post partum update

I’ve had some major bouts of depression in my life. Although it is under control, it has been a cross to bear since I was 19. In the past 8 or so years it has evolved more into an anxiety disorder. Panic attacks, hours of crying, obsessing worrying thoughts. I never am sure what exactly will set me off. The really bad episodes are once or twice a year. But I deal with it quite well in my opinion. Since I have the kids I really don’t have much time for it and I don’t want to set a bad example for them. They deserve calm mom. When V was born I was watched fairly closely for PPD. I had four days of baby blues approximately a week after she was born. Just a lot of crying and emotions. I always wanted to talk care of her, there was no disinterest. I think it was mostly the result of hormones, a difficult delivery, and a rough Csection recovery. It passed. With the 2nd, it’s been more insidious. Panic attacks here and there over COMPLETE NONSENSE THINGS. An inability to concentrate, chronic worry, obsessive worry. Things that two days later, I wonder what the HELL I was thinking! I went to talk someone and they felt it was Postpartum anxiety. They gave me some benzo’s which I am reluctant to take, but I take a ¼ of one (I would not be able to function on a whole dose!) and it helps clear the chest tightness and rests my mind.

I think I’m doing really well coping with it. It is definitely hormone related because my life is good! My husband is understanding and supportive. I always have to remember that this (meaning a rough time) will pass.

Here is a picture of the little man. He wants to move so badly. He lurched that exersaucer across the kitchen floor to get to me. He thought he was pretty clever too 