Day 4 post surgery

And I am happy to say I"m improving!!!

My main challenges are feeling crummy from the Norco (pain meds) and getting enough to eat. Because I can open my mouth a few mm's, I have to eat using a tube attached to a syringe that I put in the side of my cheek by my mouth. The hardest part is getting the food pureed enough so that it will suck up into the syringe and be discharged easily. Sucking the food up into the syringe is a herculean effort. It hurts the muscles in my chin and neck so much. The best thing I had was mashed potatoes pureed with whole milk. Plus, it needs to be done frequently, because the syringe only holds 2 oz. Needless to say, having an 8 oz cup of soup takes 30 minutes. I've been drinking Boost too for a calorie bang, but I find that a little big too sweet on its own. I bought some Stage 2 sweet potatoes in the baby food aisle yesterday, going to try them later as they are fairly watery.

On the painkiller front I took 1/2 the Norco yesterday at 4:00 a.m., 2:00 p.m., and 9:00 p.m. Today I've just taken liquid ibuprofen so far. The Norco makes me so sleepy and lethargic. I hate it so much. Hopefully I will be off it by Tuesday, and then I can drive. Although turning my neck when it is so swollen is a barrier to that as well.

My mom is here and she is taking care of Vi. Vi woke up early today with a terrible cough and soaked to the skin with pee pee. I tried these 12 hour overnight Pampers last night and there were a big fail.

Info

*THe bandage stays on for 7 days.
*The clinic nurse said that the swelling would peak tomorrow most likely. I"m glad because my lip is so closed to splitting, it's barely hanging on.
*I can open my mouth a little bit farther today.
*I have a hard time talking. It doesn't stop me from trying.....
*I'm feeling hungry for the first time in a few days. Food is starting to sound good now.
*The nausea is a lot, lot better. It was crummy when I was taking more Norco. I cut it back a bit. I'm good at self-medicating.
*My forehead has a huge goose egg on it. Where did that come from? I emailed my surgeon and he said it was where the breathing tube was taped down and that is is highly unusual. I'm not making it up and it's sore.

*I slept in the recliner the last two nights to help with the swelling. It actually wasn't too bad, except for the very loud wind chimes outside (yes, they were mine). I miss my husband.

* It takes a lot of work to ingest food. Everything must be pureed finely, sucked up in a 2 0z syringe with a tube, the tube arranged in my mouth away from all the stiches and then contents released. Today I had lots of water, almost an entire Boost, 1 c of lemon rice soup, 1/2 squash soup, and a 1 c yogurt smoothie. This took almost constant eating to ingest.

*I miss cuddling with my VI so, so much. I can't be close to her or she woudl wallpe me with her head or hurt me in some way. SHe's pretty confused by it all, just wants to sit with mama and why isn't mama talking to her???

*Have movies to watch, stuff to read. Not interested except for getting on Facebook once and a while. That's it.

me

My ordeal

Monday I was to report to the hospital at 5:45 a.m. for a 7:30 a.m. surgery time. P had to wake up V, put her in the carseat with a blanket and drive me 25 minutes away. He dropped me off because we had no one to take care of Vi and I was then on my own. Bad idea. I was in a open surgery area which frankly, was a violation of HIPPA policy because I knew everyone's business being prepped for surgery. Everyone else had people with them and I began to cry. I could tell the other people waiting felt sorry for me too. All the other patients waiting had their IV's and stuff and I had no nurse or nothing. Finally, the Anesthesiologist Fellow came over and was super duper nice. The the Anesthesiologist showed up - this little Indian man, and he was a total jerk!! He tried to start my IV and wouldn't listen to my info about my IV's and gave me a huge hematoma on the 1st try. Then a nurse, and the fellow, and the OR nurse, and the Oral surgery Fellow all showed up as he was trying again. I got hot and cold and started majorly dry heaving. He just get on putting the IV in and someone stuck a alcohol swab under my nose and kept yelling at me to sniff it while I was busy dry heaving. I felt so alone and I was so damn scared. I never saw my surgeon at all and it would have helped, because I really like himn. The Anesthesiology Fellow came back and said he would give me something for nausea and to relax and I remember nothing after that.

WHen I woke up like at 1:30 I immediately felt very drugged and dizzy and my head felt thick and nauseous. It was a very different feeling than when I underwent twilight anesthesia all those times. The nurse started in saying "I kept waiting for you to wake up, I've been waiting a long time". I immediately grunted for my husband and she said no. I asked again and she said no, not in my condition. Everyone else had family back there. I conked out again and she kept trying to get me to sit up. I was so dizzy and sick and I asked her to please help me. She became all snotty and said "I just gave you medication in your IV. I am helping you> THe medication makes you dizzier. Aren't you ready to go home?" Finally P came back and agreed that this nurse was totally whacko!! She basically sat me up while I was dry heaving and could not stand up, pushed my clothes on me, and pushed me out the door. I was dizzy the entire way home and needed pain meds bad. P left me in the chair while he ran to Rite Aid and then made me a smoothie so I had something on my stomach. All last night, I've fought nausea off and on. I know it is the pain med Norco. I called the nurse today and she said she would talk to the fellow and have him call me in some liquid Tylenol with Codeine. I called the Pharmacy and they had nothing. I ended up taking half a dose which helped the pain and didn't make me as nauseous.

Great clinical care, don't you think? This happens to be the same institution where I work and I am mentally composing some letters.

I'm home.

I'm alive. Im home. It has been a very traumatic day. I'm settling in the recliner for the night. Hospitals, general anesthesia, mean nurses, and nausea are now officially banned from my life

The upcoming surgery

Today I went to Meijer's and bought things for the liquid diet that has been foisted upon me. I bought Boost, protein powder, yogurt, soy milk, bananas & peanut butter (for smoothies), frozen mango, frozen cherries and blueberries, pudding, refried beans, soup, chicken broth, and low sugar juice. I plan to have a lot of smoothies and soup.

My surgeon called me the other night. He is young (and good looking). He has four children (wouldn't you have four children with him? Trust me, you would). The important thing of course is that he is very well regarded and kind. There are no straws because it pulls on the incisional area, and no chewing anything for two weeks and only very pureed foods for six weeks. No chewing + no wheat makes for an eating challenge, don't you think? Anyway, the clinic is supposed to give me a big syringe with a tube to suck my food up in. That will be fun, I'm sure.

I've went from extreme anxiety in the last few weeks to a little bit of excitement. And I so hope everything goes well. THis is not the biggest surgery I will have, so this is the test. This goes badly = no more surgeries for me!

My morning

Hello, my name is Victoria and today my mommy took me to the Library. There is a very nice and new library in our town with a great kid's room. Reading is my very favorite thing to do, I love to read and read books. I played with the puzzles they had and was pretty excited about it:




Then we played with the puppet show and picked out books. My mama found similiar books to my favorite book Baby Bear, Baby Bear, What do you See? called Polar Bear, Polar Bear, What do you Hear? and Brown Bear, Brown Bear, WHat do you see?. We also explored all the aisles and I got to walk around and touch things and explore. I also tore around the library and tried to get mama to chase me when she was checking out, but instead she became mad because her arms were full and I was running all over creation. I laid on the floor to let her know I didn't like holding hands or being picked up.

We left because I got hungry and then kept laying on the floor. But it was fun.

Mama sure wishes I would grow some hair because people constantly think I'm a boy. My Grandma says that mama has a lot of nerve because she didn't have any hair until she was three.

Envy or I don't know what to call it

It's no secret that I'd love another baby. I understand that my child being born is pretty much the immaculate conception and I am beyond thrilled for that. ut recently P's niece has announced that she is pregnant. P's niece has been married for two years, is 21 years old, has a part-time job, severe pain issues, no college degree (either does her husband), cannot handle money responsibly, and is now pregnant. They are very young and immature and rely on her mom for everything.

And now she is pregnant. On purpose. And I can't help it, but I'm jealous. My husband was not sympathetic and actually made me feel ashamed for feeling the way I feel. But only you, the infertile blog friends understand. Wanting something so badly and not being able to get it stinks. Not being able to plan your family stinks. Watching other women get pregnant with ease and abandon stinks.

I know I am so lucky and why should I feel badly at all? Victoria healed my heart, but there are still scars that remain. The feelings that go along with infertility don't suddenly disappear as soon as you become pregnant. I feel kind of bad that I am even having these feelings, sort of guilty.

Evening

Our evenings have been so hectic lately. P has been working really late (like 10:00 p.m.), I have to make three different lunches, three different dinners, load the dishwasher, try and do laundry, pick up after V, lay out her clothes for the next day, clean up her messes, find pajamas, baths, oh.. and eat. And of course I want to spend as much quality time with her as possible, usually we spend that reading many books together. She was helping me today by pulling out all the baking spices and moving them to the middle of the floor for me. Wasn't that helpful? She found the baking soda and would not give it up. She surprised me by not dumping it all over the floor for mama to clean up. I grabbed these pics on my cell phone (it's hard to get a good pictures of her these days as she never stops moving).

The potty

Victoria has become shall I say -- regular? I bought her this potty last weekend,




it was on clearance at Walmart. I could care less about the songs it plays when peepee and poopoo are placed in the receptacle, but I like the fact you can use it freestanding and also put the seat on an adult toilet. (I'm not usually a fan of Wal-Mart, but I was there, long story). I put in the bathroom and she wanted nothing to do with it. I took the seat off and put it on the adult toilet. She started getting in her position to 'go' and I put her on the toilet. Nothing. I gave her four mini M&M's for sitting on it.

Just as I am typing this, she crawled under the kitchen table and did her business. I guess I'm a little early.