Victoria is growing up so quickly. People always tell you that they grow up quickly, and that is 100% correct. P and were discussing that the last vestiges of her babyhood are the diapers and the fact that she has little hair. Whenever I look at her I feel so incredibly blessed, lucky, thrilled, fortunate, grateful, happy - that I was able to have her. Even when she is pulling on me whining and crying when I am trying to do something.
P and I spoke the other night about what happens next. I so hoped that I would have gotten pregnant by now. We were never sure if going gluten free "Fixed" my infertility problems, or her conception was simply a case of the stars and moons aligning and the appearance of a miracle egg. I'm beginning to think it was the later. He asked if we wanted to get an egg donor to have another child. I said no. I don't think I can go through all that stuff again. Plus, the cash for no guarantee of a child being in your arms.
People think that because you had that child, the infertility feelings go away. They don't. They become less intense, and less hurtful, but that emptiness and inadequacy stay inside. At V's school, it seems every week I see another pregnant mother having a 2nd child. And I think - is that going to be me? I know people want to ask - when are you having a second one? And I want to yell - "I'm trying! I am so lucky to have this one". There is a lady in my sub (I don't know her that well) that has a 9 year old son and a new baby at 41. A huge surprise. She was infertile.
SO in conclusion, do we want another child? Yes. Am I willing to undergo more infertility treatments? No. How long will we keep trying? I don't know yet. I think we will both know when we reach that point. I will be 3 (cough) 8 (cough) next year so I think it is coming soon. Please pray for me to have the wisdom to know what and when to do.