Resting

P's family just came over for New Year's Eve.
It's been nice. Really nice. I'm enjoying their company.
Drama free, which I appreciate.
P made the most fabulous dinner. This am we ran to AA to Whole Foods and Zingermann's and spent more than I care to admit on dinner. He made bacon wrapped scallops, buttermilk mashed potatoes, Zingermann's mac & cheese (with cream and a pound of raw milk cheddar), salad, and flourless chocolate cake with chocolate truffles from San Chez. I ate a lot and all was good. I cleaned up and we are all hanging out in the living room.
Vi skipped a nap today. Sigh. It's 8:45 and she really needs to settle down for bed. She's been quite friendly to everyone.
Two days of vacation left. Sniff.

Some Christmas Pictures

The Christmas picture dress:


The Hartstrings Christmas outfit with matching, shirt, skirt, sweater and tights (not in picture) for a bargain price of $4.00.

again, taken with my IPhone, so not so great quality.

Tidbits

Or leftovers, the Thursday night edition, since tomorrow is Christmas Eve.
* Just gave my little babydoll a bath. I put a tiny drop of curling cream in her hair and it is curly (what there is of it!)
* It's Christmas Eve Eve. Some people say Christmas Eve Adam. I think that is lame.
* Off work for a bit. Grateful for a job with paid holidays.
* It's been an EXTREMELY STRESSFUL week. My family is quite upset we will would not be there on Christmas Day (it's a 10 hour round trip) as we wanted to spend it in our own home. We couldn't agree on when and how to get together over the holidays and they were pretty unyielding about their desires including refusing our invitations to come here. My error is not being more up front with them about everything, but still. Listening to your mom cry about it and getting nasty text messages from your sister is NOT COOL.
* The stress from all this caused diarrhea, nausea, stomach pains and anorexia. I hadn't felt great starting earlier this month, but now it is a full fledged attack. I talked to the doctor and nurse. They think I have Crohn's Disease. That is pretty upsetting.
* P went to the grocery store to buy food for tomorrow and Christmas Day. He is going to beat the crowds. I have "Best of Elmo 2" video on. I recommend it. It's really cute. At the end of the video Adam Sandler sings a song that rhymes "Elmo" and "Smellmo".
* V has some sort of post nasal drip and has been up coughing the last two nights. I'm tired. I'm ready to go to bed now to be honest.
* The potty training is not realy coming along well here. I'll post more about that later.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everyone! I am looking forward to sitting around, some gym workouts, eating, Wii, hugging, kissing, and playdoughing up my baby, and not getting dressed.

Hello!

I've been having some computer issues with my netbook. It constantly redirects me to weird sites, is slow, and has been shutting down. I'm sure there is some adware lurking in there, and I am going to have P look at it.

I baked cookies last week. It was an easy shortcut. I used the refrigerated cookie dough already broken into segments (it saved me making and rolling and cutting dough) as I am not the best baker. This morning V and I decorated cookies. She did not say a word the entire time, she was very intent and very busy. Some decor we sprinkled from the container, and some were in a large container that I let her apply with a spoon.





Someone even ate one halfway through.....



The finished product:

Recap of the week

We're back! We flew in yesterday afternoon and my child absolutely screeched and screamed when she saw us. My sister had her waiting at the door for us. (My sister made her very first appearance at our house in the almost 8 years we've lived here. Wonders never cease).

Our vacation verdict:
It was wonderful to talk to my husband.
It was wonderful to walk around most of the day.
It was wonderful to sleep in.
It was wonderful to eat Gluten Free things and not have a toddler climbing all over you, throwing food, and spilling her water.
It was wonderful to not have to worry about bedtimes. Or lunches. Or sippy cups.
It was wonderful to be romantic.
It was wonderful to have some sun.
It was wonderful to read THREE books! - Whistling Dixie in a Nor'easter by Lisa Patton (grade A-), Ill Never Be French no matter what I do Living in a Small Village in Brittany by Mark Greenside (grade B), The Almost Moon by Alice Seibold (grade C).
However, the weather was cold in Florida. Very cold. I had brought a winter hat (ugly one), winter coat, and gloves for the airport. I ended up wearing them for five of the six days we were there. I was still freezing. That was a big disappointment. It was too cold for the pool.

Our Child Being Away Verdict:
I missed her terribly. Especially the first day, and 2nd to last day. My mother sounded pretty tired when I talked to her. V sounded sooo happy whenever I heard her, so I was thrilled. I think my sister's family helped out a lot. When they had school/work I could sense the fatigue in my mother's voice. She seems fairly untraumatized, but quite clingy. I think she survived on a diet of Gerber Ravoli, applesauce, and graham crackers. My mom was obviously tired. My mom also only gave her two baths the entire week - ewwwww. But like I said, I think my mom was pretty exhausted.

Would I leave her again? Yes? But for not as long. And maybe with someone else.

Update

The "baby" - aka my child slept the entire 2.5 hour trip and woke when my mom pulled into the driveway. My sister's family came over, entertained her, read her books, fed her the "precious" ravoli and bananas along with a cookie. My mom found my nephew's old Magna Doodle which she loved and the old Fisher Price Little People schoolhouse with the magnetic letters and chalk.

When I called I could happily hear her chattering away in the background! She was too busy to talk to me.

Prayers are still appreciated :)

Thanks for listening everyone.

just did it

I just drove up and met my mother and nephew and dropped off my precious baby. It was so difficult you guys. My husband is being very supportive which I appreciate. I couldn't eat any lunch, and I had diarrhea and vomiting from the stress. Have you ever became so distressed that you became physically ill? I don't recommend doing it. I have a long history of this stuff, dating back to slumber parties when I was in grade school. It's no secret that I have an anxiety disorder.

I met them in Sam's Club and V was immediately suspicious and clingy. I went to the bathroom without her and my mom brought her in crying. That wasn't a good start. In addition, she was up a great deal of the evening with a loud, barking cough, but no fever. She coughed steadily the entire 1.5 hour drive up there. I was going to take her to urgent care there, but once walking around, she really improved. The car seat was finally installed in my mom's car and I was worried that she would bawl when I pulled away. I stopped to buy gas and my nephew called me and said she had fallen asleep right away! I was so relieved!!!

I talked briefly to my sister on the way home and she made me feel better saying that they were really looking forward to having her and would help my mom (my mom isn't well.....). I'm home bawling for a bit and missing V. It's just so strange to be without her, you know? I took half a Klonopin so hopefully that will help calm things the heck down. I know she will have fun there, my mom has lots of toys, and just bought her some new books and Elmo videos. That will help. I even caved and bought her one of those darn Pillow Pets (the knock off from Amazon that is smaller and half priced) to keep as a lovey.

Well, wish us (me) luck and I'll keep you updated. Anxiety stinks.

Advice needed

P and I have been married for 10 years this past June. We used to travel often, which has now waned somewhat. We decided to go take a 10 year anniversary trip this year. Without V. We are planning on leaving for Florida (my choice) soon. V is going to stay with my mother (my father is deceased) up North. We leave on a Sunday and return on a Saturday. (Oh and BTW - someone is house sitting for us while we are gone!) I am going to meet my mom halfway on the day before we leave and hand over V. I am extremely concerned about this transaction. We plan to have lunch and visit Sam's Club, so there is some transition. I also have to pack my mom's vehicle will all of V's stuff and install the car seat. Frankly, my stomach is in knots about it and I feel like just bawling my eyes out. When I see that little confused face pull away, I am going to lose it. I hope she doesn't cry too much. She isn't up at my mom's that much, but she does know my mom. I wish my mom could some to our house for the week, but it really is a lot for her. My mom is supposed to bring her back to our house two days before we arrive home and take her to school one of the days (I know my mom will need a break!).

I know that my mother has fun things planned, and has plenty of books, toys, and videos for her. She will have oodles of attention from my BIL and my mom's old lady friends. But I am very worried that she will feel abandoned. And scared. And alone. And miss her friends at school. I am worried about her crying the entire time (I know she can't cry for an entire week, can she?). I have been preparing her by mentioning that she is going to visit Grandma and mama and daddy will be gone for a while, but will be back before she knows it.

I really would like to bring her with us, because I like to be around her at all times and miss her terribly when we are apart. However, I know this is important to foster independence. I am looking very forward to eating a romantic meal unmolested and without wrestling a toddler. I am looking forward to having time to listen to my spouse and doing fun adult activities with him. I am looking forward to thinking about "us" and just being together.

This morning

Someone wanted to sit on the rug by the door.


Taken with my iPhone, so not high quality.

another IF post

Another infertility post. Believe me, I am not sitting around thinking about this stuff all time. I am busy enjoying my little girl! But it hits me in little ways throughout the days. Thursday when I picked up V, I saw a little boy's mother I hadn't seen in a while. She was visibly pregnant. I felt like someone punched me in the stomach. Yesterday when I picked her up, there was another mother with a child in her class that was visibly pregnant. I just resigned myself this time. I told P last week and he listened, which made me feel better. He remarked that V was the perfect age - aka the age in which most people have their 2nd kid. In fact, V is the only 1 of 2 children in her room of 12 -16 kids (it interchanges) that is an only child. The other kid's parents look overwhelmed, so I don't know if it is an infertility issue. She just doesn't have the hungry longing in her eyes.
The fact that I conceived one child does not mean that I can conceive another. Even with help. To take a "glass half full" approach - that's okay! I had my Victoria, which is an incredible gift. Still trying to come to terms.

jaw update

Last Wednesday I went to the oral surgeon for my one month follow up from my third surgery. It went well. I saw the resident that I like (and let's be honest, think is cute, but is probably 8 years younger than me), the fellow that did my 2nd surgery (and is very nice, but not as cute), and my surgeon. I was surrounded by men. My teeth and jaw make me such a unique creature of interest. (Sorry for the sidenote).

Things looked very good, despite the incision opening up twice. They were forced to just let the edges of the tissue grow together, and it has done so, quite well. I have to see the Prostodontist that is making my partial denture (my $5000 partial denture so damn it better be good), and in 3-4 more months we can "load" the implants with it. I'M SO EXCITED! I will have teeth on the bottom like 99.9% of the rest of the population.

Then my 4th surgery (aka the BIG ONE) is going to only be a one jaw surgery, on my lower jaw. It will be a Bilateral Sagital Split Osteotomy (BSSO), where my lower jaw is cut into pieces and repositioned. They are going to do a bone graft for my upper teeth spaces (that show and make me look like a jack o lantern) at that time.
That will be the first week of March.

Sad

I have to get things out of the basement. The exterminator is coming tomorrow. yes, the mice problem has intensified. I called a local charity and put some things on the porch for pickup. Among them were the baby swing (sob) and the exersaucer. They were both hand me downs and not in perfect shape. I'm sad. I have to come to terms with this. This infertility. These dysfunctional ovaries.

The changing table, bath, carseats, and stroller are still down there. Just not ready yet.

Tis' the Season

Now is the time to start thinking about Christmas presents. I am the type of person that tends to leave things to the last minute. I just can't do that anymore with Victoria being around and my husband working so much. Can I say that Amazon has been a gift from God? The last two years I've done a large Amazon order (with free super saver shipping) and that has really cut down my time running around to stores. This year we are going to Florida for our 10th Anniversary the first week of December (yikes, sans Victoria ) so anytime will be cut even less.

I don't like to spoil V with a ton of presents. Even though we were on the poor side growing up, we always had tons of presents at Christmas. Too many, really. My parents did things like A Christmas Club to save all year long.

Anyway, P's family is most likely not doing gifts this year, possibly picking names, so that will be easy. I don't really do gifts with my sister's family - I get the teens gift cards. V's teachers usually get gift cards to Target or Starbucks. My mom wants Estee Lauder Beautiful lotion/perfume. I got her started on this a few years ago, It's expensive, but luxurious and easy. I can't talk about P's gifts on here because he sometimes reads the blog. But he likes gifts :)

Vi has expressed a great deal of interest in bikes/tricycles. We were in Target and after 10 minutes I had to pull her kicking and screaming off a Radio Flyer Fold and Go Trike. It's $47 and my mother wants to get it for her. She would need a bike helmet too.

This is what I have for V so far:


Melissa and Doug Lacing Beads ~ $11 on Amazon.


Alix Barnyard Bath Toys ~$8



Fisher Price Barnyard - this costs $30 but I bought mine at Costco and it is some sort of deluxe set for $20. I'm excited about it.

I'm sure V will receive a ton of books, which is great. Used or new, we don't care!
I wish Santa would bring her a bookcase for all these books though.

Happy Halloween

Funny Conversations I've had this week

Crazy conversations I've had this week:

Scene: Vi took off her diaper, was running around and pooped on the floor (kitchen thank goodness). *Sigh*
VI: stinky (pointing at poop). Stinky.
Me: Victoria! Why didn't you tell mama that you had to go potty?
VI: I dunnnooknooowww
VI: Mama mad.
Me: No, mama is just disappointed. You have to tell mama when you have to go. Poop goes in the potty, NOT the floor.
VI: Okay mama (grins)
VI: Yes mama

Info: I'm working on a project at work and I need concentration, Usually I do not like music playing.
Me to P: I've been listening to You Tube on my Iphone at work lately.
P: What have you been listening to?
Me: Pearl Jam
P: Really?
Me: They are super great. I can't get enough of them
P: What were you doing in say... '93?
Me: I was in college.
P: And not listening to Pearl Jam
Me: no, they were popular then?
P: The '90's called. They want their music back.
Me: Maybe we could see them live. (Checks website). Oh, they haven't toured since 2006. :(
P: You're only about 20 years too late. Maybe you should get back in your time machine and go to a concert. *snickers*

Costco

We went to Costco last weekend. V loves Costco, esp the free samples and three aisles of Christmas Toys. Here she is checking things out...

I may just....

fall down and not get up one of these days. Things have been extremely chaotic.

After I had my surgery, I ended up being out for two more days. I just couldn't open my mouth enough and I had difficulty drinking and talking. Overall, I've been great though. The next week P was gone to Texas, and I was still recovering. The following week, I noticed the white bone graft showing through my gums. All the stitches had opened up! I had to drive to the ER at 8:00 at night and have my already VERY SORE gums re-stiched. I will not lie, it was painful. I did some deep breathing techniques so I didn't spazz out while the intern poked my sore swollen oral mucosa with a needle 11 times to numb up the area. He put in 8 new stiches and by the time I got home I was in pain. Today I had a follow up appointment and everything looked great. Then I noticed it opened up AGAIN! Tomorrow I have to go in and have it restitched again. Sigh.

P worked last weekend and has worked super late hours all last and this week. The cleaning woman has been out of comission. Everything is a huge, huge mess. I do the minimum every night - dishes, lunches X 3, baths, sweeping the floor, laying out the clothes. It takes forever and I don't sit down from 5:30-9:30 at night. I'm so darn tired. I can't keep up. I don't know what to do anymore. How do people with two little kids work full time and keep everything going and get to spent time with their kids? With the hours my husband works I think working one day a week less would help, but it's hard to give up the $$$. When I am at work, which I really like working, sometimes I miss V so much.

I didn't want this to be a complaint post. But wow, am I overwhelmed....

It went well

So yesterday I had my 3rd jaw surgery. This one was technically a repeat of the 2nd surgery from the beginning of July from which I had four dental implants placed and hardware removal. I lost 3 of the 4 implants afterwards, etc.

I emailed my surgeon over a week ago asking him if he was planning on removing the hardware that was protruding through my gums and informing him that I did indeed have the surgical stent in my possession. The stent was made by my prothodontist and cost me $420. They packed everything up after my 2nd surgery and told me to take it back to him, not imagining that we would need it again. It's been locked in the cabinet under my downstairs bathroom sink.

I told my husband on the drive there that I'll bet they were hunting EVERYWHERE for that splint. We got to the hospital and thankfully, I had a fellow that I really liked. He came in and told us that "they were going to take some impressions" because "I haven't had any since June". Hahahaha. I played along for a while, and then I pulled the box out of my bag and said, "Oh, did you need the surgical stent? I have it right here". You should have seen his face! We all laughed. He said he called everywhere looking for it and called me twice. I don't why he didn't leave a message. My surgeon also doesn't read his email either. He admitted that he has over 1000 unread.

The start was slllooowww. They were training a new older male nurse (that was annoying and clueless) along with the nurse I like. The assistant brought in trays and trays of equipment. The fellow put in the IV with no problem. I sat for a looonnggg time while everyone ran around. I remember them giving me a little bit of meds (probably Fentayl and Versed) and then the room started to spin. Later, I remember trying to talk and them shushing me. I don't remember waking up at all or them taking out the IV or anything.

I didn't wake up in pain like last time and feel about 1000% better than the last surgery. I've had more oozing of blood and more swelling and a LOT more stitches. I can hardly open my mouth. Of course I'm on massive doses of Clindamycin (again) for 10 days. I only took one Norco before bed last night and am managing pain with Tylenol. They wrote me off for all week but I may go back tomorrow. Trying to conserve sick time.

I'm feeling.... I don't know, hopeful again?? :)

Infertility

Victoria is growing up so quickly. People always tell you that they grow up quickly, and that is 100% correct. P and were discussing that the last vestiges of her babyhood are the diapers and the fact that she has little hair. Whenever I look at her I feel so incredibly blessed, lucky, thrilled, fortunate, grateful, happy - that I was able to have her. Even when she is pulling on me whining and crying when I am trying to do something.

P and I spoke the other night about what happens next. I so hoped that I would have gotten pregnant by now. We were never sure if going gluten free "Fixed" my infertility problems, or her conception was simply a case of the stars and moons aligning and the appearance of a miracle egg. I'm beginning to think it was the later. He asked if we wanted to get an egg donor to have another child. I said no. I don't think I can go through all that stuff again. Plus, the cash for no guarantee of a child being in your arms.

People think that because you had that child, the infertility feelings go away. They don't. They become less intense, and less hurtful, but that emptiness and inadequacy stay inside. At V's school, it seems every week I see another pregnant mother having a 2nd child. And I think - is that going to be me? I know people want to ask - when are you having a second one? And I want to yell - "I'm trying! I am so lucky to have this one". There is a lady in my sub (I don't know her that well) that has a 9 year old son and a new baby at 41. A huge surprise. She was infertile.

SO in conclusion, do we want another child? Yes. Am I willing to undergo more infertility treatments? No. How long will we keep trying? I don't know yet. I think we will both know when we reach that point. I will be 3 (cough) 8 (cough) next year so I think it is coming soon. Please pray for me to have the wisdom to know what and when to do.

So what is new with me? A lot. Just haven't had the time to write about it.
I'm drinking a gin/Diet Squirt, eating popcorn, and using the computer while P rocks V to sleep as she watches Super Why. One of the two episodes that I TiVo'd. That V loves. And that P said, "I don't think I can take anymore of this episode".

* It's FALL here. And I wore shoes to work for the first time instead of sandals. I love sandals. I dislike finding socks. And I dislike finding Victoria socks and smushing her feet into shoes. Plus, her 6's are becoming quite tight and the 7's are way too big. It's very difficult to find toddler shoes in a 6.5 to boot.
* Wednesday I am having surgery on my jaw to replace the three implants that fell out. The surgeon is going to remove the metal holding my chin bone graft to my chin bone as well since it is sticking up through my gums and frankly, becoming a bit sore.
* What is this "Yo Gabba Gabba" show? Everyone seems to be into it.
* My period was 4 days late and I was so excited! But then it arrived. Sigh. Infertility rears its ugly head every month.
* We have more and more forclosures in our neighborhood. First, the house starts looking kind of shabby. The bushes become overgrown, the grass becomes long. Then there is more and more trash appearring at the curb. Then a water department notice. Then the abandonment and the notices. It's so depressing.
* Have you been watching "Dancing with the Stars"? It seems like everyone has. The only show I've been able to catch lately is "I didn't Know I was Pregnant".
* Greg Giraldo died. I'm sad. He was so funny at the Comedy Central Roasts. I love Stand Up Comedy. The last person we saw in stand up was Doug Standhope.
*

Bye, bye Bumbo

My co-worker/friend has a 3 month old little boy. She didn't have a BUMBO and I offered her ours. When I brought it up from the basement, V was quite excited. I knew she would do something cute. She also let Elmo sit in it as well.

Terrible Twos is Right!

Since she turned two, it is like Victoria has had a "tantrum switch" turned on. She has been having frequent, tantrum-y outbursts. Last week when visiting my mother, we were in Jo-Ann's Crafts buying fall wreaths. I let her walk in the store, but she wouldn't listen, running crazy all around the store, and lying on the ground if you attempted to corral her. She received several warnings, which resulted in her being put in the large portion of the cart. She screamed and cried and bawled for over 5 minutes. Surprisingly, it didn't bother me, but it upset my mother. She finally stopped when I she realized she wouldn't get her way.

The other night at dinner, she kept throwing everything she didn't like off her plate. I warned her twice, then she got her chair pushed into the corner for a time out. More screaming and crying.

I went to a house warming party last weekend. She was overtired and crying and I tried to take her home. She laid on the floor and went so limp, I couldn't pick her up. She did the same thing when I tried to put her in the carseat, etc. I was so physically tired after wrestling with her.

Last night was the worst. She was already tired, having skipped a nap at school (another thing - why is she doing this?). P got home late and was eating dinner at 7:00 pm. I made him a waffle, omelette, turkey sausages and mushrooms. I don't like Vi around eggs, since she is allergic. When he comes home, she always wants to sit in his lap and "help" him eat his dinner. I had her clothes off and was taking her upstairs for a bath. She loves turkey sausages, so she ate most of his. She really, really needed a bath and I knew there was going to be trouble. I plucked her from his lap and she fought me. Halfway up the stairs, that silent scream came out, you know, the one with the pause while the person works up breath to get the giant one out? That came out. I corralled her in the bathroom mad and bawling. She wouldn't sit in the water. I gave her bath toys and she threw them at me. So I washed her standing up and bawling. At one point I started to sing the "Super Why" song - her latest obsession. She then hit me in the face. You read that correctly. She hit me in the face. This is the second time she's done this. I was so angry. I grabbed her face and made her look at me and informed her that this was awful behavior and she wasn't going to do it again. I then brought her downstairs where she stopped crying.

It seems like she has a great deal of anger when she receives punishment. Is this normal? It seems like I am living with two little girls - one sweet, charming, and snugly, and other, a crying, bratty terror.

Good shopping and "Me" day

Vi and I have been on vacation visiting my family for the Holiday while Daddy is backpacking. I decided to take the last day of my vacation as a "ME" day since I so seldom have them. I woke up early (sigh) but read the news and blogs in bed on my Netbook. Vi woke up and I got her dressed and fed and dropped her off at school. There was no hurry, so I sat and visited with the other little kids which was really, really fun. Surprisingly there were no tears when I left (P and I both have had bawling on drop off lately).

I went directly to the gym and had a fabulous workout. I did intervals on the elliptical and some light weight machines. After that, I left and bought a gigantic Diet Coke with ice from McDonalds. On a whim I decided to cruise over to AA and go to their kids' resale shop (much nicer and larger than the one in my town) and possibly visit Whole Foods after that for some Gluten Free goodies.

The resale shop was quite busy and I ended up spending $76. I was really looking for some Halloween costumes, but they mostly had infants left. The goods: a Gymboree Christmas Oufit $12, a pair of Gap brown cords and matching sweater $12, a pair of Gap jeans - $6.50, a Gymboree sweater - $4.50, a pair of pink snowpants - $8, a pair of New Merrel pink toddler snow boots (new with tags - $5!), and the most beautiful pink winter coat with a furry hood from the Children's Place, new with tags for $8.50.

After that I ran over to Whole Foods and picked up some good cheese, GF bread ($8- CRAZY), snacks, etc. Then I drove home super quickly, shoveled down lunch, took a quick shower and ran to get my hair cut and highlighted. While there, I read THREE magazines UNMOLESTED which was very nice. I picked up my child and had a nice evening with her.

It was great and I highly recommend.

the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

I'm not even sure what to say. this is going to be rambly-esque post.

It's been busy.

The crap:
P was in Philly for work. He got home. He experienced a bad cold. He was crabby and feeling crappy to boot.
It was stiflingly hot and humid.
I lost yet another implant. I'm 1 for 4 right now.
My BSSO surgery was delayed by two months to January (okay, this is both good and bad as January is better than November)
Don't know if I want to invest more $$ in my teeth.
V has been laying on the floor an awful lot in protest. This is very hard on the parents' backs.
P's back is bad from lifting laundry as he had major problems for a week (see above).
V picked up P's glasses and broke the earpiece clean off with a snap. She wasn't the least bit sorry either.
Horrible hair days
Got my period after five days late. Was starting to play "what if" which is can be a heartbreaking game for infertiles. I was sure is was going to be a boy too.
Having dilemnna whether to sell all the baby stuff or not. Letting it go will be difficult to let go of V's babyhood and accept that she will be my only baby. However, maybe I'll have one of those haha moments where I got rid of stuff and now I'm pregnant!
2nd molars trying to erupt. Enough said.

The fun stuff:
I'm finished with my 3rd course of antibiotics! Yeah!
I took V to a new playstructure with swings twice this week after work. We had so much fun! She swang and swang and I had to basically drag her home. We need a swingset of our very own. I have spent so much time looking for a decent swingset for under $300. Craigslist, (don't want to dissassemble and carry away), ToysRus, Amazon, Walmart, etc. We haven't wanted to shell out $500 for the same ones in all the yards, but I really think she would use it. P and I finally agreed that he would get her one next spring FOR SURE.
What Halloween costume to get for V? This is fun part of parenting. She is still at the age where she has no say in what she gets to wear, and I get to indulge in whatever I can find a good deal on and that is cute! I am leaning towards Abby Cadabby from Sesame Street. I would like to try and make it but I am so sewing challenged.
The oral surgeon is not charging me for my 2nd "corrective" surgery!!!
P booked a 10th Anniversary Trip for us in December.
Labor Day is coming up - going to visit family up North (V and I are) for a long weekend.
Gymboree coupon for 20% off + gift card = :)
Been eating some great Gluten Free Bread this week from Celiac Specialities. texture is weird, but taste is great!

Talky Talky

V has always seemed quite verbal. Lately she has been talking and chattering nonstop. She also been speaking in longer sentences. Tonight we got home (we were gone for the weekend) and she deliberately poured water all over the floor and received a time out. I crouched down by her to tell her what she did wrong. She grinned at me and said, "Yes mama, I sorry". The other night when she saw something on a Baby Einstein video she said: "That baby is sleeping". Tonight when we saw the neighbors' cat she said "Hi Crash the cat".

I was excited :)

The jaw saga continues

On Sunday, P had a work picnic. On the drive there, my tongue found a swollen spot over one of my implants which I examined in the mirror. It was a swollen bump obscuring the implant. The implant also was flopping around in the socket. Uh, oh I thought. That is what happened with the last one prior to coming out. On Monday I called the Oral surgery resident and he never got back with me. I convinced myself it was getting better on Tuesday. On Wednesday, I stopped by the clinic, but they couldn't see me. Thursday I called again and recieved an appointment for 3:30 pm. They took me in late which could be a problem since with traffic and exiting the parking garage I am an hour's drive from picking up V. Of course, the took me in late. My surgeon was in surgery and I saw yet another new fellow, completely new to my case.

He limped in on crutches, took a tweezer like instrument out, and plucked the implant out of my gum. It was fairly painless, but I heard the crunch of bone as it came out. While the last implant failure was painless and bloodless, this was bloody.Very bloody. I bit down on gauze to reduce the bleeding. THe fellow announced that he was going to irrigate the wound. Last time this was simple. This time, he found so much infection and necrotic tissue that he had to debride it. He scraped out the area right down to the bone. That too was relatively painless. But it smelled. And it tasted bad. And I could feel the tool scraping against the bone. THen I got dry heaves and starting vomiting.

The fellow felt that he should page my surgeon. That was in surgery. That was a bit worrisome. I was the lucky recipient of YET another course of antibiotics this time a double - Flagyl and Clindamycin. Then I went home.

I was devastated. I don't know what is going to happen next.

What I want to remember

Oh Victoria, as you approach two years old, there are so many things I want to remember about you right now:

*You will climb up in my lap, touch my face with your finger, and announce "Mama".
*You like to point at everyone in the room and learn their names, then receite them - "Mama, Daddy, Marlene, Grandma"
*You ignore me when I come to pick you up at school. You will run off and play with the stroller, or hide in the bathroom. I"m not sure why you do this, and it hurts mama's feelings, but you do it almost every day.
*While you leave school, you have to pause my your old rooms, have me lift you up, and wave. You become angry if I do not do this and show your displeasure by scowling and whining.
*You concentrate so hard on taking off and on your sandals.
*You put on Daddy's socks, even demanding them while he is still wearing them, pull them up to the knee, then parade around saying "cute". It's even cuter if you are naked.....
*You will bring your little bowl into the kitchen and say "more crackers" and then ask for "more cheese". You always ask for more cheese and rarely get it because you eat way to much of it.
*When I take you out of a shopping cart or stroller, you will wiggle with excitement when you can run off and explore.
*You think you should eat your way through supermarkets. I end up opening packages before I pay for them to keep you happy.
*How excited you are to watch "Elmo" which is your word for TV. You will stand up close to in in your excitement, like you want to climb in the TV and live with Elmo. How when the library DVD's of Elmo freeze up, you announce "broken".
*Your interest in books has waned from its obsessive to liking.
*Your hair or lack of it. You are so tall, yet resemble a baby with your amount of hair. People can become quite confused about your age.
*You like to throw everything that isn't nailed down in your little baby pool.
*You tap keys on my computer to try and make it work.
*The fun we have bouncing on the exercise ball. How you jump on mama whenever I try to use it to exercise and laugh and laugh because it is play time.
*Everything is lotion to you. Chapstick, containers of mustard, tubes of any liquid. You apply it all over you in such a serious manner. It is frankly so adorable.
*You all scrunched up in your crib under your afghan.
*the softness of the little hair that you do have.
*that you are becoming such a big girl, and no longer a baby.

dental implant woes

Last night after four doses of Flagyl, I thought my implants and jaw looked better and less swollen. It turns out, the implant started to migrate upwards out of the socket drilled in pure bone and protrude through my gums. I phoned the fellow on call and on the way to the ER, it fell out. He irrigated the hole in the bone and sent me home. I searched the literature and I cannot find one SINGLE case of this happening. There are many cases of implants failing (about 10%), usually they become loose and and have to be removed. Never have I heard of the implant working its way out of the bone in this manner. Two of the three remaining implants are loose, and we are watching them carefully. The crazy thing is that this was completely painless.


I'm just so disappointed.

tidbits

*V is crabby today and broke out in red, angry eczema spots. Last weekend she boycotted naps both days. Momma was so very tired.
*My infection has not cleared up. The good news is that it is NOT in the bone. The bad news is that I am taking another antibiotic, Flagyl. It makes me feel - ugh. I have nausea, and diarrhea and stomach pains. Skipped lunch. I NEVER MISS FOOD OPPORTUNITIES!
*P worked soooo many hours this week. But he came home "earlier" on Thursday night so I could play BUNKO with my lady friends. It was nice to get out. I hadn't played in over three months.
*This Tuesday is Primary Day in Michigan. If I receive just one more candidate (prerecorded garbage) phone call, I am going to become extemely angry. Back in my campaigning days, we would call this Saturday "the Blitz" and be up all night "getting the message out".
* Speaking of annoyances, I am a fan of celebrity gossip (I'd a holdover from when I lived in the UK), but even I have reached my tolerance for the Chelsea Clinton Wedding and Lindsay Lohan's jail sentence.
*Next weekend I am doing a mexican themed ELMO dominated picnic at home for Victoria. I don't do that well entertaining, so wish me luck!

Cute baby dancing

Here is my baby dancing. Her school had an open house on Saturday. It was Hawaiian themed.

(for bargain hunters: I got the dress at a Mom's sale with the hat for $2. It's from Janie and Jack). The sandals are Gymboree and I bought them new with tags for $10.

the infected one

It's no secret I've been having issues with my last jaw surgery.
I started having increased swelling on Friday. The skin around my implants had formed into blood bubbles and pussy yellow bubbles. I called the clinic AGAIN around 9:30 am and the resident on call was supposed to call me back. It got be almost 11:30 with no return call and and I called back and told the receptionist that I needed to be seen TODAY because I had an infection. THey told me to come at 12:30 pm. Ha! Success.

My surgeon was on vacation. The fellow handling my case was at a conference. The 1st year residents did agree that I have an infection Whether it was superficial or in the bone was yet to be determined. Since I have a bunch of metal in my face, that means that the chin plate and hardware from my previous surgery could also be causing the infection. They took another X-ray and just weren't sure. At least there were two cute younger guys fawning over me, right? Another fellow came in and said definitely an infection and diagnosed Peri-implantitis. If you have read anything about this on the internet, it is isn't pretty.

They were going to re-cut the flap and irrigate the area, then re-sew it. Great. Instead, since it was draining, they decided to try and pull off some of the pus (with a syringe) to culture. Thankfully, he put numbing cream on the area, and I didn't feel a thing. He wasn't able to pull off any pus. I got sent home on antibiotic mouth rinse (burns like crazy) and massive doses of Clindamycin - 4 pills a day. Clindamycin also kills off the good bacteria in your gut, so I've been trying to pop some probiotics whenever I get the chance. Strangely, the pain isn't bad at all.

Wednesday I see the oral surgeon and they are going to decide if they want to remove everything. Pray, pray that I heal. I really cannot shell out another $4300 to get these implants replaced. I paid out of pocket last time. All I want is some teeth on the bottom so I can bite into things, like say, normal people?

Important Dates this week.

This is a week filled with many dates. For instance, today, July 23, my father has been deceased for 7 years. I miss him terribly and wish he was here for one more conversation. Not only was he a great father, he was my friend.

Monday July 19th would be my parents 41st wedding anniversary.
Tuesday July 20th, 1990 was the date my father received his kidney transplant. He had it for 14 years until his death seven years ago. This year would mark the 20th anniversary of someone losing their loved one this week. So I think about them too. I really have meant to write a letter to Gift of Life for the donor family, but it keeps slipping my mind.

Victoria was originally due on July 20th. But of course, we all know how that worked out. :)

Picture Post

I had V's 2 year pictures taken today. It went better than usual. Now I can get the proofs online. Here is a sampling:












As you can tell, the barette made its way out of her hair eventually. We bought the white dress on clearance at the store and it ended up working great!

Caught up

I am sick of my mouth and my mouth pain. So I am going to talk about something else.

Because Victoria was delayed in fine and gross motor skills slightly, she qualified for Early On Services through the State of Michigan. Because she was mildly impaired, the nurse would come and meet with us every 3 or 6 months or so, make recommendations, give us pamphlets, and help us set goals for her to meet. Cognitively she was always ahead. (Yeah, baby!)

The Early On nurse we had we just loved. She of course left, and we finally got her follow up visit scheduled. Last night the nurse showed up at 5:30 and was at the house until almost 8:00 (Yikes! I was tired, starving and in pain when she left). The FABULOUS news is that they discharged V from their services. A child has to be at least 20% delayed or have a significant medical condition or other needs to stay in the program. The last time I think they stretched it out a bit to have her qualify, but now she is right on target. They test above and below targeted age. V was super cooperative, polite, and a great listener the entire time. She usually distrusts strangers, but the nurse got on the floor with her little box of stuff and Vi went right up to her. She sorted blocks by color, sorted shapes, put together a puzzle, found hidden blocks, identified pictures, all with ease. The skills she could not perform (some were older than her age - like 34 months) is jumping ( a 24 month skill), stringing beads on a string, imitating a command (ex: act out how mommy washes the dishes). Cognitively she ahead - 28-32 months, but gross motor skills are probably her weakest area.

I am going to have to think up of these little games and puzzles, because she really enjoyed them.

I was concerned about her being such a late crawler (10.5 months) and a later walker (14.5 months), but thankfully, she is fine now :) Praise God.

Post Surgery Update

Friday evening I had a repeat of the previous evenings. My pain was not controlled, I wasn't sleeping, and I felt horrible. I "hit the wall" so to speak. I called the junior resident on call at the hospital (what is the difference between the chief resident, junior resident, fellow, etc?) and he was very nice. He said that while pain is minimal for this type of surgery, people heal at different rates. He would gladly call something else in for me, but since the Ibuprofen seemed to be working, take 400 mg every four hours. That is what I have been doing. I cried and cried. I was exhausted and pain is really wearing on you. It's not like I got to rest much either.

Saturday night I was fed up. I took my Ibuprofen at 10:00 PM. I decided after further thought and research to take Klonopin (i hadn't taken Norco for almost 24 hours). I took half a dose. I slept from 11:30 to 9:45 am! P let me sleep in. That was great! My pain was better on Sunday. It was about a 25% improvement. I'll take it!

I tried the same thing last night. I woke up at 4:30 am in pain. I'm going to go into work early. Wish me luck on working today. The business might distract me from pain, but it's a lot for ne talk and be there all day when I don't feel well.

It is 3 am. On the dot.

And I am awake once again. Due to pain. and just like Wednesday a.m., Vi is up crying. Again. I didn't realize two nights could be so similiar. My pain has been bad. I called yesterday and talked to the resident on call. They said to take Norco 2 - 325 mg tablets every six hours and alternate 400 mg Motrin in between. The pain goes away completely for around 1-2 hours at a time, but by 5 1/2 is is back full force. Lots of throbbing and pain when I open my mouth. I'm terrified it won't go away. Even thought it is less than 48 hours after surgery. I'm a catastrophizier (sp). I'm already worrying the implant is impinging on a nerve, when I don't have any of the lip numbness or anything else indicitive of this. I guess I'm just healing.

When I called, they seemed surprised by how much pain I'm having with this surgery. Leave it to me to be different. I'ld just like to get some sleep, thanks. Despite being home yesterday, I didn't nap and received under six hours of sleep the last two nights.

I just made some instant mashed potatoes and I made them too hot, so I am drinking a Boost and going to try to lay down again. Vi stopped crying. Thank goodness.

Surviving Post Surgery

I am hanging in there. Much less swelling, but much, much more pain. Lots of pain. Think about gettng kicked in the teeth and super sore cheek muscles. Don't forget the pulsing itchy (weird I know) pain in my lower jaw.

I had four screw implants placed in my lower center jaw. The three screws sticking up through my skin were removed. Also apparently the bone ridge (which was augmentened at my last surgery), was too high, so that had to be lowered by grinding it away with a drill burr. Everything was stitched up neatly with black thread instead of white thread.

Other than the pain, things went much smoother than the last time. We woke up V early and dropped her off at school at 7:10, about an hour earlier than usual. She was surprisingly good natured, but cried to stay with us when we dropped her off. We got there and P was able to come back with me for a bit. The resident started the IV, went over the procedure, and had me sign consent. The nurse set up the EKG and oxygen. They are all ready to get started and the resident says, "oh you aren't pregnant, aren't you? When was your last period?" Uhmm try 25 days ago. I was hoping that I was pregnant. So I had to go pee in a cup. Of course it was negative.

I don't remember that much, but I do remember waking up during the surgery. That can happen with conscious sedation, but despite having it 8 times in the past, that has never happened. I remember them telling me to open my mouth, and that is the extent of it. When I woke up of course they tried to rush me out (are you seeing a pattern here?). I kept telling them I was thirsty and they ignored me. I told them I was having pain and they told me to take Ibuprofen when I got home. Gee, thanks. I made Paul stop at the hospital coffee kiosk and buy me a Diet Coke which I started sipping right away. We ended up getting home around 12:00. He dropped my med prescriptions off and picked me some soup and mashed potatoes form the coney island. I took some of Norco (it was stronger) from my earlier surgery and fell fitfully asleep for a few hours.

The pain came back with a vengence around 4:30 so I took Ibuprofen then. At 6:30 I was still in a lot of pain so I took a dose of the liquid Norco. At 9:30 it is really bad again, so I took one of the oral Norcos. It's dulled somewhat, but not gone. The weirdest things hurt after surgery, like my cheeks (apparently they told my husband I have such a small mouth that they really had to streeeecchhh it open. I feel it now. My upper teeth (which were not touched) are THROBBING. Everything got jarred around.

I am going to sleep in bed tonight instead of in the recliner. That's a plus!

Happy 4th of July

We spent the long weekend on the West side of the State with P's family. Here is Victoria swinging at Mears State Park this morning.



There were both good and bad things about the weekend:
Good - the beautiful beach at the Lake Michigan/Bass Lake outlet
Bad - the super hot weather
Good - the traffic and journey were surprisingly stress free
Bad - P's relative that we stayed with has no air conditioning, keeps the windows closed, and had a tiny fan. We roasted.
Good - V loved playing in the water
Bad - multiple, multiple applications of sunscreens. I'm sunscreened out.
Good - when I took V out this morning and we played at the McDonald's playplace in the air conditioning and had a super fun time
Bad- people clearly ignoring the "NO DOGS" sign at the beach and letting their dogs crap in the water right near where my daughter was playing.
Good - three day weekend!
Bad- mosquito bites
Good - warm white sand
Bad - not sleeping due to the heat and being woken up early by P's relative
Good - watching P swish V back and forth in the water and watching her laugh
Bad - P getting overheated after baking in the sun at the parade.
Good - P looks pretty good with a tan

All in all it was good weekend.

Friday Night Leftovers

*It's 4th of July weekend. A three day weekend. That coupled with my second jaw surgery on Wednesday means I'm probably only working one day next week.

*Victoria is currently obsessed with ELMO videos. "Elmo's Potty Time" and "Elmo's Shapes and Colors". The first is from the library and the second I bought. I can't stop singing "accidents happen" and "It's hip to be a Square". I feel vaguely guilty letting her watch TV, but it's for less than an hour a day.

* I have a cute 4th of July dress for Victoria. She's worn it before and I cannot find it now. When it is the actual 4th of July. Where the heck did it go?

*We have a gigantic rabbit problem in our neighborhood. When we first moved in it was cute, but now they are EVERYWHERE. I can't plant a lot of flowers because they eat them all. Even things they are not supposed to "like" such as marigolds. They ate all the marigolds and petunias this year. I tried putting this "CritterRid" stuff down and it worked for the tulips, but not on anything else. Our backyard is fenced and they just dig under the fence.

*Gymboree was having a huge sale and I scored V some very cute outfits (She really didn't need them...) for around $8. Coupled that with free shipping and a discount code I found online and I cleaned up.

Ugh

It seems like when you have a bad day, it is a extremely crappy one. Does one bad thing attract other bad things, or is that one bad thing put you in a hypersensitive realm for another minorly bad thing and blow them out of proportion? I had my performance review at work and I received the highest rating, however, the goals/narrative for this upcoming year sort of well, hurt my feelings/were brutally honest. Then I job that I had interviewed for, and really wanted, and was told I was the top candidate for, I received an email saying "I wasnt' a good fit at this time". Okkkkaaayy then. So someone more qualifed than me beat me out. I can accept that. The job was re-posted later that day. So they just didn't want ME. I can't figure that out. To top it off, the cottage we rented kept a very large part of our very large security deposit because of the way "we left the cottage". Okay then...... Fantastic.

1:45 hours left to this day - a MONDAY - that may be the reason, and I am done with it.

A new start is always good.

Vacation Post

We went up to Northern Michigan for a week's house rental on the water. It's something we've done several times before in various locations in Northern Michigan. Usually it is a nice house right on Lake Michigan, or in this case, an Inland Lake. It was nice to be outside and off work. If you think Michigan is just Detroit (which we all know is yucky), you are missing out on incredible beauty.


Victoria playing with toys the minute we got there.


Someone fell asleep with their Life preserver on.


Petting the animals outside the Black Star Farms Winery. (A huge hit!)


In front of Lake Michigan at Leelanau State Park. V loves to throw stones in the water (or anything in the water for that matter).


Giant Michigan strawberry that looks like a heart. Fresh local strawberries are amazing. They are so juicy and sweet, nothing like what is found in grocery stores even those can be good too.


Inside of the house view.

Target Trip

Many people in blogworld like to talk about the deals they find at Target. I do too. Today I had an unplanned trip because V was back at school for the first time in two weeks and I was informed that Tuesdays and Fridays are "water days". The kids need a bunch of water paraphanalia and get to play outside with water. Fine, great. Vi has two swimsuits, both getting too small. Target had adorable swimsuits, but with the way she burns I was looking for a surfer wetsuit type of shirt. Nothing in a 2T or really any size except 12M & 5T. Tis the season. I bought her some slightly large water shoes = $8, water diapers = $9 - $1 coupon plus free shades, more sunscreen- Aveeno - $7, regular diapers - $20 (I stopped buying the Target brand for school, they got too saggy), applesauce for school - $2, $8 - ELMO shapes video, $2 puffs, $4 worth of Ravolis to keep in the car for emergencies, $2.50 shirt to wear over swimsuit. The only thing I bought for myself was a 24 pack of Diet Coke. !!

I also looked at all the clearance, but the most I found was 50% off. I'm looking for more!

Tidbits

I have to write a post about V's illnesses because it was such a frightening ordeal and I need to remember what happened.

After all the hectic craziness, we are on vacation this week. At a cottage. In Northern Michigan. Don't get any crazy ideas, because someone is watching our house!

We drove up to my hometown on Saturday. It went very well. Vi sang and hung out and we stopped an hour in to eat lunch. I chose something quick - Wendy's because my gluten-challenged self could get a baked potato and chili there. I ate a few of V's fries because, hey, fries are good and I have never had issues with gluten contamination in fryers before. Well, this time I had searing, sharp, esophageal pain. IT was the worst! I couldn't swallow without pain. I'm pretty sure it was due to Gluten contamination. I paid for my poor decision big time.

Anyway - V slept the rest of the way there. That was super! P and I listened to a book on tape - "The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid" by Bill Bryson. We *Love Bill Bryson.

My nepnew (my original baby!) had his graduation party on Sunday. V had fallen asleep and we woke her up after 2.5 hours to go. I cooked and prepared food all morning to help my mom; P took V down to the lake on a super gorgeous day :( It was also my birthday. The party was loud, and hot and crowded. Vi cried and fussed the entire time, especially when people got in her face (which was all the time). I didn't even get to eat. We left at 4:30 and drove to our cottage for 3 hours. V whined a great deal of the time. All the stress of the past week got to me and I cried for a bit. Plus it was my birthday and it wasn't a very fun day.

So today was our first day at the cottage. Being in a new enviroment with a toddler is a lot of work. Someone has to watch her at ALL TIMES. SHe is out of sorts and cranky. It is so difficult to get them to sleep this time of year, because it is light out so late! But it is great to be outside and doing something different.

My poor baby #2

Vi has gotten v sick. She has pneumococcal pneumonia. Yes, the one she received 4 vaccines for prior to age 2. In the past three days, she's been to the pediatrician, the ER, the Urgent Care, the hospital, two pharmacies, had an X-ray, an IV, blood draw, a fever of 103, and explosive diarrhea from the antibiotic. My poor little baby. Still not feeling so great. Worried about her.

FSH Results

I haven't talked too much about what is going on with the infertility stuff.

When I last saw my OBGYN he said we could check my Day 3 FSH. I went and had it checked and was quite pleased by the results - 11.5!!! Normal range for luteal phase at my lab is 1-12. In the past I've had results from 18- 48, which are very bad for those that want pregnancy. Anything elevated indicates the possibility of POF or premature ovarian failure in which your body is trying way too hard to ovulate, and usually failing to do so.

The husband has been pretty "happy" that this is been a low FSH month and is definately reaping the benefits. Yesterday V and I walked to the mailbox and I had a copy of the lab results (I work where I get my blood draw - I can see my results) saying that my numbers were "too elevated" and I should go see the RE. Gee, thanks jerk!!! He promised he would call me and 'discuss' the results, and possibly manage a few cycles of clomid from his office so that I DIDN"T have to go see the RE, which I despise doing. I feel hurt and cheated. Here's yet ANOTHER doc that say my results are "too complex" and has written me off like SO MANY OTHERS.

I feel like a big fat failure because my body won't do what it is supposed to and every one else seems to get pregnant so easily.

Thanks. I need to vent. I know I am totally lucky to have my V and all the fabulous things in my life.

My little baby

Friday when I picked V up from school, she was crying and her eyes were red and swollen half way shut and she was crying and rubbing them. Poor baby. School wasn't doing anything, even though she was in obvious pain. I took her home and put her in the bath, then rinsed her eyes with a bottle. She bawled and bawled. I thought maybe she got sunscreen in her eyes? She seemed better. Today she woke up puffy and with very red eyes. She was whiny and sad. My mom was here visiting and we ran around most of the day. V woke up from her nap early and her eyes looked atrocious. THe rest her face was swollen and red too.

We ened up taking her to Urgent Care and there was no wait! Yay! To make a long story short, she had a severe allergic reaction to something. Her skin was all blotchy once we got examined and the doctor (during which she screamed, bawled, and clung to my mother), she was found to also have an ear infection. She was started on Prednisone (For 9 days!) and Zithromycin. Tonight she also got Bendryl. She looked better IMMEDIATELY after the Prednisone. I can't belive how quickly. The bad part is that she CANNOT go in the sun from 10-6 every single day for 9 days. Sigh. That is going to be hard with school, and hard next week when we are going to a graduation party.

At least my baby is better.

Hiking

We went hiking last weekend before it became hot and buggy out. We had a nice time.




She really liked playing on the gate on the way into the park for some crazy reason.

sigh.

This week has been terrible. Horrible. Awful. Crappy.

I did not get a role I really wanted at work. Upset, hurt, and trying to recover and move on.
I miss my desk by the window. My new cube has no light.
Someone at work put a big dent in my car door. It looks bad. My husband is mad.
At work we currently have - 1. No drinking water, 2. No paper (yes, no paper for printing), 3. And no computers for part of this morning.
I can't figure out how to work my new phone
I had to let our cleaning lady go. She wasn't doing a good job. I hate conflict. I can never be in management.
I lost my engagement ring. Somewhere in our house. My most prized physical possession.
I finally told my husband. He was upset I didn't tell him earlier.
The ring may or may not be stolen. A police report may be filed.
My husband spent a hard earned bonus buying me this ring. It was so important to me.
I am a scatterbrain and careless and I lose things and forget things.
Vi had some stomach and behavior issues which resulted on me cleaning up hard feces balls from the floor three separate times.
I got my period.
My mother is barraging me with what to do on Memorial Day. She wants to come down and bring my niece.

All of this resulted in me taking Tranquillizers twice this week in an effort to stay sane and make the terrible hurt in my stomach go away.

I am alive

I have been very absent from my blog lately and I miss you bloggy folks!
May has been a whole lot of crazy.
I was in New York for 4 days for work. I went to work for two days, packed up all my stuff to move office buildings and quickly submitted my reports. Then I turned around and drove four hours to my hometown for a week before returning to work for two days and unpacking all my stuff. All while transitioning into a different role in the office. It's already the middle of May and I'm wondering what happened?

* I saw the OBGyn. He didn't have a lot of hope for me. We're going to measure my Day 3 FSH level (I hate that test with a fire of a 1000 suns) and see what the level is. (Additional note: I can tell you now - high). The last time I had FSH measured it was 48 and 18. He didn't recommend any more IVF. I totally agree from a cost standpoint and mental anguish standpoint. After that, he may try a cycle of Clomid just "for the heck of it".

* New York was hectic, hectic. P came with me which made it more fun. V stayed at our house with my MIL. She had a good time but was so clingy and whiny when we got back, it was clear that she missed us and that we are banished from ever leaving her again. When I was preparing for my trip to my mom's she acted so revolting that I think she thought she was getting left again. She kicked the suitcases and tried to unpack them. P said that she is accustomed to Daddy coming and going, but Mama is always there.

* Back to New York. It really stinks to be a city with so much food and not be able to eat the vast majority of it. It's a mourning for a life with normal eating. We went to Katz's Deli (crazy busy, tons of line cutting and rudeness) with the best pickles I've ever eaten and fantastic pastrami. We also went to a place called Lusardi's on the Upper West Side where I can a veal dish wrapped in Prosciuto that was amazing and drank red wine. That meal exceeded my per diem for the day, I can tell you that.

*The weather up North at my hometown was positively revolting. It was severe thunderstorms the entire drive up; raining so hard I couldn't hear the radio. The next day it was freezing and snowed three inches. Mother's Day was okay and the following Monday was freezing and rainy. Seriously, I wait until May for a vacation up there and it is worst WEATHER EVER. I've had enough!

* I took V for a 90 minute walk/stroller ride on one of the warmer days around town. I know every street, each house, etc. It's so sad to see so many abandoned businesses, vacant storefronts, people without jobs. My old neighborhood has houses with peeling paint, old trucks parked between the curb and the lawns, sagging porches, chewed up lawns. There is a saying that you can never go home again and that is true. It's been 17 years since I lived there full time and It isn't the same. But there is such a comfort being there. I walked past my old elementary school which is now devoid of children and walked the same way home - back when kids walked home from school. It brought back many memories and I felt 8 years old again.

* Oh did I tell you I got to read two books in New York? Two real books without interruptions and they were for adults! I read "The Glass Castle" by Jeannette Walls - loved it, but wanted to shake those parents silly. I also read "A Change in Altitude" by Anita Shreve. I liked the expatirated part of it.

Visiting Grandma

rotten

This week is turning out pretty rotten for a number of reasons, among them being that P has worked every night until 10:00 pm plus all day Sunday. Yesterday we had a phone call on the answering machine from the fraud department of our bank. Apparently some one used our card, and that is card in the physical sense at a Walmart for $200 in Bloomington, IN and OfficeMax for $175. It's all under investigation, but the card was terminated. New cards on are on the way, should be here UPS on Friday. They will require a signature. P is in Chicago and I work all day. WE NEED THE CARDS BECAUSE WE ARE GOING TO NEW YORK ON SUNDAY. We have our debit cards at least.

Serious, I would like a refund on my week; thank you very much.

V stories

I've had so many things I want to blog about lately. P has been working insane hours again and it is all I can do every night to keep the place from falling down by doing the minimum. Victoria has been funny lately though. Some of the adorable things she has done:

* I gave her a piece of bread to eat with peanut butter (her ped recommended it) and jelly. I cut it in half and put it on her plate. She was so sad I cut it in half and tried to fit the two pieces together again like a puzzle. It was adorable. She ended up eating it though.

* One day last week I took her across to the central mailbox to get the mail (our sub isn't all posh or anything, so don't get that idea :). She kept pulling on my hand in a direction we don't normally go and repeating something over and over. Finally, I noticed she spotted the two ducks that hang out eating from bird feeders in the sub. What she was saying was "quack, quack ducks" over and over. We went over and looked at them and she would lean back on her haunches and move closer and closer until they flew away. This week's obsession is with a neighbor's bunny statue that she thinks is a real bunny.

* She loves it when I say the names of all the kids in her class and seem so surprised - "how does mommy know that"? Then she says "hi ____", "Hi ___" and I do the ones she doesn't. It is her favorite new game.

* The other night in the bath I told her "I love you" and she said "I love you" back. I cried. It was a beautiful moment.

* We are done with the High Chair. I bought her a booster that fits on a kitchen seat and she is so much happier at mealtimes.

* The amount of talking she does lately is stunning! All those months I spent talking to her nonstop are paying off. She "tries" out words and will repeat what you say. The most frequent things she likes to say are "no, mommy", "sleepy baby", "baby bear", "elmo", "no way!", "I need", "flower".

* She knows all the animal names- horse, pig, sheep, cow, dog, cat, bird, goat and the sounds they make. She also knows the colors blue, red, purple, black.

Finally

I finally broke down and made an OBGYN appointment. I want to get my FSH levels tested and see what they are. I've tried to reduce the amount of inflammation in my body per my Rheumatologist. He suggested - 5 teabags a day of decaffinated Green Tea, Fish Oil capsules, and continue my iron and Vitamin D. He said if my arthritis symptoms and Sjogren's symptoms become worse that he would start me on Plaquenil. And that would mean no pregnancy. I also have been using this free application for my Iphone that helps you calculate your "fertile" days (if I have any, ha ha), your cycle data, and your intercourse numbers. TMI, but we need to have more intercourse. P has been traveling so much lately, and I've been so tired, that we need to step it up a notch (I'm sure he doesn't mind). I don't think I could get him to do anymore infertility treatments; certainly not IVF, maybe a cycle of Clomid (useless in the past- but at least it is something).

I'll keep you updated. Mrs. Spock has a fabulous post about infertility today.

Friday Night Leftovers

* Yehaw! It's Friday. Tomorrow I have BIG plans. I am going to hit my organization's Mom to Mom sale and then go shopping. For myself. For clothes. For me only. My MIL and GMIL in law are here on the way North from Florida. Thus, the extra help.
* My husband has been in Maryland for two days and did a one day trip to Boston. His fligth home tonight has been delayed by 2 hours. SO much for not seeing him for three days.
* Vi loves to play the "Sleepy Baby" Game. You cover her up with a blanket and sing sleepy baby. And she goes nuts. Really.
* I may be in for a change at work. And this may be good.
* I went to the Prosthodontist today. My implant surgery is scheduled for July 7th. It's outpatient/conscious sedation. Awesome. Oh.. and it's going to be $4000 out of pocket.
* I've had a strange craving for Coconut Cream Pie.

We had quite a nice Easter weekend. My family was upset that I didn't come and visit, but a 9 hour round trip in traffic with a toddler that doesn't like to sit was just too much for me (and my ears!).

Friday Vi's school was closed and P had the day off. I did not but decided to use a vacation day :) Since the weather was forecast to be warm, we went to the Toledo Zoo, about 50 minutes' drive. I had heard really good things about the zoo, and the Detroit Zoo was not as nice as it used to be due to mismanagement (pretty much like the rest of the city). Appartently other people had the same idea, because it was a 30 minute wait to turn into the parking lot. We unloaded and hit the exhibits. We saw the polar bear, the wolves (sleeping), the gorillas (V's favorite), the penguins (V attempted to throw her hat in, but we caught it just in time), elephants, meerkats, rhinos, giraffes (a baby giraffe), orangatangs, turtles. It really is a nice little zoo. P would lift V out of the stoller and carry her up close to the exhibits, and I would follow with the stoller. It worked out very well, and V was quite excited!

On Saturday we cleaned the house and P;s brother, girlfriend and his two teenage children had offered to come over for the Holiday. I also went to the gym that morning (score). P made a nice dinner - ham, mashed garlic potatoes, salad and I made deviled eggs. I wanted cheesecake for dessert, but P made fried Snickers bars.

Sunday the company was still here and I took V and I to 8:30 mass (no one else would go with us) It was very crowded. V was pretty well behaved. She sat nicely and ate her Cheerios until the beginning of the Homily. Then I let her walk around next to the pew, where she cried "no, mama". I took her out and let her run around the vestibule which she went nuts over, because it is SO FUN to run around in a church entry way! She kept walking by the church nursery door and wanting to go in, it was empty for the early mass. Finally I went in and she was delighted to play with the toys and I could hear mass via the speaker. Right before communion we went back to our seats and she kicked up a fuss. I took our stuff and carried her up to communion. She cried and fussed and tried to sit down. I took the wine (the host has gluten) and we left.

When we got home we gave V her basket. We have a great video of her tossing the toys and books, etc and going STRAIGHT for the candy. She has developed a taste for candy, despite us rarely giving her any at all. She loved jellybeans and when I wouldn't unwrap a mini-Hershey bar for her, she took it to all the adults to try and get someone to open it for her. The egg hunt (12 eggs) was a great success. I led her to the eggs and she eagerly picked it up and started looking for the next one.


All in all it was a good weekend.