Tuesday, March 9, 2010

I cried yesterday

I cried yesterday. I cried for a wonderful woman I know that I had a miscarriage and had finally achieved pregnancy, only to miscarry at 14 weeks. Just after she started telling people. She has the same condition I have, the premature menopause. I cried for all of us infertiles; past and present tense. All of the trials and tribulations, the losses and heartbreaks, the feelings of failure, the dreams unfulfilled, the empty arms. I emailed her to tell her that she was in my thoughts and prayers since I heard about both the pregnancy and miscarriage secondhand. And you know what she said back? - "you give me hope". I lost it then.

It's strange even though I have my miraculous blessing, the infertility feelings are muted, but not gone. I'm experiencing a great deal of longing for another child since we have been trying again for some time. Infertility is so strange like that. You see a pregnant woman and it hits you like a rock. Someone else has difficulty and you totally sort through your feelings and feel a strong bond and empathy. No one really understands except you, my fellow infertiles. And I'm so grateful for your friendship.


Searching for Serenity said...

As terrible as IF is, I believe it's made me a better person. I'm more compassionate and more willing to consider the other side of the story.

We cry because we understand. We cry for those still trying, waiting, struggling.

I find so much hope in this community. Most of the blogs that I have been reading for almost 2 years have ended (begun) with a baby. (This is a topic of an upcoming post I'm working on.) That, my friend, gives me hope for those still out there.

Cheers to you for reaching out. I still struggle with how I should reach out to the friends I know or presume are walking the same path.

motherhoodnotrealized said...

It is a long and tedious struggle to get to move on from IF in one form or another. THese feelings are natural and just don't disappear!

I thought you had PCOS as well as the high FSH?

MrsSpock said...

So sad. Even now, after having a child, I get teary-eyed now and then.