what day is it anyway?

It seems like August should be over, but yet it is August 28th. Next week school starts and fall is beginning! I love fall and it is by far my very favorite season. To update, things are a little better for us. The tranquilizers helped. the main thing is that my mom showed up! There was a lot of to-do regarding people being able to bring her partway or halfway etc and we were too tapped to pick her up. She borrowed a navigation system and drove down the entire way without getting lost. We were extremely proud of her and I think she was proud of herself.

So she showed up shortly before noon on Monday. Vi and I were not dressed and waiting out on the front lawn for her when she pulled up just like the calvary. She gave me emotional support, got to visit with her granddaughter, got me driving, got me eating, got me out, and most importantly -- stayed up all three nights with Vi!!! P and I slept. I feel almost human today. My mom also let me know what a wonderful miracle baby we had and how good she is. She brought a ton of presents for the babe and did almost all of her feedings. I will never forget her showing up when we needed her.

Physically I am doing better. My stomach is still bad - diarrhea and I am not eating much. My incision hurts more in the morning for some reason, but is much much better.

Vi gained an entire pound and now weighs 7 lbs, 13 oz. She had an exam yesterday as part of a research study and was found to be neurologically right on target!

Daddy's home.....

It is so so great to have P home. The baby basically never his arms today. He was a great help. I drove today to Target and bought diapers and formula and it was very taxing. It was my first drive and it did indeed feel good to get out. My incision is sore (not painful) and I wanted to stay up and watch a movie tonight with P. He is so loving and great with Vi and I am so so pleased. He also was very good today to me as I had a big situation blow up with a family member. I don't think I am ready to blog about it yet..... but it full of hurt so please pray for healing and peace. It really came at a bad time when I am just struggling with the PPD and keeping happy. Vi is cuter than ever.

Baby Blues strikes its evil head

I haven't written because I have been insanely busy as well as teary. It's been kind of a tough week. Monday I became 'teary'. Tuesday I was weepy. Wednesday I cried in several episodes, thankfully not all day. My mother in law came Tuesday and I had her do the late feedings (9:30, 12:30 a.m.) and went to bed by 9:00. Vi was kind of cranky so we didn't get much sleep. Plus I developed terrible diarrhea that I was kind of concerned about. I spent the day on the phone crying - talking to the OB nurse, then my psychiatrist. I am still on an SSRI ( I took during the pregnancy) and started taking a small of a benzodiapine prescribed to me prior to the pregnancy for panic attacks. Hopefully this helps. I slept well last night which certainly helped. I am reaching out for help and trying to find it.

Depression/Anxiety really stink and have difficult for me for years. This was a concern even prior to the pregnancy. Thankfully, it seems different that the past episodes, less long term crying (4+ hours), still wanting to take care and enjoy taking care of Vi, less feelings of hopeless.

I've never written about my depressions before. I keep them under good control in my everyday life, but something out of the norm happens, it tends to rear its ugly head.


I so want to get through this to get into a routine for my family and take good care of Vi and P.

today was a rough day because of one thing - crying. The baby was excellent - she slept most of the day yesterday and tomorrow and even slept last night. She's pure sunshine and joy. I spend the morning working on the computer, had a shower, and then the waterworks started. I had three episodes of crying today and managed to get it under control when my company showed up. P's brother and his girlfriend came down - he went to the "Masters of Metal" concert with both brothers. His girlfriend kept me company which was nice. I felt a few crying prompts, but am much better in I am trying to wean off the Oxycodone as well as I think it is causing me problems. I only took two pills today - the 2nd becuase of pain. I think P going out of town (v. important trip planned around 07/20 due date), until Thursday night is difficult. It makes me cry.


I feel like a failure - lfirst (half) day alone and I lost it. Pray for me!

Okay I guess it is due to VI.....

She decided between 3:30 and 5:30 that she did not want to sleep and actually cried and fussed a lot which she really hasn't done. I tried everything and then she started smacking her lips and rooting at 5:30 so fed her again and she inhaled a 3 oz bottle. She still wouldn't sleep and at 7:oo I was able to lay down for a few hours and P got up at nine and took over. I semi-slept for two more hours, then got up. P had a bunch of errands to run and she woke up (I was down for a nap) just as I fell asleep. I told him to go anyway and I would take her out in the stoller - which I did and of course she slept. It felt good to get out in the sun and hopefully it will (move things along) so that I don't have to go to the doctor Monday and discuss an embarassing problem.

We've decided to let her dictate when she is hungry and 'feed on demand' - of course no greater than 4 hours, but not like waking her up like clockwork evey three hours. Hopefully this will help.

Insomnia

Not due to baby... suprisingly......

I have woken up every 45 minutes wiping the sweat off my face, changing my shirt, fighting off bouts of pain, horrific nightmares involving being burned, hung, chased, etc and thirst. I am hoping to feed Vi her 3:30 a.m. feeding and get some sleep.

I think it is the Percoset.

I just was taking a little time before I went to bed (ha) for the first time today. Tending to a newborn is very very busy. It is so great having P home to help. The baby was quite a bit fussier today - she is so hungry that she inhales her 60 cc and doesn't want to stop to burp, leaving her with some gas. We tried to keep her outside and stimulated today so she would not be as active and alert as last night.

On the PPD front I had two epidsodes of crying today, both didn't last that long and I was able to stop crying on my own. Pretty happy about that. My milk came in today and I am extremely, extremely engorged. The great thing about it is that since I am on painkillers from the C-section, I don't feel much discomfort. However, I have terrible discomfort from my Csection - pulling along the scar. I am taking half the recommended dose of Percoset every four hours because the lasrger dose makes me dizzy. I am also on high strength Motrin. By the time four hours rolls around the pain and pulling becomes worse and worse. The other bad part is the 2nd epidural or the spinal site on my back hurts so much. Recovering from surgery is not fun. Hopefully I will feel better soon.

Thanks for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers.

Victoria Elise is here

I'll keep this short since I just got home from the hospital.

Announcing:

Victoria Elise
6 lbs 13 oz
19.5 inches long
August 10th 12:20 p.m.

I had an extremely difficult time involving 20 hours of labor, three epidurals, a spinal and finally, an unplanned C-section. But she is here and doing quite well. Birth story to follow.

Going in tonight

Tonight I am scheduled for an induction. The OB department is supposed to call between 4-8 and let us know what time to come in. I woke up at 1:30 a.m. with bloody show and lost of part of my mucus plug. I had contractions from 8-10 minutes apart the rest of the evening. I'm having contractions now about 15 minutes lasting for only 30 seconds. I feel restless and haven't slept very well the last two nights (I know, I know). I hate waiting around until tonight.

Baby Update

So since this all anyone talks about these days.... a baby update.
I went to the OB this morning, P came along too which was nice. We discussed induction with the OB and he felt it was the best. I asked about the increased risk of C-section and he said there is one, which I already knew. A cervix check revealed lesser progress in the last two weeks than I had hoped, 1.5 cm and 80% effacement. He wanted to sweep my membranes but I didn't tolerate being on my back all that well. An ultrasound revealed good amniotic fluid levels, but he felt they were on the decline.

Why doesn't my body want to go into labor? I'm kind of disappointed. Thus, an induction is scheduled for this weekend, exact date to follow. P wanted to do it today - the sooner the better. I'm glad he was there anyway.

I'm going to order some chinese food for lunch. Last night, friends came over and brought chinese food and I didn't get to eat any because it had soy sauce and breading due to a mistake and I felt really cheated and mad. :(

Tonight's the night... NOT

Last night I had that (awful) Rod Stewart song in my head. Around 10:00 I just finished putting away laundry and the same pains I had the night of BUNKO started up in my back and then spread to my front. Except this time, way more intense in my front. Right under my breasts, the top of uterus was very painful and intense. P tried timing them, but they were constant and intense. I laid down and thought maybe we should call the hospital but around an hour later they slowed down and stopped and we both fell asleep. Panic set in that i was having a placental abruption or something because the upper pains didn't seem like they would be labor pains. Then, this morning I was worried about the baby moving less, but she is moving now. I have had such a good pregnancy that these past three weeks have been the hardest part. The not knowing and trying to plan ahead for appointments, work, etc.

Keep me in your thoughts......

spicy food? Had Indian for lunch ......... check.
walking? 30 minutes last two days ..... check.
labor inducing 'activities' ............... check.
ride down bumpy road ...................... check.

Okay, I'm ready...........................