in my hometown. I had to take some time off and come up here to take care of a few things.

As I was packing up to leave today, I got the intestinal virus going around. Now I'm stuck here until I'm better.

Resting

2010-12-31T20:29:00.002-05:00

P's family just came over for New Year's Eve.
It's been nice. Really nice. I'm enjoying their company.
Drama free, which I appreciate.
P made the most fabulous dinner. This am we ran to AA to Whole Foods and Zingermann's and spent more than I care to admit on dinner. He made bacon wrapped scallops, buttermilk mashed potatoes, Zingermann's mac & cheese (with cream and a pound of raw milk cheddar), salad, and flourless chocolate cake with chocolate truffles from San Chez. I ate a lot and all was good. I cleaned up and we are all hanging out in the living room.
Vi skipped a nap today. Sigh. It's 8:45 and she really needs to settle down for bed. She's been quite friendly to everyone.
Two days of vacation left. Sniff.

Some Christmas Pictures

2010-12-29T14:00:00.003-05:00

The Christmas picture dress:

The Hartstrings Christmas outfit with matching, shirt, skirt, sweater and tights (not in picture) for a bargain price of $4.00.

again, taken with my IPhone, so not so great quality.

Tidbits

2010-12-23T20:10:00.003-05:00

Or leftovers, the Thursday night edition, since tomorrow is Christmas Eve.
* Just gave my little babydoll a bath. I put a tiny drop of curling cream in her hair and it is curly (what there is of it!)
* It's Christmas Eve Eve. Some people say Christmas Eve Adam. I think that is lame.
* Off work for a bit. Grateful for a job with paid holidays.
* It's been an EXTREMELY STRESSFUL week. My family is quite upset we will would not be there on Christmas Day (it's a 10 hour round trip) as we wanted to spend it in our own home. We couldn't agree on when and how to get together over the holidays and they were pretty unyielding about their desires including refusing our invitations to come here. My error is not being more up front with them about everything, but still. Listening to your mom cry about it and getting nasty text messages from your sister is NOT COOL.
* The stress from all this caused diarrhea, nausea, stomach pains and anorexia. I hadn't felt great starting earlier this month, but now it is a full fledged attack. I talked to the doctor and nurse. They think I have Crohn's Disease. That is pretty upsetting.
* P went to the grocery store to buy food for tomorrow and Christmas Day. He is going to beat the crowds. I have "Best of Elmo 2" video on. I recommend it. It's really cute. At the end of the video Adam Sandler sings a song that rhymes "Elmo" and "Smellmo".
* V has some sort of post nasal drip and has been up coughing the last two nights. I'm tired. I'm ready to go to bed now to be honest.
* The potty training is not realy coming along well here. I'll post more about that later.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everyone! I am looking forward to sitting around, some gym workouts, eating, Wii, hugging, kissing, and playdoughing up my baby, and not getting dressed.

Hello!

2010-12-19T13:59:00.005-05:00

I've been having some computer issues with my netbook. It constantly redirects me to weird sites, is slow, and has been shutting down. I'm sure there is some adware lurking in there, and I am going to have P look at it.

I baked cookies last week. It was an easy shortcut. I used the refrigerated cookie dough already broken into segments (it saved me making and rolling and cutting dough) as I am not the best baker. This morning V and I decorated cookies. She did not say a word the entire time, she was very intent and very busy. Some decor we sprinkled from the container, and some were in a large container that I let her apply with a spoon.

Someone even ate one halfway through.....

The finished product:

Recap of the week

2010-12-12T16:06:00.002-05:00

We're back! We flew in yesterday afternoon and my child absolutely screeched and screamed when she saw us. My sister had her waiting at the door for us. (My sister made her very first appearance at our house in the almost 8 years we've lived here. Wonders never cease).

Our vacation verdict:
It was wonderful to talk to my husband.
It was wonderful to walk around most of the day.
It was wonderful to sleep in.
It was wonderful to eat Gluten Free things and not have a toddler climbing all over you, throwing food, and spilling her water.
It was wonderful to not have to worry about bedtimes. Or lunches. Or sippy cups.
It was wonderful to be romantic.
It was wonderful to have some sun.
It was wonderful to read THREE books! - Whistling Dixie in a Nor'easter by Lisa Patton (grade A-), Ill Never Be French no matter what I do Living in a Small Village in Brittany by Mark Greenside (grade B), The Almost Moon by Alice Seibold (grade C).
However, the weather was cold in Florida. Very cold. I had brought a winter hat (ugly one), winter coat, and gloves for the airport. I ended up wearing them for five of the six days we were there. I was still freezing. That was a big disappointment. It was too cold for the pool.

Our Child Being Away Verdict:
I missed her terribly. Especially the first day, and 2nd to last day. My mother sounded pretty tired when I talked to her. V sounded sooo happy whenever I heard her, so I was thrilled. I think my sister's family helped out a lot. When they had school/work I could sense the fatigue in my mother's voice. She seems fairly untraumatized, but quite clingy. I think she survived on a diet of Gerber Ravoli, applesauce, and graham crackers. My mom was obviously tired. My mom also only gave her two baths the entire week - ewwwww. But like I said, I think my mom was pretty exhausted.

Would I leave her again? Yes? But for not as long. And maybe with someone else.

Update

2010-12-04T21:25:00.002-05:00

The "baby" - aka my child slept the entire 2.5 hour trip and woke when my mom pulled into the driveway. My sister's family came over, entertained her, read her books, fed her the "precious" ravoli and bananas along with a cookie. My mom found my nephew's old Magna Doodle which she loved and the old Fisher Price Little People schoolhouse with the magnetic letters and chalk.

When I called I could happily hear her chattering away in the background! She was too busy to talk to me.

Prayers are still appreciated :)

Thanks for listening everyone.

just did it

2010-12-04T17:06:00.003-05:00

I just drove up and met my mother and nephew and dropped off my precious baby. It was so difficult you guys. My husband is being very supportive which I appreciate. I couldn't eat any lunch, and I had diarrhea and vomiting from the stress. Have you ever became so distressed that you became physically ill? I don't recommend doing it. I have a long history of this stuff, dating back to slumber parties when I was in grade school. It's no secret that I have an anxiety disorder.

I met them in Sam's Club and V was immediately suspicious and clingy. I went to the bathroom without her and my mom brought her in crying. That wasn't a good start. In addition, she was up a great deal of the evening with a loud, barking cough, but no fever. She coughed steadily the entire 1.5 hour drive up there. I was going to take her to urgent care there, but once walking around, she really improved. The car seat was finally installed in my mom's car and I was worried that she would bawl when I pulled away. I stopped to buy gas and my nephew called me and said she had fallen asleep right away! I was so relieved!!!

I talked briefly to my sister on the way home and she made me feel better saying that they were really looking forward to having her and would help my mom (my mom isn't well.....). I'm home bawling for a bit and missing V. It's just so strange to be without her, you know? I took half a Klonopin so hopefully that will help calm things the heck down. I know she will have fun there, my mom has lots of toys, and just bought her some new books and Elmo videos. That will help. I even caved and bought her one of those darn Pillow Pets (the knock off from Amazon that is smaller and half priced) to keep as a lovey.

Well, wish us (me) luck and I'll keep you updated. Anxiety stinks.

Advice needed

2010-11-23T10:17:00.001-05:00

P and I have been married for 10 years this past June. We used to travel often, which has now waned somewhat. We decided to go take a 10 year anniversary trip this year. Without V. We are planning on leaving for Florida (my choice) soon. V is going to stay with my mother (my father is deceased) up North. We leave on a Sunday and return on a Saturday. (Oh and BTW - someone is house sitting for us while we are gone!) I am going to meet my mom halfway on the day before we leave and hand over V. I am extremely concerned about this transaction. We plan to have lunch and visit Sam's Club, so there is some transition. I also have to pack my mom's vehicle will all of V's stuff and install the car seat. Frankly, my stomach is in knots about it and I feel like just bawling my eyes out. When I see that little confused face pull away, I am going to lose it. I hope she doesn't cry too much. She isn't up at my mom's that much, but she does know my mom. I wish my mom could some to our house for the week, but it really is a lot for her. My mom is supposed to bring her back to our house two days before we arrive home and take her to school one of the days (I know my mom will need a break!).

I know that my mother has fun things planned, and has plenty of books, toys, and videos for her. She will have oodles of attention from my BIL and my mom's old lady friends. But I am very worried that she will feel abandoned. And scared. And alone. And miss her friends at school. I am worried about her crying the entire time (I know she can't cry for an entire week, can she?). I have been preparing her by mentioning that she is going to visit Grandma and mama and daddy will be gone for a while, but will be back before she knows it.

I really would like to bring her with us, because I like to be around her at all times and miss her terribly when we are apart. However, I know this is important to foster independence. I am looking very forward to eating a romantic meal unmolested and without wrestling a toddler. I am looking forward to having time to listen to my spouse and doing fun adult activities with him. I am looking forward to thinking about "us" and just being together.

This morning

2010-11-18T09:24:00.001-05:00

Someone wanted to sit on the rug by the door.

Taken with my iPhone, so not high quality.

another IF post

2010-11-16T11:49:00.001-05:00

Another infertility post. Believe me, I am not sitting around thinking about this stuff all time. I am busy enjoying my little girl! But it hits me in little ways throughout the days. Thursday when I picked up V, I saw a little boy's mother I hadn't seen in a while. She was visibly pregnant. I felt like someone punched me in the stomach. Yesterday when I picked her up, there was another mother with a child in her class that was visibly pregnant. I just resigned myself this time. I told P last week and he listened, which made me feel better. He remarked that V was the perfect age - aka the age in which most people have their 2nd kid. In fact, V is the only 1 of 2 children in her room of 12 -16 kids (it interchanges) that is an only child. The other kid's parents look overwhelmed, so I don't know if it is an infertility issue. She just doesn't have the hungry longing in her eyes.
The fact that I conceived one child does not mean that I can conceive another. Even with help. To take a "glass half full" approach - that's okay! I had my Victoria, which is an incredible gift. Still trying to come to terms.

jaw update

2010-11-08T20:40:00.004-05:00

Last Wednesday I went to the oral surgeon for my one month follow up from my third surgery. It went well. I saw the resident that I like (and let's be honest, think is cute, but is probably 8 years younger than me), the fellow that did my 2nd surgery (and is very nice, but not as cute), and my surgeon. I was surrounded by men. My teeth and jaw make me such a unique creature of interest. (Sorry for the sidenote).

Things looked very good, despite the incision opening up twice. They were forced to just let the edges of the tissue grow together, and it has done so, quite well. I have to see the Prostodontist that is making my partial denture (my $5000 partial denture so damn it better be good), and in 3-4 more months we can "load" the implants with it. I'M SO EXCITED! I will have teeth on the bottom like 99.9% of the rest of the population.

Then my 4th surgery (aka the BIG ONE) is going to only be a one jaw surgery, on my lower jaw. It will be a Bilateral Sagital Split Osteotomy (BSSO), where my lower jaw is cut into pieces and repositioned. They are going to do a bone graft for my upper teeth spaces (that show and make me look like a jack o lantern) at that time.
That will be the first week of March.

Sad

2010-11-03T20:03:00.002-05:00

I have to get things out of the basement. The exterminator is coming tomorrow. yes, the mice problem has intensified. I called a local charity and put some things on the porch for pickup. Among them were the baby swing (sob) and the exersaucer. They were both hand me downs and not in perfect shape. I'm sad. I have to come to terms with this. This infertility. These dysfunctional ovaries.

The changing table, bath, carseats, and stroller are still down there. Just not ready yet.

Tis' the Season

2010-11-02T10:02:00.005-05:00

Now is the time to start thinking about Christmas presents. I am the type of person that tends to leave things to the last minute. I just can't do that anymore with Victoria being around and my husband working so much. Can I say that Amazon has been a gift from God? The last two years I've done a large Amazon order (with free super saver shipping) and that has really cut down my time running around to stores. This year we are going to Florida for our 10th Anniversary the first week of December (yikes, sans Victoria ) so anytime will be cut even less.

I don't like to spoil V with a ton of presents. Even though we were on the poor side growing up, we always had tons of presents at Christmas. Too many, really. My parents did things like A Christmas Club to save all year long.

Anyway, P's family is most likely not doing gifts this year, possibly picking names, so that will be easy. I don't really do gifts with my sister's family - I get the teens gift cards. V's teachers usually get gift cards to Target or Starbucks. My mom wants Estee Lauder Beautiful lotion/perfume. I got her started on this a few years ago, It's expensive, but luxurious and easy. I can't talk about P's gifts on here because he sometimes reads the blog. But he likes gifts :)

Vi has expressed a great deal of interest in bikes/tricycles. We were in Target and after 10 minutes I had to pull her kicking and screaming off a Radio Flyer Fold and Go Trike. It's $47 and my mother wants to get it for her. She would need a bike helmet too.

This is what I have for V so far:

Melissa and Doug Lacing Beads ~ $11 on Amazon.

Alix Barnyard Bath Toys ~$8

Fisher Price Barnyard - this costs $30 but I bought mine at Costco and it is some sort of deluxe set for $20. I'm excited about it.

I'm sure V will receive a ton of books, which is great. Used or new, we don't care!
I wish Santa would bring her a bookcase for all these books though.

Happy Halloween

2010-11-01T20:08:00.002-05:00

Funny Conversations I've had this week

2010-10-28T14:00:00.001-05:00

Crazy conversations I've had this week:

Scene: Vi took off her diaper, was running around and pooped on the floor (kitchen thank goodness). *Sigh*
VI: stinky (pointing at poop). Stinky.
Me: Victoria! Why didn't you tell mama that you had to go potty?
VI: I dunnnooknooowww
VI: Mama mad.
Me: No, mama is just disappointed. You have to tell mama when you have to go. Poop goes in the potty, NOT the floor.
VI: Okay mama (grins)
VI: Yes mama

Info: I'm working on a project at work and I need concentration, Usually I do not like music playing.
Me to P: I've been listening to You Tube on my Iphone at work lately.
P: What have you been listening to?
Me: Pearl Jam
P: Really?
Me: They are super great. I can't get enough of them
P: What were you doing in say... '93?
Me: I was in college.
P: And not listening to Pearl Jam
Me: no, they were popular then?
P: The '90's called. They want their music back.
Me: Maybe we could see them live. (Checks website). Oh, they haven't toured since 2006. :(
P: You're only about 20 years too late. Maybe you should get back in your time machine and go to a concert. *snickers*

Costco

2010-10-22T06:56:00.003-05:00

We went to Costco last weekend. V loves Costco, esp the free samples and three aisles of Christmas Toys. Here she is checking things out...

I may just....

2010-10-20T19:55:00.002-05:00

fall down and not get up one of these days. Things have been extremely chaotic.

After I had my surgery, I ended up being out for two more days. I just couldn't open my mouth enough and I had difficulty drinking and talking. Overall, I've been great though. The next week P was gone to Texas, and I was still recovering. The following week, I noticed the white bone graft showing through my gums. All the stitches had opened up! I had to drive to the ER at 8:00 at night and have my already VERY SORE gums re-stiched. I will not lie, it was painful. I did some deep breathing techniques so I didn't spazz out while the intern poked my sore swollen oral mucosa with a needle 11 times to numb up the area. He put in 8 new stiches and by the time I got home I was in pain. Today I had a follow up appointment and everything looked great. Then I noticed it opened up AGAIN! Tomorrow I have to go in and have it restitched again. Sigh.

P worked last weekend and has worked super late hours all last and this week. The cleaning woman has been out of comission. Everything is a huge, huge mess. I do the minimum every night - dishes, lunches X 3, baths, sweeping the floor, laying out the clothes. It takes forever and I don't sit down from 5:30-9:30 at night. I'm so darn tired. I can't keep up. I don't know what to do anymore. How do people with two little kids work full time and keep everything going and get to spent time with their kids? With the hours my husband works I think working one day a week less would help, but it's hard to give up the $$$. When I am at work, which I really like working, sometimes I miss V so much.

I didn't want this to be a complaint post. But wow, am I overwhelmed....

It went well

2010-10-07T11:27:00.002-05:00

So yesterday I had my 3rd jaw surgery. This one was technically a repeat of the 2nd surgery from the beginning of July from which I had four dental implants placed and hardware removal. I lost 3 of the 4 implants afterwards, etc.

I emailed my surgeon over a week ago asking him if he was planning on removing the hardware that was protruding through my gums and informing him that I did indeed have the surgical stent in my possession. The stent was made by my prothodontist and cost me $420. They packed everything up after my 2nd surgery and told me to take it back to him, not imagining that we would need it again. It's been locked in the cabinet under my downstairs bathroom sink.

I told my husband on the drive there that I'll bet they were hunting EVERYWHERE for that splint. We got to the hospital and thankfully, I had a fellow that I really liked. He came in and told us that "they were going to take some impressions" because "I haven't had any since June". Hahahaha. I played along for a while, and then I pulled the box out of my bag and said, "Oh, did you need the surgical stent? I have it right here". You should have seen his face! We all laughed. He said he called everywhere looking for it and called me twice. I don't why he didn't leave a message. My surgeon also doesn't read his email either. He admitted that he has over 1000 unread.

The start was slllooowww. They were training a new older male nurse (that was annoying and clueless) along with the nurse I like. The assistant brought in trays and trays of equipment. The fellow put in the IV with no problem. I sat for a looonnggg time while everyone ran around. I remember them giving me a little bit of meds (probably Fentayl and Versed) and then the room started to spin. Later, I remember trying to talk and them shushing me. I don't remember waking up at all or them taking out the IV or anything.

I didn't wake up in pain like last time and feel about 1000% better than the last surgery. I've had more oozing of blood and more swelling and a LOT more stitches. I can hardly open my mouth. Of course I'm on massive doses of Clindamycin (again) for 10 days. I only took one Norco before bed last night and am managing pain with Tylenol. They wrote me off for all week but I may go back tomorrow. Trying to conserve sick time.

I'm feeling.... I don't know, hopeful again?? :)

Infertility

2010-10-04T10:21:00.000-05:00

Victoria is growing up so quickly. People always tell you that they grow up quickly, and that is 100% correct. P and were discussing that the last vestiges of her babyhood are the diapers and the fact that she has little hair. Whenever I look at her I feel so incredibly blessed, lucky, thrilled, fortunate, grateful, happy - that I was able to have her. Even when she is pulling on me whining and crying when I am trying to do something.

P and I spoke the other night about what happens next. I so hoped that I would have gotten pregnant by now. We were never sure if going gluten free "Fixed" my infertility problems, or her conception was simply a case of the stars and moons aligning and the appearance of a miracle egg. I'm beginning to think it was the later. He asked if we wanted to get an egg donor to have another child. I said no. I don't think I can go through all that stuff again. Plus, the cash for no guarantee of a child being in your arms.

People think that because you had that child, the infertility feelings go away. They don't. They become less intense, and less hurtful, but that emptiness and inadequacy stay inside. At V's school, it seems every week I see another pregnant mother having a 2nd child. And I think - is that going to be me? I know people want to ask - when are you having a second one? And I want to yell - "I'm trying! I am so lucky to have this one". There is a lady in my sub (I don't know her that well) that has a 9 year old son and a new baby at 41. A huge surprise. She was infertile.

SO in conclusion, do we want another child? Yes. Am I willing to undergo more infertility treatments? No. How long will we keep trying? I don't know yet. I think we will both know when we reach that point. I will be 3 (cough) 8 (cough) next year so I think it is coming soon. Please pray for me to have the wisdom to know what and when to do.

2010-10-01T19:34:00.002-05:00

So what is new with me? A lot. Just haven't had the time to write about it.
I'm drinking a gin/Diet Squirt, eating popcorn, and using the computer while P rocks V to sleep as she watches Super Why. One of the two episodes that I TiVo'd. That V loves. And that P said, "I don't think I can take anymore of this episode".

* It's FALL here. And I wore shoes to work for the first time instead of sandals. I love sandals. I dislike finding socks. And I dislike finding Victoria socks and smushing her feet into shoes. Plus, her 6's are becoming quite tight and the 7's are way too big. It's very difficult to find toddler shoes in a 6.5 to boot.
* Wednesday I am having surgery on my jaw to replace the three implants that fell out. The surgeon is going to remove the metal holding my chin bone graft to my chin bone as well since it is sticking up through my gums and frankly, becoming a bit sore.
* What is this "Yo Gabba Gabba" show? Everyone seems to be into it.
* My period was 4 days late and I was so excited! But then it arrived. Sigh. Infertility rears its ugly head every month.
* We have more and more forclosures in our neighborhood. First, the house starts looking kind of shabby. The bushes become overgrown, the grass becomes long. Then there is more and more trash appearring at the curb. Then a water department notice. Then the abandonment and the notices. It's so depressing.
* Have you been watching "Dancing with the Stars"? It seems like everyone has. The only show I've been able to catch lately is "I didn't Know I was Pregnant".
* Greg Giraldo died. I'm sad. He was so funny at the Comedy Central Roasts. I love Stand Up Comedy. The last person we saw in stand up was Doug Standhope.
*

Bye, bye Bumbo

2010-09-20T19:42:00.003-05:00

My co-worker/friend has a 3 month old little boy. She didn't have a BUMBO and I offered her ours. When I brought it up from the basement, V was quite excited. I knew she would do something cute. She also let Elmo sit in it as well.

Terrible Twos is Right!

2010-09-17T10:38:00.000-05:00

Since she turned two, it is like Victoria has had a "tantrum switch" turned on. She has been having frequent, tantrum-y outbursts. Last week when visiting my mother, we were in Jo-Ann's Crafts buying fall wreaths. I let her walk in the store, but she wouldn't listen, running crazy all around the store, and lying on the ground if you attempted to corral her. She received several warnings, which resulted in her being put in the large portion of the cart. She screamed and cried and bawled for over 5 minutes. Surprisingly, it didn't bother me, but it upset my mother. She finally stopped when I she realized she wouldn't get her way.

The other night at dinner, she kept throwing everything she didn't like off her plate. I warned her twice, then she got her chair pushed into the corner for a time out. More screaming and crying.

I went to a house warming party last weekend. She was overtired and crying and I tried to take her home. She laid on the floor and went so limp, I couldn't pick her up. She did the same thing when I tried to put her in the carseat, etc. I was so physically tired after wrestling with her.

Last night was the worst. She was already tired, having skipped a nap at school (another thing - why is she doing this?). P got home late and was eating dinner at 7:00 pm. I made him a waffle, omelette, turkey sausages and mushrooms. I don't like Vi around eggs, since she is allergic. When he comes home, she always wants to sit in his lap and "help" him eat his dinner. I had her clothes off and was taking her upstairs for a bath. She loves turkey sausages, so she ate most of his. She really, really needed a bath and I knew there was going to be trouble. I plucked her from his lap and she fought me. Halfway up the stairs, that silent scream came out, you know, the one with the pause while the person works up breath to get the giant one out? That came out. I corralled her in the bathroom mad and bawling. She wouldn't sit in the water. I gave her bath toys and she threw them at me. So I washed her standing up and bawling. At one point I started to sing the "Super Why" song - her latest obsession. She then hit me in the face. You read that correctly. She hit me in the face. This is the second time she's done this. I was so angry. I grabbed her face and made her look at me and informed her that this was awful behavior and she wasn't going to do it again. I then brought her downstairs where she stopped crying.

It seems like she has a great deal of anger when she receives punishment. Is this normal? It seems like I am living with two little girls - one sweet, charming, and snugly, and other, a crying, bratty terror.

Good shopping and "Me" day

2010-09-09T19:09:00.003-05:00

Vi and I have been on vacation visiting my family for the Holiday while Daddy is backpacking. I decided to take the last day of my vacation as a "ME" day since I so seldom have them. I woke up early (sigh) but read the news and blogs in bed on my Netbook. Vi woke up and I got her dressed and fed and dropped her off at school. There was no hurry, so I sat and visited with the other little kids which was really, really fun. Surprisingly there were no tears when I left (P and I both have had bawling on drop off lately).

I went directly to the gym and had a fabulous workout. I did intervals on the elliptical and some light weight machines. After that, I left and bought a gigantic Diet Coke with ice from McDonalds. On a whim I decided to cruise over to AA and go to their kids' resale shop (much nicer and larger than the one in my town) and possibly visit Whole Foods after that for some Gluten Free goodies.

The resale shop was quite busy and I ended up spending $76. I was really looking for some Halloween costumes, but they mostly had infants left. The goods: a Gymboree Christmas Oufit $12, a pair of Gap brown cords and matching sweater $12, a pair of Gap jeans - $6.50, a Gymboree sweater - $4.50, a pair of pink snowpants - $8, a pair of New Merrel pink toddler snow boots (new with tags - $5!), and the most beautiful pink winter coat with a furry hood from the Children's Place, new with tags for $8.50.

After that I ran over to Whole Foods and picked up some good cheese, GF bread ($8- CRAZY), snacks, etc. Then I drove home super quickly, shoveled down lunch, took a quick shower and ran to get my hair cut and highlighted. While there, I read THREE magazines UNMOLESTED which was very nice. I picked up my child and had a nice evening with her.

It was great and I highly recommend.

the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

2010-09-01T10:58:00.002-05:00

I'm not even sure what to say. this is going to be rambly-esque post.

It's been busy.

The crap:
P was in Philly for work. He got home. He experienced a bad cold. He was crabby and feeling crappy to boot.
It was stiflingly hot and humid.
I lost yet another implant. I'm 1 for 4 right now.
My BSSO surgery was delayed by two months to January (okay, this is both good and bad as January is better than November)
Don't know if I want to invest more $$ in my teeth.
V has been laying on the floor an awful lot in protest. This is very hard on the parents' backs.
P's back is bad from lifting laundry as he had major problems for a week (see above).
V picked up P's glasses and broke the earpiece clean off with a snap. She wasn't the least bit sorry either.
Horrible hair days
Got my period after five days late. Was starting to play "what if" which is can be a heartbreaking game for infertiles. I was sure is was going to be a boy too.
Having dilemnna whether to sell all the baby stuff or not. Letting it go will be difficult to let go of V's babyhood and accept that she will be my only baby. However, maybe I'll have one of those haha moments where I got rid of stuff and now I'm pregnant!
2nd molars trying to erupt. Enough said.

The fun stuff:
I'm finished with my 3rd course of antibiotics! Yeah!
I took V to a new playstructure with swings twice this week after work. We had so much fun! She swang and swang and I had to basically drag her home. We need a swingset of our very own. I have spent so much time looking for a decent swingset for under $300. Craigslist, (don't want to dissassemble and carry away), ToysRus, Amazon, Walmart, etc. We haven't wanted to shell out $500 for the same ones in all the yards, but I really think she would use it. P and I finally agreed that he would get her one next spring FOR SURE.
What Halloween costume to get for V? This is fun part of parenting. She is still at the age where she has no say in what she gets to wear, and I get to indulge in whatever I can find a good deal on and that is cute! I am leaning towards Abby Cadabby from Sesame Street. I would like to try and make it but I am so sewing challenged.
The oral surgeon is not charging me for my 2nd "corrective" surgery!!!
P booked a 10th Anniversary Trip for us in December.
Labor Day is coming up - going to visit family up North (V and I are) for a long weekend.
Gymboree coupon for 20% off + gift card = :)
Been eating some great Gluten Free Bread this week from Celiac Specialities. texture is weird, but taste is great!

Talky Talky

2010-08-22T20:05:00.003-05:00

V has always seemed quite verbal. Lately she has been talking and chattering nonstop. She also been speaking in longer sentences. Tonight we got home (we were gone for the weekend) and she deliberately poured water all over the floor and received a time out. I crouched down by her to tell her what she did wrong. She grinned at me and said, "Yes mama, I sorry". The other night when she saw something on a Baby Einstein video she said: "That baby is sleeping". Tonight when we saw the neighbors' cat she said "Hi Crash the cat".

I was excited :)

The jaw saga continues

2010-08-20T20:21:00.003-05:00

On Sunday, P had a work picnic. On the drive there, my tongue found a swollen spot over one of my implants which I examined in the mirror. It was a swollen bump obscuring the implant. The implant also was flopping around in the socket. Uh, oh I thought. That is what happened with the last one prior to coming out. On Monday I called the Oral surgery resident and he never got back with me. I convinced myself it was getting better on Tuesday. On Wednesday, I stopped by the clinic, but they couldn't see me. Thursday I called again and recieved an appointment for 3:30 pm. They took me in late which could be a problem since with traffic and exiting the parking garage I am an hour's drive from picking up V. Of course, the took me in late. My surgeon was in surgery and I saw yet another new fellow, completely new to my case.

He limped in on crutches, took a tweezer like instrument out, and plucked the implant out of my gum. It was fairly painless, but I heard the crunch of bone as it came out. While the last implant failure was painless and bloodless, this was bloody.Very bloody. I bit down on gauze to reduce the bleeding. THe fellow announced that he was going to irrigate the wound. Last time this was simple. This time, he found so much infection and necrotic tissue that he had to debride it. He scraped out the area right down to the bone. That too was relatively painless. But it smelled. And it tasted bad. And I could feel the tool scraping against the bone. THen I got dry heaves and starting vomiting.

The fellow felt that he should page my surgeon. That was in surgery. That was a bit worrisome. I was the lucky recipient of YET another course of antibiotics this time a double - Flagyl and Clindamycin. Then I went home.

I was devastated. I don't know what is going to happen next.

What I want to remember

2010-08-04T18:02:00.003-05:00

Oh Victoria, as you approach two years old, there are so many things I want to remember about you right now:

*You will climb up in my lap, touch my face with your finger, and announce "Mama".
*You like to point at everyone in the room and learn their names, then receite them - "Mama, Daddy, Marlene, Grandma"
*You ignore me when I come to pick you up at school. You will run off and play with the stroller, or hide in the bathroom. I"m not sure why you do this, and it hurts mama's feelings, but you do it almost every day.
*While you leave school, you have to pause my your old rooms, have me lift you up, and wave. You become angry if I do not do this and show your displeasure by scowling and whining.
*You concentrate so hard on taking off and on your sandals.
*You put on Daddy's socks, even demanding them while he is still wearing them, pull them up to the knee, then parade around saying "cute". It's even cuter if you are naked.....
*You will bring your little bowl into the kitchen and say "more crackers" and then ask for "more cheese". You always ask for more cheese and rarely get it because you eat way to much of it.
*When I take you out of a shopping cart or stroller, you will wiggle with excitement when you can run off and explore.
*You think you should eat your way through supermarkets. I end up opening packages before I pay for them to keep you happy.
*How excited you are to watch "Elmo" which is your word for TV. You will stand up close to in in your excitement, like you want to climb in the TV and live with Elmo. How when the library DVD's of Elmo freeze up, you announce "broken".
*Your interest in books has waned from its obsessive to liking.
*Your hair or lack of it. You are so tall, yet resemble a baby with your amount of hair. People can become quite confused about your age.
*You like to throw everything that isn't nailed down in your little baby pool.
*You tap keys on my computer to try and make it work.
*The fun we have bouncing on the exercise ball. How you jump on mama whenever I try to use it to exercise and laugh and laugh because it is play time.
*Everything is lotion to you. Chapstick, containers of mustard, tubes of any liquid. You apply it all over you in such a serious manner. It is frankly so adorable.
*You all scrunched up in your crib under your afghan.
*the softness of the little hair that you do have.
*that you are becoming such a big girl, and no longer a baby.

dental implant woes

2010-08-01T18:18:00.002-05:00

Last night after four doses of Flagyl, I thought my implants and jaw looked better and less swollen. It turns out, the implant started to migrate upwards out of the socket drilled in pure bone and protrude through my gums. I phoned the fellow on call and on the way to the ER, it fell out. He irrigated the hole in the bone and sent me home. I searched the literature and I cannot find one SINGLE case of this happening. There are many cases of implants failing (about 10%), usually they become loose and and have to be removed. Never have I heard of the implant working its way out of the bone in this manner. Two of the three remaining implants are loose, and we are watching them carefully. The crazy thing is that this was completely painless.

I'm just so disappointed.

tidbits

2010-07-31T12:30:00.003-05:00

*V is crabby today and broke out in red, angry eczema spots. Last weekend she boycotted naps both days. Momma was so very tired.
*My infection has not cleared up. The good news is that it is NOT in the bone. The bad news is that I am taking another antibiotic, Flagyl. It makes me feel - ugh. I have nausea, and diarrhea and stomach pains. Skipped lunch. I NEVER MISS FOOD OPPORTUNITIES!
*P worked soooo many hours this week. But he came home "earlier" on Thursday night so I could play BUNKO with my lady friends. It was nice to get out. I hadn't played in over three months.
*This Tuesday is Primary Day in Michigan. If I receive just one more candidate (prerecorded garbage) phone call, I am going to become extemely angry. Back in my campaigning days, we would call this Saturday "the Blitz" and be up all night "getting the message out".
* Speaking of annoyances, I am a fan of celebrity gossip (I'd a holdover from when I lived in the UK), but even I have reached my tolerance for the Chelsea Clinton Wedding and Lindsay Lohan's jail sentence.
*Next weekend I am doing a mexican themed ELMO dominated picnic at home for Victoria. I don't do that well entertaining, so wish me luck!

Cute baby dancing

2010-07-27T11:19:00.003-05:00

Here is my baby dancing. Her school had an open house on Saturday. It was Hawaiian themed.

(for bargain hunters: I got the dress at a Mom's sale with the hat for $2. It's from Janie and Jack). The sandals are Gymboree and I bought them new with tags for $10.

the infected one

2010-07-26T08:43:00.002-05:00

It's no secret I've been having issues with my last jaw surgery.
I started having increased swelling on Friday. The skin around my implants had formed into blood bubbles and pussy yellow bubbles. I called the clinic AGAIN around 9:30 am and the resident on call was supposed to call me back. It got be almost 11:30 with no return call and and I called back and told the receptionist that I needed to be seen TODAY because I had an infection. THey told me to come at 12:30 pm. Ha! Success.

My surgeon was on vacation. The fellow handling my case was at a conference. The 1st year residents did agree that I have an infection Whether it was superficial or in the bone was yet to be determined. Since I have a bunch of metal in my face, that means that the chin plate and hardware from my previous surgery could also be causing the infection. They took another X-ray and just weren't sure. At least there were two cute younger guys fawning over me, right? Another fellow came in and said definitely an infection and diagnosed Peri-implantitis. If you have read anything about this on the internet, it is isn't pretty.

They were going to re-cut the flap and irrigate the area, then re-sew it. Great. Instead, since it was draining, they decided to try and pull off some of the pus (with a syringe) to culture. Thankfully, he put numbing cream on the area, and I didn't feel a thing. He wasn't able to pull off any pus. I got sent home on antibiotic mouth rinse (burns like crazy) and massive doses of Clindamycin - 4 pills a day. Clindamycin also kills off the good bacteria in your gut, so I've been trying to pop some probiotics whenever I get the chance. Strangely, the pain isn't bad at all.

Wednesday I see the oral surgeon and they are going to decide if they want to remove everything. Pray, pray that I heal. I really cannot shell out another $4300 to get these implants replaced. I paid out of pocket last time. All I want is some teeth on the bottom so I can bite into things, like say, normal people?

Important Dates this week.

2010-07-23T06:35:00.002-05:00

This is a week filled with many dates. For instance, today, July 23, my father has been deceased for 7 years. I miss him terribly and wish he was here for one more conversation. Not only was he a great father, he was my friend.

Monday July 19th would be my parents 41st wedding anniversary.
Tuesday July 20th, 1990 was the date my father received his kidney transplant. He had it for 14 years until his death seven years ago. This year would mark the 20th anniversary of someone losing their loved one this week. So I think about them too. I really have meant to write a letter to Gift of Life for the donor family, but it keeps slipping my mind.

Victoria was originally due on July 20th. But of course, we all know how that worked out. :)

Picture Post

2010-07-18T19:46:00.005-05:00

I had V's 2 year pictures taken today. It went better than usual. Now I can get the proofs online. Here is a sampling:

As you can tell, the barette made its way out of her hair eventually. We bought the white dress on clearance at the store and it ended up working great!

Caught up

2010-07-15T12:14:00.000-05:00

I am sick of my mouth and my mouth pain. So I am going to talk about something else.

Because Victoria was delayed in fine and gross motor skills slightly, she qualified for Early On Services through the State of Michigan. Because she was mildly impaired, the nurse would come and meet with us every 3 or 6 months or so, make recommendations, give us pamphlets, and help us set goals for her to meet. Cognitively she was always ahead. (Yeah, baby!)

The Early On nurse we had we just loved. She of course left, and we finally got her follow up visit scheduled. Last night the nurse showed up at 5:30 and was at the house until almost 8:00 (Yikes! I was tired, starving and in pain when she left). The FABULOUS news is that they discharged V from their services. A child has to be at least 20% delayed or have a significant medical condition or other needs to stay in the program. The last time I think they stretched it out a bit to have her qualify, but now she is right on target. They test above and below targeted age. V was super cooperative, polite, and a great listener the entire time. She usually distrusts strangers, but the nurse got on the floor with her little box of stuff and Vi went right up to her. She sorted blocks by color, sorted shapes, put together a puzzle, found hidden blocks, identified pictures, all with ease. The skills she could not perform (some were older than her age - like 34 months) is jumping ( a 24 month skill), stringing beads on a string, imitating a command (ex: act out how mommy washes the dishes). Cognitively she ahead - 28-32 months, but gross motor skills are probably her weakest area.

I am going to have to think up of these little games and puzzles, because she really enjoyed them.

I was concerned about her being such a late crawler (10.5 months) and a later walker (14.5 months), but thankfully, she is fine now :) Praise God.

Post Surgery Update

2010-07-12T04:35:00.004-05:00

Friday evening I had a repeat of the previous evenings. My pain was not controlled, I wasn't sleeping, and I felt horrible. I "hit the wall" so to speak. I called the junior resident on call at the hospital (what is the difference between the chief resident, junior resident, fellow, etc?) and he was very nice. He said that while pain is minimal for this type of surgery, people heal at different rates. He would gladly call something else in for me, but since the Ibuprofen seemed to be working, take 400 mg every four hours. That is what I have been doing. I cried and cried. I was exhausted and pain is really wearing on you. It's not like I got to rest much either.

Saturday night I was fed up. I took my Ibuprofen at 10:00 PM. I decided after further thought and research to take Klonopin (i hadn't taken Norco for almost 24 hours). I took half a dose. I slept from 11:30 to 9:45 am! P let me sleep in. That was great! My pain was better on Sunday. It was about a 25% improvement. I'll take it!

I tried the same thing last night. I woke up at 4:30 am in pain. I'm going to go into work early. Wish me luck on working today. The business might distract me from pain, but it's a lot for ne talk and be there all day when I don't feel well.

It is 3 am. On the dot.

2010-07-09T02:00:00.002-05:00

And I am awake once again. Due to pain. and just like Wednesday a.m., Vi is up crying. Again. I didn't realize two nights could be so similiar. My pain has been bad. I called yesterday and talked to the resident on call. They said to take Norco 2 - 325 mg tablets every six hours and alternate 400 mg Motrin in between. The pain goes away completely for around 1-2 hours at a time, but by 5 1/2 is is back full force. Lots of throbbing and pain when I open my mouth. I'm terrified it won't go away. Even thought it is less than 48 hours after surgery. I'm a catastrophizier (sp). I'm already worrying the implant is impinging on a nerve, when I don't have any of the lip numbness or anything else indicitive of this. I guess I'm just healing.

When I called, they seemed surprised by how much pain I'm having with this surgery. Leave it to me to be different. I'ld just like to get some sleep, thanks. Despite being home yesterday, I didn't nap and received under six hours of sleep the last two nights.

I just made some instant mashed potatoes and I made them too hot, so I am drinking a Boost and going to try to lay down again. Vi stopped crying. Thank goodness.

Surviving Post Surgery

2010-07-07T21:31:00.003-05:00

I am hanging in there. Much less swelling, but much, much more pain. Lots of pain. Think about gettng kicked in the teeth and super sore cheek muscles. Don't forget the pulsing itchy (weird I know) pain in my lower jaw.

I had four screw implants placed in my lower center jaw. The three screws sticking up through my skin were removed. Also apparently the bone ridge (which was augmentened at my last surgery), was too high, so that had to be lowered by grinding it away with a drill burr. Everything was stitched up neatly with black thread instead of white thread.

Other than the pain, things went much smoother than the last time. We woke up V early and dropped her off at school at 7:10, about an hour earlier than usual. She was surprisingly good natured, but cried to stay with us when we dropped her off. We got there and P was able to come back with me for a bit. The resident started the IV, went over the procedure, and had me sign consent. The nurse set up the EKG and oxygen. They are all ready to get started and the resident says, "oh you aren't pregnant, aren't you? When was your last period?" Uhmm try 25 days ago. I was hoping that I was pregnant. So I had to go pee in a cup. Of course it was negative.

I don't remember that much, but I do remember waking up during the surgery. That can happen with conscious sedation, but despite having it 8 times in the past, that has never happened. I remember them telling me to open my mouth, and that is the extent of it. When I woke up of course they tried to rush me out (are you seeing a pattern here?). I kept telling them I was thirsty and they ignored me. I told them I was having pain and they told me to take Ibuprofen when I got home. Gee, thanks. I made Paul stop at the hospital coffee kiosk and buy me a Diet Coke which I started sipping right away. We ended up getting home around 12:00. He dropped my med prescriptions off and picked me some soup and mashed potatoes form the coney island. I took some of Norco (it was stronger) from my earlier surgery and fell fitfully asleep for a few hours.

The pain came back with a vengence around 4:30 so I took Ibuprofen then. At 6:30 I was still in a lot of pain so I took a dose of the liquid Norco. At 9:30 it is really bad again, so I took one of the oral Norcos. It's dulled somewhat, but not gone. The weirdest things hurt after surgery, like my cheeks (apparently they told my husband I have such a small mouth that they really had to streeeecchhh it open. I feel it now. My upper teeth (which were not touched) are THROBBING. Everything got jarred around.

I am going to sleep in bed tonight instead of in the recliner. That's a plus!

Happy 4th of July

2010-07-05T20:36:00.004-05:00

We spent the long weekend on the West side of the State with P's family. Here is Victoria swinging at Mears State Park this morning.

There were both good and bad things about the weekend:
Good - the beautiful beach at the Lake Michigan/Bass Lake outlet
Bad - the super hot weather
Good - the traffic and journey were surprisingly stress free
Bad - P's relative that we stayed with has no air conditioning, keeps the windows closed, and had a tiny fan. We roasted.
Good - V loved playing in the water
Bad - multiple, multiple applications of sunscreens. I'm sunscreened out.
Good - when I took V out this morning and we played at the McDonald's playplace in the air conditioning and had a super fun time
Bad- people clearly ignoring the "NO DOGS" sign at the beach and letting their dogs crap in the water right near where my daughter was playing.
Good - three day weekend!
Bad- mosquito bites
Good - warm white sand
Bad - not sleeping due to the heat and being woken up early by P's relative
Good - watching P swish V back and forth in the water and watching her laugh
Bad - P getting overheated after baking in the sun at the parade.
Good - P looks pretty good with a tan

All in all it was good weekend.

Friday Night Leftovers

2010-07-02T19:58:00.002-05:00

*It's 4th of July weekend. A three day weekend. That coupled with my second jaw surgery on Wednesday means I'm probably only working one day next week.

*Victoria is currently obsessed with ELMO videos. "Elmo's Potty Time" and "Elmo's Shapes and Colors". The first is from the library and the second I bought. I can't stop singing "accidents happen" and "It's hip to be a Square". I feel vaguely guilty letting her watch TV, but it's for less than an hour a day.

* I have a cute 4th of July dress for Victoria. She's worn it before and I cannot find it now. When it is the actual 4th of July. Where the heck did it go?

*We have a gigantic rabbit problem in our neighborhood. When we first moved in it was cute, but now they are EVERYWHERE. I can't plant a lot of flowers because they eat them all. Even things they are not supposed to "like" such as marigolds. They ate all the marigolds and petunias this year. I tried putting this "CritterRid" stuff down and it worked for the tulips, but not on anything else. Our backyard is fenced and they just dig under the fence.

*Gymboree was having a huge sale and I scored V some very cute outfits (She really didn't need them...) for around $8. Coupled that with free shipping and a discount code I found online and I cleaned up.

Ugh

2010-06-28T20:58:00.003-05:00

It seems like when you have a bad day, it is a extremely crappy one. Does one bad thing attract other bad things, or is that one bad thing put you in a hypersensitive realm for another minorly bad thing and blow them out of proportion? I had my performance review at work and I received the highest rating, however, the goals/narrative for this upcoming year sort of well, hurt my feelings/were brutally honest. Then I job that I had interviewed for, and really wanted, and was told I was the top candidate for, I received an email saying "I wasnt' a good fit at this time". Okkkkaaayy then. So someone more qualifed than me beat me out. I can accept that. The job was re-posted later that day. So they just didn't want ME. I can't figure that out. To top it off, the cottage we rented kept a very large part of our very large security deposit because of the way "we left the cottage". Okay then...... Fantastic.

1:45 hours left to this day - a MONDAY - that may be the reason, and I am done with it.

A new start is always good.

Vacation Post

2010-06-21T18:00:00.009-05:00

We went up to Northern Michigan for a week's house rental on the water. It's something we've done several times before in various locations in Northern Michigan. Usually it is a nice house right on Lake Michigan, or in this case, an Inland Lake. It was nice to be outside and off work. If you think Michigan is just Detroit (which we all know is yucky), you are missing out on incredible beauty.

Victoria playing with toys the minute we got there.

Someone fell asleep with their Life preserver on.

Petting the animals outside the Black Star Farms Winery. (A huge hit!)

In front of Lake Michigan at Leelanau State Park. V loves to throw stones in the water (or anything in the water for that matter).

Giant Michigan strawberry that looks like a heart. Fresh local strawberries are amazing. They are so juicy and sweet, nothing like what is found in grocery stores even those can be good too.

Inside of the house view.

Target Trip

2010-06-21T17:50:00.002-05:00

Many people in blogworld like to talk about the deals they find at Target. I do too. Today I had an unplanned trip because V was back at school for the first time in two weeks and I was informed that Tuesdays and Fridays are "water days". The kids need a bunch of water paraphanalia and get to play outside with water. Fine, great. Vi has two swimsuits, both getting too small. Target had adorable swimsuits, but with the way she burns I was looking for a surfer wetsuit type of shirt. Nothing in a 2T or really any size except 12M & 5T. Tis the season. I bought her some slightly large water shoes = $8, water diapers = $9 - $1 coupon plus free shades, more sunscreen- Aveeno - $7, regular diapers - $20 (I stopped buying the Target brand for school, they got too saggy), applesauce for school - $2, $8 - ELMO shapes video, $2 puffs, $4 worth of Ravolis to keep in the car for emergencies, $2.50 shirt to wear over swimsuit. The only thing I bought for myself was a 24 pack of Diet Coke. !!

I also looked at all the clearance, but the most I found was 50% off. I'm looking for more!