I received some very lovely gifts for Christmas and I feel very blessed. I have shelter, a vehicle (my Edge!), food (gluten free as it is), healthcare, a job, and so much more than others. We got back late last night from A-town after a few days with my family. Tomorrow we are going to Grand Rapids overnight to spend time with P's family.

So we have a Playstation 2. P bought me a few new games for it since I don't play that much. He got me Guitar Hero. It is really fun and he seems to be almost 'obsessed' with it which can be evidenced by him obsessively playing it. It is really fun and you feel like you are really jamming away. It also can be a little bit challenging. I am still only playing in "easy" mode. I was reading a newspaper editorial about how it's lame and that people should be learning to play 'real guitar' instead of wasting time on video games. Anyway - it's pretty fun and I recommend picking a copy up if you have the means. I just asked him if he wanted a break, but he said "he is trying to get a bunch of money saved up for something" obviously to spend in the 'store' in the game. Guess I won't be playing for a bit! It is nice to see him enjoying himself before he's off to school in less than a week.

Oh and I didn't tell you about my big Christmas suprise..............


I'm pregnant.

moar funny pictures

It's a blizzard!

Actually, not a blizzard, but a terrible storm out! About 4 in of snow on the ground, steadily coming down and terrible blowing and drifting. I didn't go out yet today - missed church, gym, grocery shopping, and christmas shopping. Places along Lake Huron (like A) are supposed to get 14 in! Crazy. Glad P will be doing the shoveling later. No sense in doing it now as it is blowing around like crazy.

I'm going to stay in and wrap gifts, and try and finish those damn cookies.

funny website

yes I am still alive. A lot has been going on which I will share in detail in the near future.

This website makes me laugh out loud. Even though I am not a cat person, it is sooooo hilarious. Check it out!

http://icanhascheezburger.com/

So I've been fairly blah lately. I also have had tons of anxiety. So much, that I wake up in the night with my stomach aching and hurting and swirling around and then I can't get back to sleep. I am now off wheat again because my tests scheduled for the 10th were cancelled. I've had diarrhea, nausea, feeling pukey, and hardly any appetiate. In fact, I've lost about 6 more pounds. I dont' feel going to the gym either. I think I may be a little depressed.

I'm sure there is a combination of factors - the yo yo ing with my health, missing my mom and family, winter, Christmas, and I think in the back of my mine P being gone for the entire month of January. I'm quite independent and fairly busy. But I miss him when he's gone. It's dark and cold and January. In fact he was gone all of Last Jan & Feb to Alabama. I saw him every other weekend. I did fine. But this time it sends me into a panic.

I'm going to the MD on Monday to have a talk. I really want to snap out of this anxiety induced funk. At least I slept last night. I have so much I am thankful for and lucky to have in my life. But all I do is worry, worry, worry, stress. I hate it.

38%

Washington Dating

What's new?

Nothing too exciting to blog about. Lots of random tidbits I guess.

* Had a pretty quiet Thanksgiving. Didn't overeat, which is a suprise.
* Reading a great book currently - "Voices from Chernobyl"- an oral history about the disaster. I find myself wondering what the hell these people were thinking. But then P reminds me that they were still under Communism when this happened.
* Not too enthusiatic for Christmas this year. Considering not putting up a tree or decorating since it is a ton of work and a pain in the butt. That would make me old and depressed. Still deciding.
* No shopping completed yet. See above.
* Starting baking this weekend. I like to give cookies and sweet breads to friends and family. It is a lot of work. If I couldn't eat gluten currently, I would consider not doing it.
* Starting watching this new show (it's actually on the 4th season) called Kenny vs. Spenny. So funny. Lots of laugh out loud moments and grossness.
* A real Bezoar - not just in Harry Potter.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/HEALTH/11/21/hairball.case/index.html
* We finally finished painting our landing/hallway to upstairs. There is a border waayyy out on the landing (How/why the hell did they do that?) which P ended up painting over. We also rearranged all of our living room furniture (real excitement here folks) and I did a lot of decluttering this house.

Dangerous!

We here in Michigan are the lucky winners of the honor bestowed upon us. Detroit beat out St. Louis to become.... "The Nation's Most Dangerous City". I could have told you that. The main things that come to mind when I think about Detroit are corruption (the current mayor), dereliction, dying, and depressing.

Here's an exerpt from www.abcnews.com

"with at least 75,000 people based on per-capita rates for homicide, rape, robbery, aggravated assault, burglary and auto theft. Each crime category was considered separately and weighted based on its seriousness, CQ Press said. Last year's crime leader, St. Louis, fell to No. 2. Another Michigan city, Flint, ranked third.

Detroit was pegged the nation's murder capital in the 1980s and has lost nearly 1 million people since 1950, according to the Census Bureau."

Although people not from the Metro Area consider us to be living in Detroit, we actually live quite a long distance from the actual city - around 30 miles. We also don't go into the city very often. It's a hassle. The traffic, the parking, the beggars, the risk of violent crime. Seriously, that is a reason. You don't feel that safe down there unless you are in a very small, highly policed area of Cobo Hall, Joe Louis Area, Tiger Stadium (the new one) and Greektown.

You visit places like Chicago, or Toronto, or London and people live there. They walk around, they shop there. Those cities are vibrant and alive for the most part. There really are no large stores in the city, few pharmacies, and even fewer supermarkets. That stinks for people in the city that have to go elsewhere to shop. Many of them don't have decent transportation. In Detroit there are so many abandoned and vacant buildings you are unsure which is an actual operating building until you are there at night and the lights aren't on. When most Americans hear about Detroit they think about race riots, Devil's Night fires, housing projects, and shootings. I grew up reading the Detroit newspapers and we never ever even considered going to the city for anything. Ever.

I was there three times last year, which is more than usual. Our usual annual pilgrimage is to the Auto Show at Cobo Hall. The organizers have talked about moving it out, but I shudder to think of what would happen. Since I also live in the same county as the city, I was called for jury duty, which I went downtown for. We also went downtown for a Red Wings Game. Thus, I'm done for the year!

I also used to live in Flint when I did my clinicals which to be completely honest, I feel is much, much worse than Detroit. Detroit at least has a good pockets and people do live there. There are open business and the city has history and some attractions. Flint's entire North End should be bulldozed. It is full of rubbish piles, burnt out houses, decrepit houses, and uban blight and decay. It is just all so depressing.

Overindulgence

At work someone is always eating junk. Always. Today, my coworkers were drinking some fru fru drinks from Starbucks and urged me to have one. No thanks, sugary drinks make me sick. Then there was a reception with BOTH huge bagels and tons of regular cream cheese and huge, huge deluxe bakery donuts with about an inch of icing on each. Then later someone brought in cookies. There was brownies down another hallway. Leftover Halloween Candy down another. I am proud to say that I didn't eat any of it. to top it all off, my coworkers all got Chinese for lunch and they are go out for work for nachos and drinks. It's very hard to resist peer pressure and they sort of get upset when you don't indulge with them. Believe me, I would like to. I love donuts and bagels. Bagels are like crack to me, a recovered carb addict. I used to eat two bagels a day when I was heavier because they were 'low fat'. Sure I miss that, but not falling asleep in the morning from insulin spikes makes me feel a lot better. I wish people would not get upset with me because I can't indulge. I do feel left out, but this is my health, my life. I have to take care of myself. No one else is going to. It was almost easier when i couldn't eat wheat so I had a perfect alibi. Of course, they liked to say to that - can't you just have a bite? So a message to them: No thank you, but thanks for the invitation, I just will have to decline.

It's been a busy weekend. TOday is P's birthday so we both took the day off. We didn't do anything specific, but just hung out and did whatever we wanted. Friday P won a work raffle for Red Wings tickets. We ended up driving into the city, which is a PIA. The game was fantastic though, with really great seats. Even non-sports liking P had a great time. Saturday P's brother came over and we went out to eat at a Brazilian restaurant where they bring various cuts of meat to your table and slice off cuts for you. Wonderful, but really busy and not too relaxing. We then played a long game of Cities and Knights of catan and then Ticket to Ride. P's grandma and mum stopped in yesterday on their way to Florida and despite killing myself running around yesterday, we spent time with them. Today I went to the gym and then we went bowling. I bowled a 59 & 63. P had a really hot streak bowling. We are currently hanging out watching You tube 80's videos. Then we are going to eat Chinese food and have a Sopranos marathon tonight.

It's snowing out.

Very lightly, but still snow. I usually walk/jog (mostly walk these days) at lunch. I am unable to do so because it is just too cold. Thus I am writing in my blog at my desk while I eat the delicous BBQ meatloaf that P made two nights ago.

Speaking of food - I'm back on gluten. I had been off gluten since July 3rd. Honestly, I looked back on it with quite a bit of trepidation because I had been so ill. The [lousy] MD needs a biopsy to diagnose for gluten disease and thus, one must eat gluten prior to having this biopsy.

I ate my first piece of bread on Monday morning for breakfast. Good, healthy, homemade 9-grain bread. 10 minutes later, the heartburn, reflux, and chest pain started. Was it psychosomatic? No, because I was expecting stomach pain and diarrhea. None of that. It was some terrible heartburn, I can assure you. The next days I continued to have heartburn. I have interestingly had no diarrhea to date [yes-there should be a limit on the amount of times I use the word 'diarrhea' in a blog]. I also am having body pains again and a dull aching pain in my navel area. Also, my skin is very itchy again & my bladder seems irritated. So we will see. What is crazy interesting is that I have energy this week. A lot of energy.
Crazy, crazy!!

Last night I did have some stomach pains.

So the time change really has me messed up. We were in P for P's family Christmas this weekend (his mum and grandma go to FL) and my eating schedule gets off coupled with the time change really wrecks havoc on my blood sugar and thus what I ate. Tomorrow as part of my > 30 days of wheat-eating-I-need-a-biopsy-to-diagnose-celiac I will start eating wheat. I am going to start with a piece of gourmet bread that I have in my freezer. I'll keep you posted.

As P's grandma gets older (she is now 85) the family dinners get less good. Did you ever notice a tendency for old people to be reluctant to throw things away and/or keep things that SHOULD be thrown away?? My grandmother was like that big time. She would buy two liters of soda at Christmas, the store brand of course, and then keep it in the fridge half consumed and offer us some again say ... the next September. Yuck! Routinely we are at P's house and his Grandma has crap in her cupboards that expired say.... 3 years ago? For instance, P's brother wanted a shake earlier in the summer and I found the malted powder in the cupboard. It was a hard dried up rock. I turned it over and the expiration date said "1999" and it clearly was unusable. She thought it was fine and proceeded to try and use it until I stepped in. Then she got angry and defensive. She does go to Florida for half the year which may be why things don't get used and left. They aren't open, so what is the problem (ranch salad dressing, expired 06/2003)? I agree while they most likely won't kill anybody, they are not super fresh and taste that way. She served a caramel apple pie that someone had given her from Sam's Club that had been frozen for over two years. I took a tiny bit of caramel and it tasted like freezer burn. She gave us two pieces to take home because "no one ate it".

When I was a kid, I routinely had old neighbors that would generously give me a bag of candy to take home. The Candy bars were so hard you could use them to pound nails. They promptly went into the trash. My grandma used to freeze milk and then just thaw what she needed. She loved the microwave because she could quickly thaw all of her frozen stuff that had been frozen for years and 'it was a good as fresh'. No grandma, it wasn't. P's grandma had a half bag of unsalted (yuck) tortilla chips on the counter with a 'best by date of August 07". Um Grandma, it's November 4th. Plus you know they were purchased well beyond the sell by date... so those chips are in high school in freshness years.

I definitely think this is an old lady thing. Am I going to be offering flat grocery store soda, stale M & M, and have a kitchen full of rotting bananas? Frankly, I'm a little bit worried. I don't think these ladies see, hear, smell or taste the best and coupled with surviving the depression causes this I-am-offering-you-spoiled-food-syndrome.

You are now warned. Oh.. anyone want a two year old piece of caramel apple pie?

Welcome to November

I haven't been blogging because I have been incredibly tired. I just have absolutely no energy. I skipped out of the gym twice this week and again, I just don't care. I felt asleep at work today, and I don't care. I'm so, so tired and I don't think I am getting any better. I called two different GI practices today to get a 2nd opinion and they both told me that the didn't take my insurance. I told them I would pay out of pocket, but they told me they "only took patients with insurance". Feeling pretty discouraged after that. Don't really care. Just want to lay here/sleep/rest/sit quietly and not expend any energy.

Happy Halloween

I had written a whole long post, but somehow accidently deleted it. Sigh. We went to a Halloween Party last night. P was... Death or a Scary guy and I was a Pirate. Our friends made all this lovely food and it was a very nice time. Halloween has always been pretty much, hands down, my favorite holiday.

We're back

Picture 1: Berkshires in Mass
Picture 2: Quechee Gorge in Vermont
Picture 3: Hiking down to Bash Bish Falls
Picture 4: Buildings on MIT Campus
The vacation passed way, way too quickly. Yesterday we drove back from Niagara Falls. They sure are awesome. I've included a few pictures of my trip. Thankfully I'm off today to recover and I am going to hit the gym, grocery store, and of course, do laundry.

Day 6 of Vacation

I am back taking a little break after a full morning of walking around Boston. P has a dinner at MIT and I am going down to meet him at 5:15 or so and attend with him. I am so so proud of him. It's hard to say in words, but I get teared up just thinking about it.

I explored a bunch of places today. Among them, I made it over to Harvard. Wow. Words can't even justify how impressive the school is as a physical place. I disembarked from the Subway and crossed the street, which immediately put me right in the middle of Harvard Yard which was inexpressively beautiful and historic. My jaw dropped open at how impressive it was. I walked around for a bit and took some shots. It's leafy and green, manicured, and stately. Just like you imagine it to be or have seen in movies, it is exactly like that. I have been fortunate to see a lot of things in my life, and Harvard really, really impressed me. Perhaps I wasn't planning on being that impressed. I plan on going back tomorrow morning. If Harvard is posh and perfect, MIT is more like the shed in Grandpa's back yard. It's scattered about on one end of Cambridge and very uniquely styled. It reminds of the 1980's computers for some crazy, odd reason.

Since I've been in Boston the one thing I notice above all other things is the number of policeman and police cars. They are at every corner, pulling people over constantly, directing traffic at every intersection, supervising every construction project, and eating in every restaurant. I see Boston police, Cambridge police, MIT police, Harvard Police, and Traffic Enforcement Police. Is Boston a police state or what????

Day 4 of Vacation

This time is going by very quickly. I am up early (always) and P is sleeping. We are at a B & B in the Adironacks in Upstate NY. Absolutely beautiful region with outstanding fall foilage. We spent the night before last in Sackets Harbor New York, and before that in Toronto, which I had never been to, but loved.

You see some crazy stuff when you are on vacation. Crazy additons to double wides, weird houses, usual assortment of homeless people. Yesterday, in Star Lake, NY we saw a Suburban made into a hearse (not very well I might add) parked outside a little funeral home complete with curtains in the rear windows. In Toronto we saw tons of crazy stuff. A strange looking man walking around the city with just one beat up golf club. Just one. Also in Toronto - we went into this highly rated authentic restaurant in Chinatown. It was crowded and we got the last table. At this point, I will also add that we were the only Caucasians aka non chinese in the restaurant. Well, we sat and sat and finally they brought us tea and menus. Then, the ran around taking care of the other patrons, and even the couple sitting a foot from us. But for us - nothing. Not a look, not a nod. 30 minutes at least went by. I drank my tea. Finally I said to P - we're leaving. We got up and I made a beeline for the door (leaving P to deal! - yes, this was planned :) and the waiter wanted to 'take our order'. Well - were the hell were you for the last 30 minutes? P said that we couldn't get anyone to take our order and we were leaving. He had to repeat this several times. It's funny that when we went to leave and perhaps not pay our bill? that we suddenly got their attention. I hope they did plan on making us pay for the tea, either. However, I can't help but wonder that we comitted some major faus pas in the Chinese community - perhaps we were supposed to wave them down when we wanted to order? We tried! Oh well, it won't be the last time I walked out of a restaurant and it wasn't the first. Oddly enough, the last time was for the same issue in a Chinese restaurant of all places.


Well - onward to Boston today. The 5 plus hours of driving each day aren't too bad when you stop and also when you have satellite radio and great books on tape to be honest.

Fall is here

Well after the 90 degree weather we had, it finally turned cold in which it seems like overnight, and the sandals got put away for the winter. Finding socks and shoes in the mornings takes a bit more attention than sliding on sandals.

Tomorrow we start off on our big trip. We are driving out to Boston since P has an OPen House at MIT. I really haven't taken many big road trips in my life. Thus we are going to go through Toronto, 1000 islands, Adironaks, Berkshires and Niagara Falls. I am going to take the laptop since most places we stay have wireless and it is nice to check the weather and restaurants and such.

Send us good wishes for a safe trip and healthy digestive systems and I'll keep you posted.

rest of post

I have to be honest. I haven't blogged in a while because I all ever do is complain on this blog. In addition, I have felt so poorly I don't have the energy or the inclination. I had a follow up apt at my GI doc on Wednesday. He was pretty useless and said since my stomach issues had improved so much on my wheat free diet, I didn't have to come back for six months. Whatever. I had resigned the fact that i was going to have to go to Mayo clinic or something else to get some answers and some help. Well, my iron tests came back so low and my hemoglobin dropped to 10 even with the iron supplements and the deceased diarrhea that the crap (pun intended) finally hit the fan and he called me urgently. The new "plan" is to do both the upper and lower GI scope on the same day. I just had a lower last November and have had three uppers! Can't they do the CT Scan of my pancreas first? I can't believe it. He also mentioned my pancreas again where I have to eat like 100 g of fat for three days and then collect all my stool. I don't think I have celiac at all. I don't know what they are looking for, I really don't. I started worrying about cancer and all sorts of things today.

All I know is that I am taking a cross country trip in one week and I feel like hell again. I am nauseous, no desire to eat, and so weak I can't go to the gym anymore or today even get off the couch for the most part. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers that this is sorted out soon. I can't believe it is still going on and what an impact it is having on my day to day life. I am pretty down about it too because I am high energy. I like to be active, and I like to eat, both of which I cannot enjoy anymore. We were at a wedding tonight and I got sick and had to come home. I am really nauseous and I felt like vomiting. The frustration, anxiety, worry, and fear are really mounting. I'm really scared, to be honest. I want my life back.

the braces pic as promised....

Computer is working again!

The computer is working again.

I was just scanning some photos in this morning before I got to work (cleaning).
By the way - I now have a FLICKR account - if you aren't familiar with this, it is awesome! I am downloading all of our extensive collection of pictures on there (really -- if anyone cares except us).

P is away. Again. In Charleston. I was going to go with him, but work was really crazy and I had been away, I would have had to fly into Myrtle Beach, etc. So I stayed home and did housework and exercised.

Something is bothering me lately. People frequently make remarks about how much I exercise, how thin I am (I am average), and how dedicated I am. Many of these people I work with, some are family. These are usually made with a sort of rudeness and envy to them, causing me to explain, which I really, really don't need to do. Would they rather I be lazy, fat, sick and/or unhappy? Because I won't be ever again. Let's face it, many people are very very lazy and get no exercise. I'm not saying all people are lazy. I'm not even saying that people that don't exercise are lazy. Many people do not require the amount of exercise that I do to be healthy and happy. Remember, I simply LOVE exercise. I love to be active, and exercise is something I choose as a hobby (I have no children, remember?). Also please remember that even as much I like exercise, many many times I dont' feel like doing it - I'm sore (remember I have FM), I'm tired, I'm hungry, I'm running late, I'm crabby, I have things to do. The difference is that for the most part - I make myself do it anyway. I make it a priority. I would rather take a hike or work in the yard than watch TV. And that is the difference between you and I. I am not somehow better than you or you than me. I like exercise, I like lifting weights, I like the gym. If you are envious of me, than please keep it to yourself. Plus you expect to get the same results (which are average, remember) that I do. How often do you exercise? I'd like a flat stomach, but I don't do enough ab work. I know that and accept it while still trying to address that deficiency.

Let's recap the exercise for this week - I sure wasn't perfect!

Sunday - 6 mile hike w/P - 2.5 hours
Monday - walked at lunch for 30 minutes. cardio at gym - 40 min/arms/some abs weights - 45 min
Tuesday - walked at lunch 40 min
Wednesday - walked at lunch 30 min, cardio at gym - 40 min abs/legs - 45 min
Thursday - none. Two trips to hospital
Friday - walk at lunch 45 min, two trips to hospital
Saturday - gym - arms/legs/step for 1 hour, walking for 30 min & tons of cleaning

It does really hurt that others feel the need to attack me and be critical of me. I have several health problems that make exercise a necessity. It is not an option.

There I am done with my rant now. I am tired of the stares and the whsipers from people. Thanks for listening.

Oh - and if you are nice I will put up my FLICKR account so can then share in the excitement of our life in pictures.

Japanese Toilet Training for Kids (English Subtitled)

This is crazy but funny!

Updates

Just gotten lots of emails regarding various stuff so to quickly update:

1. My mom did extremely well and was able to go home the same day. She is very lucky and they got all the polyps out (24 this time) so she does not have to be cut open. I'm back from A and I have today off (shhh - dont' tell my mom). I am going to the gym for some cardio/weightlifting (haven't been since Sunday).

2. My brother in law's surgery for his Trigeminal Neuralgia went very well. In fact, he is almost off pain meds. That made me cry when I heard it. You cannot imagine the decline and significant disibility he has been through in the last three years. no one would help him. Since I found the MD and pressured him to make the apt and follow through with surgery he says I saved his life. I certainly didn't, but I will take the thanks in good karma.

3. My braces are great! It is kind of funny that my 15 year old nephew and I both have braces at the same time. I still need to post a picture. I'm not sure what they are trying to achieve however.

4. For those that asked, P does not start at MIT until January. We are going out in a month for the open house. I think we will take the Edge and drive out. Any good suggestions for stopping on the way?

Enjoy the Friday.

It's a beautfiul fall day

I'm up visitng my mum in A again. SHe is having that colon procedure/possible surgery tomorrow and I didn't want her to be alone in case of emergency. The weather is simply outstanding - we took a walk down by the river. It's sunny, light breeze and 72 degrees - the most perfect weather in the world. I ended up cutting her grass tonight too. She lives on a semi-main street and everyone goes by and stares at out (this is A, remember). It's kind of funny.

I hope all goes well tomorrow. I"ll keep you posted. Keep us in your prayers.

I"m paying for this?

my teeth don't hurt perse, but the inside of my lips and mouth are torn up despite all the wax. I'm in a bad mood and I'm not even going for a walk or anything tonight. I'll be busy pureeing broccoli instead.

I got braces! I got braces!

Well.. obviously the main topic for today is that I got braces put on. I feel like a junior high school kid. I wanted to chicken out this morning, but really looked at my teeth and jaw - and they are a mess! So I went. It took a long time- 3.5 hours, but much of that was waiting. I didn't end up getting the TPA (transpalatal appliance) because it didn't fit correctly (yeah!), but I have to go back in a month and get it after it is remade in the lab. :( I really don't have much soreness even though the wires were put in in segments. Orthodontics is very different than I had it back in 1985, that's for sure. No more metal tie wires, no one wears bite plates, colored elastic band thingies to hold your teeth to the archwire, adjustments bimonthly instead of weekly etc.

This was supposed to be posted yesterday, but my laptop at home gives me problems. Our main computer is still non operational (when the 'repairman' works 14 hours per day, is it really any suprise?).

So the braces update for today - very difficult to chew. I ate oatmeal, scrambed eggs and mashed potatoes today, and my lips over my front teeth have some good bloody sores forming. On with the wax. Oh and a bracket came loose this morning and I had to get it cemented back on. Good thing the Ortho is across the street from my office. This brings back some memories for sure - crummy ones. Let the pain begin.

Hello - Hello!

Happy September. It doesn't feel much like fall today since it is 95 degree F. School started this week in Michigan. It was always really hot the first two weeks of school, even up North. Plus we used to start the 3rd week of August. No little ones for me to send off to school - infertility manifests itself in small ways constantly that leave me sad and longing. I bought my niece and nephew some new clothes for school and so did my mom. I loved having a new outfit for the first day of school. My niece and nephew are pretty spoiled by my mom but all in all they don't get to take any trips or do anything that fun.

P is on his was back from Isle Royale despite being delayed by almost two days due to bad weather. It is an 11 hour drive. I have a meeting tonight. I'm kind of crabby because I haven't worked out in a week due to the gym being closed for cleaning and being out of town. I HAVE to get there tomorrow.

I have a job interview for a supervisor's job tomorrow. I haven't been on a job interview in almost four years. It would not be my very 1st choice, but I am going to throw my hat into the ring!

Friday, Friday

It's the last day of August! 2007 is passing by very quickly. It also is Labor Day weekend, the end of summer. School starts around here on Tuesday. I have Tuesday off as a vacation day. I'm heading North to A to visit the family and P is gone backpacking on Isle Royale. Did you know Isle Royle is America's least visited National Park?

I went out with co-workers tonight and had a blast. Margaritas - yeah! THe weather was outstanding and we spent time hanging out at an outdoor bar. AA was mobbed with people because tons of students were moving in for the start of U next week. I felt young and collegial again. My co-worker bought her new Chihuahua puppy which was just a doll and I held it for a bit. Holding a puppy is one of life's little joys.

fun game

I have been addicted to this fun game since someone told me about it:

http://www.shockwave.com/content/shuffle/sis/shuffle.swf

It's called shuffle.

http://www.shockwave.com/content/shuffle/sis/shuffle.swf

Crazy Weather

It looked like I had an earlier post called 'crummy weather' and now crazy weather. It has rained [poured heavily most days] every day since last SUnday. Things are very green and lush here for August. Funnily enough the rest of the state hasn't got much rain at all and things are very dry. There are also floods south of us in Ohio.

I have been through around eight very bad storms in my lifetime. By 'very bad' I mean the type of storm that you are forced to take cover in the basement or windowless hallway. Usually the sky turns dark, then colors like yellow & gray or green and then the winds burst through followed by hail and rain. Friday night (last night) we had one such storm. The sky went completely black at around 6:30 and I was home (not at the gym - stomach problems again) and it got darker and darker and then the rain - buckets of heavy, heavy rain and then hail. I thought I better turn on the TV (P is in SC for work) and they were warning everyone to take cover. I went to the basement and got out the lighters and candles because I was sure the power was going to go out.

I was nervous because we have one of those wrought iron gazebos on our deck with the canvas top and it was rocking back and forth - actually lifting off the ground. There was nothing I could do. After 30 or so minutes I didn't hear any more rain and there was a lot more light so I came upstairs.

A bunch of areas got hit by tornados. It was Friday rush our and parts of the freeway were closed for 3.5 hours. Thank goodness I was home safe and sound. The gazebo was okay too.

"Cause you had a bad day.....

Yes. Just like the song. There wasn't anything specifically bad, just the fact that my teeth throbbed constantly all day long and I was basically unable to chew. The worst part is that my tongue is so tender and sore. When anything foreign is in the mouth (like my spacers) it just wants to go and touch and touch it. I woke up every two hours in pain all night long. Frankly I had serious doubts about the entire course of dental action. I kept wondering what I had gotten myself into and wondering if I could just drop out of the entire process. I found this message board that deals with adults and braces/jaw surgeries. I read it and it helped a lot. It calmed me down. I think I am better off than many people because I have had braces and I do know what to expect for the most part. My mouth is already sore and I have been getting mouth ulcers and sores since I have the anemia and malabsorption which is in full swing right now. I think that is due to a Vitamin B12 deficiency. Whine whine whine. This sucks. And I feel sorry for myself and am having my own pity party.

Hi

I didn't do a whole lot today physically - I still felt pretty awful from last night.

The weather was really nice and cool. I regret I didn't walk, althought I was outside for a fair bit today.

P's friend N is spending the night. When there is at least three of us we like to play board games. We are big gamers. I am not so hot on games like Diplomacy, Risk, or with a lot of strategy where I really shine at trivia and word games. Our favorite game is called "Settlers of Catan". It is a board game that originated in Germany and won many awards there. It looks difficult but it is not. I highly recommend it. I think children as young at 9 years old would have no problem playing. You aren't going to find it at places like Wal-mart or Target, but will have to order online or buy from a Hobby shop.

Happy Friday

I can't believe it is halfway through August.

I am feeling so ill tonight. We went out to eat (really haven't been out in a month) and I stressed to the waiter that I cannot eat wheat. He checked on the soup and such, and I ordered the whitefish. Well halfway through eating it I realized it was dredged in flour. I came home and promptly have the worse "D" you can imagine. Maybe connected, maybe not. Not pleasant nonetheless.

I got my new Edge last night. It is really great. I feel pretty spoiled, but P says I deserve it. There are loads of them around here, so it is far from unique. I drove it to work today and didn't tell anyone - people can be really funny about stuff like that.

Monday I get the spacers put in for my braces and then I get braces on Sept 11th. I am very excited and also nervous about starting this part of my journey to dental normalcy.

Sunday Night

I am sitting here waiting for my two loaves of Zucchini bread to cook - one GF and one regular low sugar/low oil. Guess which looks better? I also started the washer, dishwasher, cleaned up and made my lunch and breakfast for tomorrow. On the TV a HGTV show called "Design Star" in which designers have to design this basically plain room with a set amount of $$ and time for shopping. Each designed (about 7) got $399 in $1's to spend at the 99 cent store and and 99 minutes to shop there. So far I am really enjoying it. P is gone tonight - out camping with some not frequently seen HS friends. I had a decent day today after having a stomach setback yesterday. I had a great gym workout and then met an old work colleague for lunch and then did a little shopping, came home, sat around, etc.

The funniest thing happened today. I came downstairs and opened the blinds on the patio door looking at the deck and this .......... was staring back at me with its nose pressed again the glass!







He stared at me like he wanted in for a good three minutes, then calmly trotted off the deck and under the fence, then under the deck of the next door neighbors (new - and not all at friendly). It's a woodchuck aka a groundhog. I wasn't aware that they were one and same. It was cute. Too bad it eats only plants, or I would start leaving little treats for it. So far in our urban sub we have seen skunks, racoons, groundhogs, tons of rabbits, and all the usual like squirrels.

I have a new friend. Jealous, aren't you?

Update

Everyone has asked me how I have been doing since going Wheat-free. Overall - I have been doing very well and I see a substantial improvement.

What is different?
the constant nausea is almost gone
only one episode of the big "D"
skin on my legs is not so dry and itchy
my constant stomach growling has been reduced by 80%
not hungry very much
lost 5 pounds of bloat
getting very frequent headaches

P has been very supportive - my work colleagues have not. They have tried to get me to eat "pizza - just a bite", cake, cookies, bread, chinese food, egg rolls, dumpling soup. But I love them anyway. P made me homemade french fries and he relgiously reads every label.

So everyone asks what are you eating??
Well -
Today I had:
Breakfast - 1/2 c egg beaters & 1 small piece rice flour bread (not so great)
Lunch - leftover lean grilled pork with green/yellow beans, 1/3 low sugar yogurt with GF granola and mixed berries.
Dinner - probably chicken salad, carrots and cucumbers.

I am glad I am feeling better. I'll give it another 2 months.

Crummy weather

Ugh - it is so so so humid here. Been this way since Sunday. Tons of rain too. It is 75% humidity. I miss walking at lunch and being outside.

It's crummy.

Another week begins

We had a very family orientated weekend. We went to L for P's niece's wedding. SHe is pretty young getting married - 20 and the groom is only 19, but I am happy for them and it was a lovely day. I've enclosed some pictures.

Today we met up with P's aunts (they both live far away) - his dad's sisters and some of their kids and a bunch of assorted other people and relatives of their uncles. It was nice to see them. They all are suprised at how old P has gotten (the baby of the family) and how sucessful he has become (I am proud too).

One of P's uncles was wounded in Vietnam. I really admire him and his service to our country. THe government should stop paying for people to sit around on welfare and start taking better care of our veterans (political rant over).

Anyway - we danced a fair bit and I talked a whole lot. We're back and preparing to start the week.

the good life.....

It's funny how you can get to be a so called 'snob' about things. When we moved back to MI we bought the Ford Escape from my parents which was about 3 years old and a little bit dodgy inside. Well four more years and 85,000 miles total and the vehicle is getting a bit used up. I thought about getting a few year old Saturn Vue to minimize the depreciation hit, yet get something better, but they were junk. I won't buy foreign (Mazda and Volvo don't count). Now I am looking at the Ford Edge which I loved when I tried it out. I feel guilty getting a new vehicle. Both of ours are paid off so it will be a change having a payment again.

The good life I was talking about it having a car with heated seats and leather. You get spoiled so you don't want the normal anymore. Is this such a bad thing? I guess not. I can be a 'snob' or 'fussy' about a lot of things = such as food. I despise white bread of almost any kind, cafeteria food, and the majority of chain restaurants. I pack lunches for P and I every single day. However, I do go to the much cheaper gym in here in C, but I could care less about coffee (most people I know are snobs!). I am really not snobby about clothes at all, handbags, cosmetics, (tend to buy plain things anyway, so I doesn't matter if they are not Ralph Lauren- along with the vast majority being on clearance and/or 40% off), and colored/highlighted my own hair for years. But --- since I've had professionals doing my hair (last 8 years) it looks so much better. Now I'm spoiled about that.


I grew up failry frugal. It's part of who I am. But - I do work hard My car should be okay for another few years, but that Edge is really callling to me. Plus it has satellite radio - I'm sure I will love that.

I am really having a difficult time deciding on the color. The majority of everything I own is black - the other blue. Hmmmm.

can't blog

can't blog tonight becuase you know who is home from SC and needs the computer. Our main computer is not operational at this time.

Bah!

My mum doesn't have cancer! That's a good news for today.

Much has been going on.

We had a nice weekend staying home. The weather was super nice. Saturday I felt awful, but Friday night we went to the big art fair in AA which was neat. crowded, but neat.

TO update:

Haven't heard anything re: my mum. Her MD has been on vacation, but the nurse called yesterday and asked her to call back and talk to the MD after 3:00 p.m. tomorrow. That doesn't sound so great, does it? I am quite worried and concerned.

P's niece is getting married this weekend so we are going to Ludington. It is supposed to be hot.

We have found a new infertility clinic in Chicago which seems promising. I'll keep you posted on that.

That's all that is new........... See - you didn't miss my updates, didn't you?

Hello

I have been so tired/busy/stressed/ill/preoccupied that I haven't posted. My life isn't that exciting anyway. I actually am writing this at work at lunch because it is raining out and I can't walk.

Last Thursday I hosted my ladies' group over for BUNKO. It was very enjoyable and I didn't even get stressed.

Friday my mum had her annual colonoscopy. You know my aunt has had many polyps and colon cancer twice, my other aunt has had polyps removed, and my mom has had polyps in the double and sometimes triple digits removed along with a resection. She doesn't have much colon left. Well they found more polyps. A lot more. Too many to count. Thus another resection - I don't know the outcome will be - if she will have colonic function or need a colostomy (I hate that word.). We are waiting to hear if they are malignant or benign. Until this point - they have all been benign. She is very depressed and please keep her in your prayers.

It's funny how little you have control over your body - even though you THINK you do. It's going to do whatever it wants and you are along for the caretaking and the ride. My mum eats well and exercises. It's all genetics. The crazy thing is that you are simply the combination of your four grandparents in varying amounts. You may not even have met them - but you are them. Nature is funny like that.

tubing pictures

Hellooooo

It has been really busy here. Don't I say that all the time?

Last week we took last Friday afternoon off and went to Ludington. It really is a supremely beautiful place. It was great to be outside all weekend. We walked, jetskiied, swam, went tubing and went boating. It took us 6 hours to get home due to the holiday, but honestly it was worth it. Tubing pictures to follow. Of note, Ludington waw named Michigan's most beautiful beach.

I don't have Crohn's Dx. Praise heavenly father! What do I have? No one knows, possibly chronic pancreatitis is being entertained. Anyway - I was so ill last week, I started the wheat free diet. And...... I feel great after one week. Gluten free means absolutely no contaminiation from toasters, etc. I instead cut out all wheat products. I think I am right and that I have a pre-celiac dx.

P and I have been carpooling since Thursday as the Lincoln broke down. It adds an extra 20 minutes onto my day, but it is nice to seen him as well. He is getting the car back tomorrow - I have to drop him off in the morning.

I've been unable to post because:

1. I've been gone
2. Our main computer is having difficulties
3. P took posession of my laptop for the entire evening and I didn't get to use it for even one minute.


For some reason - I can't post a title.

Happy Friday ....

Wait! It just feels like Friday because we have off tomorrow. It is very, very rare that we don't spend the holiday in L with P's family. However, we are going up there for the weekend. My test went well yesterday - won't get the results for three weeks !!! However - I was very ill tonight from the Magnesium Citrate I had to take as a prep on Sunday. I still managed to get in 15,000 steps as I didn't get sick until around an hour ago.

Did anyone catch "Extreme Makeover" last night? The girl on there had upper and lower jaw surgery - just like I"m going to have! I am watching it on TiVo tonight.

ughyucccckkkkk

Ugh. Tomorrow I have my WRE (pill camera) test. I just finished drinking a 10 oz bottle of magnesium citrate. Not recommended. If I keep this down for another hour I will be suprised. It is again like drinking salty sugary Kool Aid. I don't drink any liquids with sugar in them (no juice, soda, punch, etc). Thus I am feeling it doubly bad. Just laying here in the recliner and trying to distract myself by using the computer. I am really nauseous, dizzy and having chest palpitations.

Here is one of the pictures.
I am very tired mentally today. Dealing with my family takes a LOT of effort.

Today

Today went well. I was very nervous for some reason... perhaps my mom? It was really nice to have everyone at my awards ceremony. Two of my favorite doctors showed up, my boss, my boss's boss, two nurses, and all of my coworkers along with P, my mum, and my nephew A. I felt honored.

Pics to follow.

Good things to report.....

I have been so busy and meant to update this blog every single day, but just never found the time.

Several people have asked me for updates on what good thing happened. I didn't realize that I never said.

Good thing #1:
P fulfilled a lifelong dream and was accepted to MIT. He will entering into a graduate school program in System Design Management. The post-placement rate is outstanding as is the school's reputation. No we are not moving to Boston - although we really seriously considered it. P will work full time and spend selected amounts of time on campus (hopefully I can come with him some of those times) and be finished within 2 years. It's a very intense program and many, many apply so I am very proud of him. It means good things for us as a couple. It won't be easy, financially or timewise, but we can make it through together.

Good thing #2:
This was a big surprise. I am the recipient of the top award where I work - the "Shining Star" award. I am both surprised and humbled by this. Only 4 awards are given out among the thousands of employees each quarter. There is an awards reception tomorrow where we invite our friends/family/coworkers and give a speech. P is taking the afternoon off work and my mom is driving down. Yes you heard that correct. My mom is driving down and bringing my nephew. I didn't think she would come through and I had to juggle a bunch of stuff around. She will be on her own until tomorrow afternoon and then P will pick them up and meet me at the reception. I then am taking Thursday off because I don't want to leave them alone. We'll run around and do some crazy stuff. My stomach has been in a tizzy all day because I'm worried sick about everything. I ruin everything by getting stressed out I guess. It is nice they are coming though and I will post some pictures when I get them.

Friday night

Right now P is making me a birthday cake. It is a flourless chocolate cake that can be found at the tapas restaurant San Chez which is one of our favorites. He also is making chocolate truffles. We met some friends for Japanese food and then took a walk. It was really gorgeous out today. This week we are celebrating my birthday since things are so hectic during the week.

Everyone is asking me about my Dr. visit on Wednesday. I guess I just have a big mouth since how do all these people know about it. Ooops. Maybe because I've been cancelling lots of stuff because I've been sick. Well bad news. The GI Doc (whom I don't care for) thinks that I have Crohn's disease. Oh joy. I don't honestly believe him. I still think I have Celiac Dx. I for one am around 20 lbs too heavy to have Crohn's, I do not have blood loss, and I do not have excrutiating stomach pain as a general rule(although I did today). I will not take Prednisone, Cyclosporine or any other immunosuppressants. I.will.not. Next week, I am scheduled for a wireless capsule endoscopy. This involves swallowing a camera that is a pill. That will examine my small intestine which is the suspected source of trouble. As soon as this is over, I will start on the gluten free diet and show that doctor that I am right. Wish me luck please and keep me in your prayers.

It seems like all I ever talk about is my various illnesses. I"m so sorry. It's just such a big part of my life right now.

Somehow even with my anemia I manage to get in around 14,000 steps per day so that is a good thing.

5 years old

Crap - I'm blind. It must be the iron deficiency. There are 5 candles on that cake making this June 1978.

It's that week again.

Yes my birthday is this week. Sigh. I really don't care much for Birthdays to be honst. They are indeed better since met P. I always wait for some big 'bang' and they turn out like any other day, sometimes lousier. Anyway, I'm full of cynical goodness today. I went to my MD and had my blood drawn. Now I have no iron in my blood, before I had very little. She's suprised I manage to stay as active as I do. Anyway - the plan is to see the GI doc on Wednesday. I'll keep you posted.

Birthdays seemed so simple then.... I think it was my 6th circa 1979? I sure had great hair and damn was I cute. Check out the crazy jazzed up disco throwback pantsuit my sister has on. She has to have on the stupid outfit so I look even more cute and special on my birthday. The frightening thing is that her daughter has that exact same haircut, almost 30 years later. By the way that was not wallpaper.... it was paneling that matched the carpet.

Very nice day today.

I had a nice day today. P is out of town on a fishing trip that I bought him for Christmas. The weather was so perfect. I seem to talk about the weather a fair bit, but that is because it does impact the type of day I have or like to have. Anyway, it was 75 and sunny but not hot. Perfection. I was up really early, and worked in the yard, edging and pulling weeds. Then I cut the grass, then watered. Then I swept and cleaned the garage. THen a man came and gave us a quote on painting our house. All told I was active for around 3 hours.

Then I went out to lunch and had lemon rice soup. I did some shopping and running around after that. I then went to meet my friend and co-worker N and her family in AA for dinner. Then her and I went and saw Ocean's 13 which I thoroughly enjoyed.

My stomach was great today and it was a very nice day.

Terrible Tragedy....

You must have heard on the news about the UM Plane that crashed carrying transplant staff and transplanted organs. It hits close to home on two levels, being a organ recipient family and being a UM employee. I knew of one of the victims and they were just super nice, productive members of society that really believed in organ donation.

I'm much better than yesterday - I'm able to eat today! I also got in 14,500 steps through a variety of activies. (gym, home, walk at lunch, work).

It's been 7 years.

Happy Anniversary to me. P took me on a suprise trip to GR for the weekend. It was really nice. Too bad my stomach is a complete mess.

It's June 1st......

I can't believe it is June 1st already.

I got back from A-town yesterday afternoon. Was very ill with my usual stomach issues, so it made for a long trip. I was all relaxed and then acquired some unexpected drama/stress last night (not involving me thank goodness) so I didn't sleep very well. Ugh.

I have today off! Yeah. I am going to drag myself to the gym and then run errands. The weather is really humid here and our grass is really long. I am going to make P cut the grass this weekend if it doesn't cool off. My flowers look great! and I am really pleased with that.

Oh yeah - the big news- I'm getting braces. Why yes, I did have braces already in Junior High. They want to move around some of my teeth (the few that I have) and then possibly a lower jaw surgery (less recovery time, less pain, numbness than upper jaw), followed by a chin implant (how exciting), followed by dental implants. I had my big multi-disciplined consult last Friday with the oral surgeon, the dental fellow, the dental supervisor, two prostadontists, one orthodonist, and several dental students. I am a very popular and unique person at the dental clinic at the U. Why didn't my parents bring down there when I was 12? I was lucky to even get braces, seriously. My mum likes to remind me that it cost $2000! The dental insurance paid for half at the time. Apparently, according to my two aunts, mum and grandma who have the condition, pulling out their teeth and getting dentures in the 1940's & 1950's (isn't even an option for me due to my jaw) was good enough for them and dammit, it should be good enough for me. Kind of frustrating. My mum can't understand why I am doing all this. The lack of support from her can be difficult. But I am super excited!!

Working me to the bone

I"m at my mom's. She is working me to the bone! Nonstop action. The weather is really nice though - pleasure to be outside.

It's Lost tonight

Last summer a good amount of our grass died of some type of fungus. There are numerous very large irregular patches encompassing almost half the large backyard. It looks worse than ever since the weeds have taken residence in the dead spots. The worst part is raking out all the dead grass - it requires a lot of elbow grease and then you have a pile of dead grass and weeds to get rid of. That has to be bagged. I have worked dilligently - a little bit at a time to fill in these spots. I am making some headway. I will have to post a picture when completed. Those spots filled over a month ago are starting to fill in. Hopefully it will look better soon because it looks really, really bad. IT also has to watered twice a day.

I shouldn't have done all this. I walked at lunch, walked over to the hosptial, then went to the gym and did circuits. I am kind of whipped.

The season finale of Lost is on tonight! I so do love that show. 2 hours of Lostie goodness - can't wait. I seriously think Lost is my favorite TV Show of all time.

Hello

I meant to update earlier (not that anything that exciting is going on). Today I got my hair cut and highlighted and then my co-worker had an open house which was nice. I had some great INdian food (I am actually craving more) and then got home. I felt pretty crummy all day and then I bought six flats of flowers. I love flowers. P made T bone steaks (they were awesome) and then I worked in the yard while he read on the deck. We also took a walk. So exciting. We also had some long serious discussions about our future, money, cars, houses, home improvement.

That's my life.

There's a storm a coming......

I had big walking/yardwork plans for the evening. They are officially cancelled. Thank goodness I had a nice workout yesterday so I don't feel badly about sitting on the couch for a bit. I also missed my walk at lunch as P's brother was here in town for a medical apt and I had lunch with him. All my running around at work I still got in 12,000 steps. So that is good.

I also got a raise today - out of the blue. For all the mentoring I've been doing. That was a nice suprise.

I went to the new doctor yesterday. She has no doubt that I have Celiac Dx despite the antibody tests being negative. I was very ill all night long on Friday night and ate very little on Sat & Sun and am making up for it today. I have to see another GI doc in two weeks. I also have all these white sores in my mouth which really hurt and the MD says are signs of the dx as well. In the meantime, I have to keep eating Gluten/Wheat. I'll keep you posted.

A nice weekend

I actually have had a very nice weekend. Mother's Day can be difficult for infertiles as you may know.

On Thursday we got some very good news (no, not a pregnancy, unfortunately), but still very good. I will share at a later date.

Friday we went out to celebrate and had a wonderful, romantic date. We went to this restaurant in Plymouth called Fiamma Grill. I highly recommend it. We had wine and the baked Brie appetizer and I had walleye. I love fish and seafood and espcially Walleye. So good.

I was concerned about my mother having a Mother's Day celebration. My sister doesn't do much (this explanation could encompass entire multiple posts) and my brother in law was working. Thus I knew she would be disappointed and sad. I bullied her into driving (see earlier posts about that) halfway to meet me. She did and missed her exit (she's been going here since at least 1970. sigh.). I went and found her and then we went shopping, I took her to dinner in Frankenmuth, we stayed overnight and went to church the next day and I shipped her off home. She had a really nice time and I'm glad.

It is hot out seriously......

I finally am sitting down to watch American Idol that I TiVO'd. I like Blake best. Melinda is so boring and it is like watching a 45 year old woman sing.

It is borderline hot today. Almost too uncomfortable to be outside doing things. I really don't like it any hotter than this - 83 F. I always moan on and on about wanting to move to a hotter climate. Yeah uhhum.

An ode to work

Monday is now past us. SO very glad. Although very nice for a Monday.


I have dialogues in my head sometimes. I think only really smart people do that!

P is not home yet.(Suprise, suprise). He worked Saturday and Sunday. I will have to make him some dinner (yes - I know this isn't the 1950's, but we don't have anything already made, any fast frozen food, plus that isn't healthy and I try not to eat any processed food and he will be starving even though I packed him a lunch. Yes I know I used to be president of NOW and they would frown on that). Why yes thanks, I'm thoughtful.

I think I will make him eggs. Too bad I couldn't make the eggs now and crawl into bed but eggs aren't good warmed up. Trust me on that one.
I am going to call him up like I do EVERY night and see if he is coming home anytime today (take this literally folks) aka before Midnight.

At least I know where he is and he isn't at the bar or anything like that but out earning $$$ to pay for my dental implants. However, it's a crummy time of year to work so many hours because it is so nice out and plus I need help with some things in the yard (that scenario wouldn't take place anyway). Why yes, I do 90% of the yard work. I like yard work unless it's over 85 F. I know I'm the perfect wife, thanks!

I kind of admire him for working such long hours honestly. I did it once during my clinicals and never again.

I like giving myself a pat on the back. I should do it more often.

One more day until Friday

The week has went by very, very quickly. That is a plus.
I was concerned about yesterday. One of my co-workers is pregnant with her first child. We used to share an office and I like her a lot. The only time it was really hard on me is when she brought in the ultrasound pictures adn everyone ooed and aahed. She also insisted on showing me and explaining in detail. I excused myself to get coffee and hid in an office down the hall for 15 minutes til the commotion was over. Yesterday, my co workers had a baby shower for her. I don't do baby showers... for obvious reasons. I went to one briefly at work last year and when the gifts were being opened, became very teary. I also did not want to have any sort of 'meltdown' where I ruined her time either.

Thus I respectfully bowed out of the lunch portion, and then four separate people came and found me and told me they were waiting for me to cut the cake. I told them each time to go ahead until I was forced to sit there for 10 minutes with a fake smile on my face before I could hastily exit.

I really have attempted to examine my feelings about the entire matter. I really have to do whatever it takes to take care of myself emotionally. SOmeone accused me (incorrectly) of being jealous. I honestly am not jealous. I just feel terribly about myself and then feel very very sad and empty inside. I'm glad the day is over, I cannot lie.

The ladies group that I belong to can be a bit difficult as well. People where I live all have tons of kids, three or more. This group is very fertile. Except for yours truly. Sigh. Every meeting someone is showing with a new happy pregnancy.

I guess I can be grateful for one thing - I will be sleeping tonight.

So much to do!

It's crazy since we don't have kids so you think we wouldn't have a lot to do. Yesterday was non stop work, seriously.

I got up at 7:30 and started on laundry. I went over to a neighboring community which has more stores. I went to the bank, I bought a baby gift (that was hard for me), returned P's clothes to Kohl's and bought him smaller clothes. Ran in JcPenny and bought some sandals. Gulped down a quick lunch. Got gas in the SUV and for the lawnmower, vaccuumed and cleaned (believe me, this is a huge job) the inside of my car. Dropped off dry cleaning. Stopped at the uber busy fruit and veg market and then cleaned and cut up four quarts of strawberries. Made a shortcake. Put away all of my purchases. Dug up an entire 5 gallon bucket of dandelions from the front yard, swept the front porch, swept the deck, trimmed all the bushes, put weed killer on all the sidewalk cracks. Then P got home (he was working. again.) and forced him to come to Home Depot with me where we bought heavy junk that I couldn't lift. One of our rhododendron plants died last year (the others are blooming and look great) and I helped P plant it. We ate some pizza from Papa Murphy's and then I swiffered the kitchen floor, unloaded the dishwasher and did more laundry. I then went upstairs and put away some clothes.

I seemed to have more energy than usual yesterday. Today i cut the grass and started to reseed the huge dead spots in the backyard. I found I don't have enough energy to rake up he dead spots. I left everything out there and I came in the house. I'm tired now.

I seriously don't know people keep up with everything. I guess P is working a lot and can't help with puts more on me. Also, I"m sure my anemia makes me really tired as does the FM. I really like running errands, but down here in Metro Detroit there is so much traffic and stores etc are so busy on weekends that it isn't really very fun at all. We're supposed to play tennis this afternoon so I am going to have a bit of a rest. Still - you can't call me lazy.

The weather is awesome. 75 degrees, sunny, warm, but not hot!

OKlahoma is OK!

We got in late from OK last night. It was a nice trip, was relaxing and it was nice to see P's family and to get away. OK is a very nice place. Very quiet, very flat, not very wooded compared to MI, very windy and people are super polite which is a plus. P's aunt and uncle live in a spectactular house they built on a little lake in the countryside. They are bordered by a wheat field (very cool to see actual wheat growing) which they own and they also have their own oil well which many people in OK apparently have. It pumps away (see photo) into storage tanks and then it is trucked off to be refined. We spent a bunch of time riding the four wheeler around, being outside, visiting with family, and basically eating. They are just super nice people, very caring, very knowledgable about many things, friendly, and just the definition of hospitable. P's aunt is an outstanding cook and she not only showed me how to make a variety of Polish dishes including pierogi, kluski, and golabki - she sent a bunch home with us in coolers. P had the bright idea to put them in the checked baggage which is still missing. Thus - no polish food :( I was tired and of course ill part of the weekend, but still had a nice time. I got attached to their old farm dog named Clark. He was so sweet and smart.


There is so much to do. I worked late and went to the grocery store. I may collapse into bed. I guess I don't have to unpack my suitcase because it is still missing.

Ooops forgot to update

Well I guess it's been a few days. I admire those that update their blogs daily. My life is just not that exciting to merit a daily update.

DId you realize that today is the anniversary for the Oklahoma bombing, the Waco massacre, tomorrow is the the anniversary for the shooting at Columbine and now the shootings at Virginia Tech? I think we all may have known someone similiar to that kid at one time or another. A loner, a complete weirdo, antisocial, socially impaired, kind of scary. Someone that we joke would 'shoot up the place'. It's so sad and inappropriate that the amount of attention this entire tragedy is receiving is exactly what he wanted for himself it seems.

I got back my IgA gluten antibody blood tests and they are negative for celiac disease. Ok... so what the hell is going on with me. I have felt a bit more energetic and such this week, but today am so sleepy and fatigued I can barely keep my head. Maybe this is way you feel when you have kids and I should be grateful that I've experienced it as it seems it won't happen for me. Anyway, I still think I have celiac disease (antibodies can be negative) and I had a call from the MD personally to call her when I got in. That is a bit worrisome.

I'm off tomorrow and Monday and off to Oklahoma! My mum seemed peeved when I told her that I was taking off two entire vacation days and implied that I should spent any and all vacation time visiting her in A-town. I get 28 days a year and I assure you -- that won't happen.

Sunday and cold

It's Sunday and I definately have been going through a lot mentally (and physically) lately. I am sorry the blog is not very uplifting lately. Hopefully that will change really soon. Thus, I am going to dwell on the only good things that have happened since I updated:

- Made it to the gym for a slooow workout twice
- Made it to Target today - they now carry cosmetics from Boots which is British superdrug store that carries many of its own labels - my favorite British store and my very favorite makeup. I missed it a lot when I finally ran out. I bought $50 worth today and I highly recommend. It was a nice little bright spot in my week.
- Got the 3rd season of Entourage from Netflix. It's great. Ari and Johnny Drama really make the entire show worth watching. I also highly recommend.
- Had Sushi Friday night. I love Japanese food. (I may be actually poisoning myself, but I enjoyed it).
- Going to Oklahoma on Friday for the weekend to visit Paul's aunt and uncle that are very nice and live on their own lake. Looking forward to it. Hopefully I will get energy back and be able to fully enjoy the trip.

I'll keep you all posted on what is going on. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers for improved health, wellness and acceptance for whatever will come my way.

Does it ever get easier?

Life I mean? I am sosososososo sick of worrying about my health. Today I had follow up at the Rheumatologist for my FM. She mentioned on my last blood work I was mildly anemic. I had been reading about Celiac Disease as I had many of the symptoms. She agreed after much prompting that I should be tested. Well since I work for the helath system I can check my results online. My anemia has worsened. I also have virtually no iron in my blood definately indicating an absorption problem. I am waiting for the more disease specific tests to come back. But if I do have celiac disease that means no more wheat(or wheat gluten) ever again ever (that I can help). That will make eating anywhere but home extremely difficult, expensive, time consuming. That will mean: no pizza, no barley soup, no eggrolls, no soy sauce, no more whole grain cereal, no more pasta, no more bread, salad dressing, the list goes on. I really don't eat a lot of that stuff, but it is nice to be able to eat it when I am in the mood. Am I not already enough of a food weirdo with my no-sugar, low-refined carb diet? I guess I am just feeling a wee bit sorry for myself today. I do think I deserve to, but I agree that it serves absolutely no constructive purpose.

Do you also know the communion host has gluten in it? What in the world am I supposed to do about that? Maybe I am wrong about this and overreacting.

I'm back......

and actually feeling better. That was a pretty miserable and boring run of five days. Probably one of the worst Easter Sunday's I've had. Sick, didn't get to go out of town, no Easter Dinner, too sick to go to Mass. Sigh. I am having Easter Dinner this Sunday coming up - because I feel really cheated. I did make it into work today and then stopped at the grocery store as I have 90% of my desire for food back. I am trying to avoid working out for a few more days because I want to take it slow. I really miss it though, haven't been in two weeks.

So now I have time on my hands. P is working mega-late like normal. I am just scanning in some pictures to fool myself into thinking that I am actually making some headway on that project. They are fun to look it. I have included a timely one ---

I am trying to determine what year this was taken. I think I am around 5 or 6. We didn't get Easter Baskets, but buckets for the beach every year. Kind of weird, but then we grew up like four blocks from Lake Huron and my parents believed in useful things. Check out my sister's crazy Dorothy Hamill haircut. She had that forever. I would so love my hair to be that curly again.


Anyway - glad I'm better - couldn't imagine that happening after Friday being so awful. Thanks for the good wishes.

Sicker yet

Yesterday when I woke up I felt a little bit better. P finally got home that night and I started coughing my self sick. literally. I didn't sleep all.night.long. DUe to coughing and nausea from this stupid Hydocodone cough syrup. I started having nausea and diarrhea. I got an apt at the MD which unfortunately is over in AA. Thank goodness P drove me. I had terrible nausea the entire way. THe MD wasn't too concerned and thought it was a virus. She thought I should feel better in two days. I thought that two days ago honestly. I puked in the car (into a shopping bag I brought along just in case) which wasn't fun with a raw, sore throat.

My cough is slightly better, but why, why why did I have to get n/v/d on top of this? I sat on the couch most of the day trying not to puke. Happy Easter to me. :(

Sick ..... again - Part II

I didn't know it was possible to feel this completely and totally awful. I think I have the actual flu (not the stomach bugs that people incorrectly call flu) with the hot/cold chills, severe body aches, cough, the feeling that you got hit by a bus while at the same time having a severe hangover.The body aches are so bad I can barely get around. I made it through work yesterday and just felt progressivly worse and worse last night. I called in today and I am about 90% sure I won't make it in tomorrow. Good thing I get loads of sick time, but I still feel guilty for not going in. I guess no one else wants the flu anyway. Last week I was out with that damn cold on Wednesday and Thursday and Friday I went to see my mum. I am scheduled to be off this Friday for Good Friday as P is off. I hate missing work and rarely do so. I also missed my Dentist Consultation this morning with all three specialists and I am disappointed - I really wanted to hear the plans for my future dental work. The worst part is that I have no one to take care of me. P is in South Carolina until Thursday night.

As I said in my earlier post, I don't think I was well enough to go to A, but went anyway because I felt obligated. The crazy thing is that my mum said, "does this mean you aren't coming up for Easter"???? She expected me to drive up there again after being sick yet again which I wasn't planning on anyway. Didn't care that I was just up there this weekend. For four days. Sigh. I could barely even muster a response.

It is also really crummy when you are too sick to enjoy a sick day even a little bit.

LOST is on tonight! I most likely will be able to stay up and watch it because I will be up coughing.

sick .... again

My cold went away by Friday. Yes, well I now have another one with horrible dry coughing fits. Honestly.... haven't I had more than my share?

I'm too tired to blog as I got 4 hours of sleep last night. I'll update later when I don't feel like a old dishcloth.

Augghh.

I had just written a long post, but the computer shut off in the middle and I lost everything! How frustrating. I already feel like crap - I ended up catching up P's cold and I missed work today. Definately not my style but I woke up at 5:30 and felt like complete death. I have taken off Thursday and Friday and was planning on going up to A. I really don't feel up to it, but I will never hear the end of it from my mother if I cancel. She's been on me daily to 'come and visit her' since we left two days after Christmas. She doesn't come here but once a year because 'it is too far" and she "doesn't have anyone to take her". Even when my dad was alive, they wouldn't come down here. They don't "drive in Detroit". They would come as far as AA only when they had appointments and never even see my house. It is very frustrating and hurtful. We are going to L for Easter and not to A. She won't care that I used two vacation days, spend $90 in gas, drove 9 hours total, cancelled the games night I was scheduled to host, and missed my in laws stopping from Florida. All that she will care about is that I am not there on Easter. The last Easter I spent in A was horrible. I love my family so much, but they just don't appreciate me or listen to me. No one ever wants to do what P and I want to do or even considers our feelings or the fact that we have to drive so far, etc.

I just needed to vent. I think this should be called J's vents instead of J's blogs. It just is very hurtful that my family doesn't visit at all, any of them, no matter where we live. There is always an excuse. Always. It is just excuses after excuses and it is lame and insulting and makes me extremely angry. That's all.

I have a really bad cold. Everyone has to be nice to me now.

Oh also --- I got in my 14,000 steps on Monday!

76 degrees today!

It was 76 degrees today. It has all the makings of a really nice day. I felt energetic and to update my post yesterday, very very good physically today after Circuits yesterday.

However I spent a great deal of the day being angry and irritated. We have a new person in our office that sits two feet from me. This person has been there a week and asks few questions. This person spent a great deal of time today on Careerbuilder.com and then on Ebay. Can you believe the audacity of new person to do this being so new? Anyway - not to be a Cindy Brady but I did let our boss know. I have no desire to spend training someone like that. I also had a MD be a bit derogatory to me as well.

The third thing is that I think I have P's cold UGH! I did get a great walk at lunch today and now I am going to take another one and try and get in 14,000 steps today.

I added the flower pictures to remind me of spring! They were all taken in the UK.

Spring has Sprung

It sure is beautiful out. I wish it could be like this all year long. Warm, not hot, cool, not cold. I dragged P out for a walk with me yesterday, we went walking through some other subs and picking up 'For Sale's fliers and examining neighborhoods. We were out for over an hour (P is still pretty sick) and it was really lovely out. Unfortunately, it is still too wet and mucky to work in the yard (the backyard is a swampy mess). This spring we need to rake and reseed most of the back yard grass because a great deal of it died of some fungus last year. It looked and still looks absolutely awful. Unfortunately my wrist still isn't too great so I am kind of limited as to doing a lot of heavy lifting or raking. My tulips are coming up too.

I may drag him out for another walk today. I went to the gym and did circuits today which is really intense running from one activity to another. However, the endorphins are great and I feel really wonderful now. We'll see how I feel tomorrow.

I spoke with my mum and it is 33 degrees up in A and raining. We are always about 2-3 weeks ahead of them with Spring/Summer and behind them with Fall/Winter. She doesn't understand why I don't want to live in A. A has its good and bad points, like everyplace else. I miss being anywhere in 5 minutes, I miss the lack of traffic, wonderful summers, knowing and talking to everyone, my childhood special places, our property, the lake, and seeing family. However, there are little or no career opportunites, lack of any good shopping, a 2 1/2 drive from a city of any decent size, long cold winters, and family demands. A is great in the summer and fall, and awful in the winter which can start pretty early in the year and end fairly late. It would be a nice place to retire since it is still economical and would be a nice place to spend summers, spring and fall.

You know you are from Northern Michigan when.....

I thought this was a 'hoot' and wanted to pass it along for all those NOT from Northern Michigan and that I didn't email it to:

The only thing truly missing is some Nascar references.



Track season starts with indoor meets and the first three outdoor meets are cancelled because it's just too cold.
All the rest of the schools in the state are cancelled because of the snow or cold, but the buses are still running on time at home.
You know what radio station 1077 The Bay is all about and depend on them for weather related announcements.
Most people drive a 4-wheel drive truck.

An ice-scraper is necessary equipment for traveling anywhere September- April.
You've seen -50 temperatures more than once.
You spend your summer building deer stands.
Everyone in your school thinks that deer season should be considered a national holiday.
People sit in deer stands for hours on end in -20 weather just for the thrill of shooting a deer.

You get excited when you hear "Da Tirdy Point Buck" "Second Week of Deer Camp" and "Da Fourdy Pound Croppie" on the radio.
Everybody gets together in the spring and goes mudding.
Your hometown has more gas stations than stores in the mall(if there even is a mall).
You have more than one wild-life animal mounted in your home.
Pets are indefinitely kept outside.
You hail McDonald's as the all-mighty hangout place.
You can walk into McDonald's and know every high school-er in there.
The people in the town consider hockey players bigger heroes that football players.
Baseball players need a hat and mittens when the season starts.
Going to "Traverse CIty" or "Saginaw" is a big deal.
Shopping MUST be done out-of-town.

Your house runs on the heat of a wood stove.
You have gotten your tongue stuck on something metal.
You depend on Wal-Mart for your every need.
You feed the wild-life that lives in your yard.
You either have a cabin or stay at someone else's.
You own a snowmobile, 4-wheeler, and a jet-ski to cover all conditions.
The only "gym" there is to work out at is the one at the local high school.
They grow the girls big in your hometown.

Industrial Tech classes have more students than the art and music classes combined.
Your car is always dirty from driving on all the dirt roads.
It takes 3 hours to get to anywhere worth going.
The only thing to do on a Friday or Saturday night is to have a bonfire or rent movies with friends.
You've been out-hunted by a girl hunter.

You don't call a foot of snow falling overnight a state of emergency; you call it Wednesday.
You have combination bait, tackle and gift shops.

You drink beer brewed in Canada.
The majority of the parties you've attended in your life had one corner of the room set aside for people playing euchre.
People walk into banks wearing ski masks, and no one gets excited.
You can tell a person is a 'fudge' regardless of whether they have fudge in their possession.
Sitting for hours on a frozen lake in front of a hole in the ice is an activity you look forward to for months.

On your weekend trips on I-75, both Friday on the way out and Sunday on the way back, you're in the fast moving lane, looking across the median at the bumper-to-bumper crawl.
You're fiercely loyal about your particular make of truck.
Your wife has shot a buck.
You regularly drive on roads that have never been paved, and probably never will be.
You know every person you graduated from high school with.

You go to restaurants named after the person who is actually cooking the food.
You've helped push the vehicle of someone you've never met before out of a snowbank.
When you think of a 'pasty,' you think of something to eat, not something a stripper would wear.
You have seven right-handed gloves
You tap-tap your feet to knock of the snow before you get into your car
You're from the U.P.
You see the annual snowbird migration to the south
You put cherries in everything you eat

You wear four different-size jeans throughout the year
You can get to another town through the woods
You put plastic on your windows
You have a DUI or two
Anyone from below M-72 is from "the south"
You take your hooded parka everywhere - just in case
You have long underwear in three or more colors

You work your own hours, eat venison and fish regularly
You drive to Grand Rapids to catch a plane because it's half the price
Tourists make you late all summer but snow doesn't slow you down at all
Every restaurant menu: steak & whitefish, steak & whitefish, steak & whitefish...
You can greet every store or gas station counter person by their first name
You keep a broom in your car to clear your windows.

It's completely understandable to have an umbrella, snow shovel and swimsuit in your vehicle all on the same day.
You don't get a glass for your beer.
Da Yoopers are your wedding band.
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Northern Michigan