It's no secret that I'd love another baby. I understand that my child being born is pretty much the immaculate conception and I am beyond thrilled for that. ut recently P's niece has announced that she is pregnant. P's niece has been married for two years, is 21 years old, has a part-time job, severe pain issues, no college degree (either does her husband), cannot handle money responsibly, and is now pregnant. They are very young and immature and rely on her mom for everything.
And now she is pregnant. On purpose. And I can't help it, but I'm jealous. My husband was not sympathetic and actually made me feel ashamed for feeling the way I feel. But only you, the infertile blog friends understand. Wanting something so badly and not being able to get it stinks. Not being able to plan your family stinks. Watching other women get pregnant with ease and abandon stinks.
I know I am so lucky and why should I feel badly at all? Victoria healed my heart, but there are still scars that remain. The feelings that go along with infertility don't suddenly disappear as soon as you become pregnant. I feel kind of bad that I am even having these feelings, sort of guilty.