It's big, It's 28 weeks and

It's my belly.

Start of Third Trimester

This pregnancy "thing" is certainly moving along quickly. I still can't believe that in a few months, I will have a child of our very own. It's just unbelievable. I'm sometimes afraid - afraid to enjoy being pregnant, afraid to enjoy being happy about the impending birth, afraid to buy things for the baby like a crib, to pick out a name, to have a shower, afraid to be too attached already. I think that may be common amongst the infertiles. I did buy some great bedding this weekend at the Pottery Barn Outlet - already marked down + another 40% off. Although I absolutely loved the crib bumper pad, I constantly read about how dangerous they are, so I did not purchase which saved me a lot of $$$. I did sort of a mix/match theme on what was available there and ended up with a purple/lilac quilt, white/lt green bedskirt, green/lilac/purple sheet, purple/lilac sham, green cribsheet, lt green curtains and a white/garden themed tulip bedspread for the spare bed. I think it will go well with some of the mobiles/stuff from Beatrix Potter that I bought in the UK and have never used. Thus I need to get a curtain rod, crib, crib mattress, changing table, nightlight, lamp, changing pad. It seems like a lot of nurseries have those letters to spell out names to hang on the wall and I would like to pick them up at a craft store and paint them myself. I wanted a rug and lamp from Pottery Barn Outlet, but they didn't have anything I wanted at a good price. Thus - I am going up North for Memorial Day and will try to stop there then. P thought the bedding was kind of plain, but I did want something plain (no three foot snoopy for me). I'll see how it goes.

I've had a big of a rough day today. I went to the gym this morning and did my usual cardio on the Cyber ArcTrainer (but more slowly), then did some leg machines and some arm machines. I felt fine when I got home and did a bunch of stuff. Then I got tired and started getting a great deal of pressure on my cervix and straight down from my belly button along with a bunch of cramping. I also had pains across my back. It feels like the baby is upright and kicking my cervix; like her foot is going to kick down into my vagina. The baby had been moving around like crazy. I rested for 1 hour or so and then I became restless so I got up and suddenly felt better and had a burst of energy. Made a few trips to the basement for laundry, made two batches of Teff chocolate chip gluten free cookies, made an omlette and homemade potatoes for dinner, edamme and cut up a melon for tomorrow. THen I got really really tired and more pain. I definately overdid it and it scared me. There is so much to do all the time. People said to let things go, but it is really difficult. Especially the cooking part - I can't just eat a lot of convenience foods and junk. I can't just grab a sandwich for lunch like normal people. I have to have "something mad". It is annoying and frustrating.

I am debating whether to ring the doctor tomorrow. Better safe than sorry, right?

Missing my dad

I have been suprisingly nauseous and dizzy and no appetiate the last few days. I came home early from work yesterday afternoon and tried to rest. Had a spell later this morning too but better now.

I hadn't talked to my mom in a week because she took a trip with a friend to Puerta Vallarta Mexico. I am so proud of her! She doesn't travel well (like her offspring) and hasn't flown anywhere in like 17 years. I tried to prepare her for the 'differences' in travel now; the liquids ban, no food on planes, taking off shoes at security, the cramped flights, etc. Her luggage got lost for a few days and she rolled with the punches, did well and wants to go back next year. She went to the all-inclusive resort Riu and just loved it. With my dad being ill so much, we didn't do a lot of traveling outside the area. Apparently, at dinner her friend started crying and said that on his deathbed to my mom's friend- please take N on a trip, to Mexico. I don't know where that came from - he never talked about Mexico. Well, my mom's friend tried to get her to go for 5 years now and finally they went. I don't know how she kept it secret for so long.

It's unreal that my father has been gone from this earth for almost five years. Do you ever stop missing someone that died? Not a day goes by that I don't think of him. In the terrible swirling grief compounded with our international move one doesn't think you will ever feel better or the hurt will stop or it will ever go away. There is peace in knowing he is in a better place- there is no suffering there and he is with Jesus. The acute, painful hurt has softened over time, replaced by a happy hug of memories. He was one of my best friends, I liked him so much as a person and admired him so much. He wasn't perfect (he had some annoying habits - one was the desire for the lack of spices in his food) and there is always that tendency to make someone to be a hero after their death. I miss spending time with him and talking to him on the phone, hearing about his day and his crazy jokes. We spent a lot of time together, perhaps because he was retired at an early age due to illness, and later on A (his grandson) and I was so grateful for that. I only wish everyone had a dad like mine. I guess with the upcoming bundle of joy I realize he won't be here on earth to see the child, but will have to see her from Heaven.